“Here,” she said as she passed them to me.
My hands trembled as I pulled them away from my face and reached for the tissue.
“T-Thank you,” I muttered, through a tear choked sob.
“You’re welcome,” she replied with a sad smile.
I dabbed at my eyes and did my best to get my emotions under control. While I blew my nose and attempted to put a stop to my tears, the nurse spoke once more.
“The, um, Doctor will explain the situation to you in just a minute. For now, your grandmother is somewhat stable.”
“O-Okay,” I said, after a sniffle. “All right.”
As I spoke, the nurse leaned in and pulled me close to her with a gentle embrace. After holding me there for a moment, she released me, smiled and turned to walk back towards my grandmother’s bedside.
For the next ten minutes or so I watched in a state of numbness as they hovered over my grandmother. The roller coaster of emotion I’d been on with her since returning from St. Barth’s had nearly destroyed my ability to function. I battled between a desperate desire to see her live and a feeling of self-loathing because I couldn’t just let her go. As I looked at her, my selfishness seemed the most terrible of sins.
Just then, the doctor turned and walked in my direction.
His face told me everything I needed to know before he uttered a single word. Over the next few minutes, he informed me there was really nothing else they could do. What little hope there might have been early on, was all but gone now. As I listened to him, my body began to feel heavy, as if I were made of concrete. Misery and despair weighed me down, to the point where I had trouble taking my next breath.
“Miss Matthews, do you need to sit down?” the doctor asked.
Half listening, I looked at him and nodded without a word.
He helped me to a nearby chair and after I sat down, he looked at me and said, “We’ll be done in a few minutes and then you can visit with your grandmother. Do you understand me, Miss Matthews?”
“Yes, Doctor,” I replied. With a whisper, I added, “I understand you.”
I spent the most difficult thirty minutes of my life with my grandmother once the doctor and nurses left the room. She never regained consciousness during that time. In my heart, there was no question she wouldn’t be around much longer.
In spite of the pain it caused, I gained some clarity about my life.
No matter how much it might anger Gabe, I really had no choice in the matter. Leaving the hospital, I made my way back to the corporate offices at Hawkins Biotech, arriving there just as the workday began.
Without bothering to check in at the lab, I went straight to the Human Resources department and paid a visit to Miss Jameson. I entered her office, and as I did she looked up from her desk. Her eyes widened as she got her first look at me.
“Fiona,” she began, as she stood from her chair. “You look terrible. What’s happened?”
My insides were raw and on edge. As she drew close to me, I struggled to hold back my tears. But, it was no use. Before she even reached me I began to sob once more.
“Oh, oh, you poor dear,” she said, as she wrapped her arms around me and pulled me close to her. “Whatever is the matter?”
I struggled to stem the tide of emotion ripping through my body.
At last, I managed to get it under control enough to tell her what was going on. Over the next several minutes, I explained to her the dire nature of my grandmother’s condition. I left no doubt that she had perhaps only hours remaining to live.
“So you can see… M-Miss J-Jameson, the predicament that I’m in.”
“Yes,” Miss Jameson began. “That’s a terrible situation indeed. I’m so very sorry to hear about it.”
“Thank you. That’s very kind of you.”
“I wish there was something I could do for you. Can I get you anything? Glass of water?”
“No, no thank you.” I replied. “But there is something you can help me with.”
“All right,” she nodded.
I cleared my throat and did my best to dry my eyes once more.
“Under the circumstances, I feel as if I have no choice other than to take an emergency leave of absence.”
Mrs. Jameson listened intently and replied, “Well, it’s fully within your rights as an employee to do so. Are you able to find someone to fill in for you while you’re not here?”
“No,” I said as I shook my head. “There really isn’t a suitable replacement for me.”
“Oh, I see.” Mrs. Jameson said. Her tone changed. Concern peppered the words which followed. “Well, Fiona, if that’s the case then this might be a situation which will require the personal approval of Mr. Hawkins himself. I’m sorry, but that’s just company policy.”