Slow Burn(21)

    He responded to me, moving his lips against mine. His arm came around me, his hand on my back. His touch was impossibly gentle, so light I could barely feel it through my shirt, a tantalizing hint of pressure moving over my shoulders down to my waist. Tingles traveled all through my body.

    I opened my mouth to him, let my tongue dart out to find his.

    And he pulled away. He had a look of terror in his eyes.

    “I’m... I didn’t mean...” I tried to say.

    He stood up. “This is a bad idea, doll.”

    I stood up too. “I don’t know that it is. I mean, thus far, it felt like a good idea to me. A really good idea.” I reached for him again.

    He moved out of my reach. “No.”

    “Why not?”

    He looked at the floor.

    “It’s because I was too forward, right? You think I’m some kind of slut, and you’d never be with anyone who acted like that, would you?”

    “No,” he said. “I’m not judging you.”

    “You’re not attracted to me?”

    He looked at me. “Doll... you are very attractive.”

    “So are you,” I said. “You might be the most beautiful man—”

    “Stop,” he said. “It’s not appropriate. I can’t do my job properly if I... if we...” He swallowed. “Besides, what about your dad? I don’t think he’d like this. Me taking advantage of his daughter.”

    “Taking advantage?” I said. “I kissed you.”

    He held up a hand. “Just drop it, okay?”

    I started to say something else, but I realized that tears were forming in my eyes and that a lump was growing in my throat. I went to my room. I wasn’t going to let him see me crying over him.

* * *

    Stupid. I was an idiot. What kind of weakling cries when a guy rejects her? Some kind of dumb young thing with no experience, maybe. But I’d been around the block a few times. I should be able to handle some guy saying he didn’t want me. I should be able to take it.

    Although, maybe, if I was honest with myself, the truth was that I was never really good at hearing that.

    I’d perfected my two-night rule specifically so I never had to feel rejected. I did the rejecting.

    And there was Griffin, rejecting me before he’d even had the chance to sleep with me. He didn’t even want the chance to sleep with me.

    Maybe it was for the best. I mean, what did I think was going to happen? I’d hook up with Griffin and we’d settle into some kind of domestic bliss together? That was impossible. I couldn’t settle down, and even if I could, Griffin was way too weird.

    I wiped tears from my eyes and hurried into the bathroom, where I splashed my face with hot water. My eyes were a little bloodshot, but hopefully he wouldn’t be able to tell I’d been crying.

    I headed out the front door, shrugging into my jacket.

    Griffin was across the room in a second, blocking my path. “Where do you think you’re going?”

    “On a drive,” I said. “I need to clear my head.”

    “No way,” he said.

    “I need some space.”

    “Then I’m coming with you.”

    “You’re the one I need space from.”

    He sighed. “I’m sorry about that. But you can’t be on your own. You know that.”

    “I don’t want to be around you,” I said.

    “That doesn’t matter,” he said. “It’s my job to—”

    “Fuck your job,” I said. “That’s all you care about. Keeping me safe. Ruining my life is more like it. I can’t stand you. You’re a freak.”

    I wasn’t sure why I said it. He’d been vulnerable with me. Not a lot, but enough to see where his weak spots were. I knew that if I said it, I’d hurt him. And I wanted to hurt him. Because if he was hurt, I’d get a head start on getting away from him.

    He blinked.

    I pushed past him.

    He didn’t stop me.

* * *

     Griffin didn’t call me for at least ten minutes, but once he started, he wouldn’t stop. I had to shut off my cell phone. (I had a brand new number since the incident in Cumberland. It was a pain, since none of my friends had my phone anymore, but Griffin said it was better to be cautious.)