“What?”
“Nothing,” he said.
“You can tell me,” I said. I lay my hand on his chest. “It’s me. I love you.”
He grimaced, and his voice was a jagged whisper. “I’m always turned on.”
“But Griffin—”
“No, you don’t get it,” he said. “Because it didn’t turn me on. I didn’t like anything they did to me. None of it. But French said that subconsciously, I must have. She said I must have latent homosexual desires and that I should give in to them, and that...” He grasped my wrist, moving it off his chest. “That’s what always scared me. That I’d have to go back to that willingly. That some part of me wanted it.”
Tears filled my eyes. “No. That’s not true. It wasn’t your fault.”
“Then why do I wake up like that?”
“Um, I’m a girl and all, so I don’t know for certain, but I’m pretty sure that guys always wake up with hard-ons. Like... naturally.”
He shook his head. “It’s different.”
“Is it different? Or is what that woman said to you making you think it’s different?”
He was quiet for a minute. Then he released my hand, letting it rest on his chest again, and searched my eyes with his own. “You think that’s really all it is?”
I nodded. “I do.”
He tugged me close, folding me into his body. His lips murmured over the top of my head , and he spoke into my hair. “This is why I need you.”
* * *
“Um, I really can’t remember her name,” I said to the guard at the door. The building next to Dewhurst-McFarland’s lab also belonged to the corporation, but suits and businessmen worked there. The building didn’t have super tight security, but there was a guard at the door. My job was to keep him distracted long enough for Knox and Griffin to get in and get onto the elevator.
“Look, lady,” said the guard. “I have a list, and if you’re not on it, then I can’t let you inside.”
“Oh, I totally understand that,” I said. “I’m not trying to make you break any rules or anything. I’m just saying that the woman I’m supposed to meet with... I can’t remember her name.”
The guard was facing me, holding the door open, gripping a tablet that contained his precious list. I could see that Griffin and Knox were inching their way along the building, heading for the open door. If they were quiet and discreet enough, they’d be able to slip in right behind his back.
“Maybe,” I said, “if you could show me the list—”
“I can’t show you the list, ma’am,” he said.
“Well, not to let me see the names of the people allowed in,” I said. I laughed. “That would be stupid. Because it would tell me my own name, and I already know that.”
Griffin and Knox were closer still. A few feet away.
“But so that I could see where my name was, and then I’d see who it was I’m supposed to be seeing, because this is really embarrassing. I’m going to get in there for that meeting, and—”
“You’re not going to get into any meeting if you don’t give me your name so that I can check my list,” said the guard.
Griffin and Knox were almost there.
“My name?” I said. “Oh, gosh I didn’t tell you that?”
“No, you didn’t.” He narrowed his eyes. “Did you hear something?” And he began to turn around.
Griffin and Knox were right behind him.
Chapter Seventeen
I improvised. I grabbed the man by the shoulder, turning him to face me. “Okay, you got me. I’m not here because I have an appointment.”
“I didn’t think you were.”
“The truth is,” I said, “I walk past here on my way to work every day, and I always notice you.” I batted my eyelashes. “I think you’re really attractive.”
Griffin glared at me, but he and Knox slid inside, undetected.
The guard looked taken aback.
I did my best to appear embarrassed. “I didn’t know how else to start up a conversation with you. I guess that was really lame.”