“Tell me about it,” I said.
“And you’re saying she thought they were still together?”
“Yeah, she did,” I said. “The worst thing is that he took me to her house like it was no big deal. Like it didn’t even matter.”
Axel arched one eyebrow. “I really thought you usually went for men with more intelligence, Leigh.”
I threw my hands in the air. “So did I.”
He sipped his drink. “Because he really is absolutely idiotic, isn’t it?”
“He is,” I said. “Did he think I’d be okay with it or something? Did he think I’d still want to be with him after I knew what a jackass he was?”
“He probably thought you wouldn’t notice.”
I laughed.
Axel tittered as well. “I’m serious, Leigh. He’s obviously that dim-witted.”
“Obviously,” I said.
“You know what you need?” he said.
I leaned forward. “What?”
He opened up a wooden container on an end table. It was filled with white powder. A tiny, jeweled coke spoon sat on top of the mounds of the drug. “A little bump.”
I raised my hands. “Oh, no. I kind of quit, actually.”
“So what?” he said. “This is a time of crisis.” He heaped up the spoon. “Just a tiny bit is all you need. To make you feel better.”
“I do feel like crap.”
“This will help.”
“I don’t know.” I really was proud of my sobriety. Hadn’t I realized that cocaine had done nothing but ruin my life? But I did feel awful. Everything in my life had completely disintegrated in a matter of days. I could hardly believe I was functioning at all. If I slipped up a little, who could blame me, right? “Just a little bump.”
“Right,” said Axel. “Tiny.” He put the spoon under my nostril. “Breathe deep, babe.”
I blocked the other nostril and snorted. The drug stung the back of my nose, painful and comforting all at the same time. I closed my eyes, allowing it to do its work. Energy surged through me. Oh. I had forgotten how fucking exquisite that was. Damn, that felt good. I opened my eyes.
“Better?” said Axel.
“Much,” I said.
He gave me a lopsided grin. “You know, Leigh, I remember what we used to do for each other after bad breakups.”
Oh. I did too. I shook my head. “That’s cool, Axel. I think it’s too soon.” I was feeling bubbly, alive, ready to take on the world. But there was an edge to it, I was noticing. I was falling over that edge, and the feeling was fading quickly.
His hand shot out, caressing my jaw. “You’re really gorgeous.”
I grinned, brushing him off. “Thank you.” I sat up straight. “You think I could have another bump?” As usual, the minute I had some blow in my system, I wanted more. I needed more. I wanted that feeling back. Now.
“How about you give me a kiss, and then I give you another bump?”
I sighed. “All right, fine.” I leaned forward and pecked him on the cheek. “There.”
Axel grabbed me by the chin, twisted my face, and pressed his lips on mine.
I pushed him. “Axel, I said not to do that.”
“What’s the big deal, Leigh? It’s not like we haven’t done way more than kiss before.” He leaned against the couch lazily. “Tell you what, babe. I’ll give you one line of blow for every article of clothing you’re wearing.” He wiggled his eyebrows. “What do you think?”
I actually considered it for a half a second. That was a lot of lines.
Then I got up off the couch, disgusted with myself. Disgusted with him. No. I didn’t want to be dependent on a stupid drug like that. I wanted to be free of it. I didn’t care how good it felt, it wasn’t worth losing my common sense over another few lines. Lines that wouldn’t even satisfy me anyway. Not for long. “Fuck you.”
“What?” He looked wounded. “We’re only playing around here.”
“I need a friend right now, not someone trying to get in my pants.”