"Listen, I know you're disappointed with me for falling behind in the competition. I'm assuming that's why you've called me to your office."
"Partly, yes that's true. Do you know the other reason?"
She shook her head but didn't respond. I didn't wait to see if she'd try and guess.
"Was the experiment failure your fault, Fiona?"
As I finished my question, she looked at me once again and without a moment's hesitation, she answered.
"Yes."
"Are you telling me the truth?"
She nodded her head with a deliberate motion. "As far as I know it … yes."
I wrinkled my brow. In the short amount of time she'd worked here, nothing suggested she'd make a mistake like the one which put her behind. Rather, a couple of possibilities occurred to me as I considered what to say next.
One was she actually believed she did it, which I doubted, or the other was she didn't want to make accusations she couldn't prove against whoever might have done it. In either case, she was taking full responsibility for it, which I respected. It would be easy for her to be afraid in this situation and point fingers, considering everything she stood to lose.
I pursed my lips for a moment before continuing. "Do you enjoy working here, Fiona?"
She shrugged. "I did."
"What do you mean by that?"
As I posed my question, I noticed her make a subtle move towards her wrist. With a gentle motion, she tugged her charm bracelet out from beneath the sleeve and began to caress the stones as she had before. I remained silent for a few moments until at last, she forced a hard swallow down her throat.
"May I … speak freely?"
I leaned back in my chair. "Please."
"I haven't done anything to deserve the way I'm being treated by … "
I tilted my chin up as she hesitated. "Who's treating you poorly, Fiona?"
She ignored my question. "Look, Gabe, I'm not blaming you for any of this, okay? I know you can't help the effect you have."
"The effect I have?"
"Sorry, that's not what I meant."
"Quit apologizing, Fiona. Say what you mean. And please elaborate on ‘the effect I have' while you're at it."
She deflected my question once more. Instead, she posed on of her own. "Gabe, why am I the only one who's here in your office?"
"What do you mean? Who else should be here? No one else had a huge setback in the lab. If they had, they'd be here as well."
"Okay," she said, as she nodded her head.
I'm not an idiot. No doubt she probably thinks I only have one reason for wanting to see her alone in my office. But she was getting distracted here. Her work and the success of my project were being affected and that's not something I had any interest in continuing. I had to put a stop to it before it got any worse. I leaned forward and crossed my hands on my desk.
"You need to stand up for yourself in this world, Fiona. Don't let people push you around, because if they think they can, they will. Is that how you want to live?"
"Gabe, I don't understand what you're talking about."
"Your goddamn cultures, Fiona. Do you expect me to believe that was your fault?"
"I don't know."
"Well let me put this another way. Do you want to win this competition or not?"
"Of course I do, more than anything. I need the money and … "
Just then, she tucked her bracelet beneath her sleeve once again and shook her head.
"And what?" I asked.
"Nothing."
"No, it's not nothing." I snapped. "If it's on your mind, you need to just say it. What is it?"
"Well, it's not just the money. I want to work with you. I think you're brilliant. That's all."
Her flattery caught me by surprise. To my knowledge, it was the first time she'd ever said something nice to me. Even so, she had to understand what I was trying to tell her. I allowed her compliment to go unacknowledged, hoping it would focus her attention.
"You need to get some backbone, Fiona. This position. It's gonna require some guts, some balls, okay?"
She nodded. My challenge flushed her. Crimson streaks spread across her chest.
"Are you angry with me, Fiona?"
"A little, yes."
"Good," I replied. Sensing I had her full attention, I intended to make my point clear. "You know, I've heard nothing but good things about the quality of your work."
"Thank you. I wish everyone felt the same way."
"Fiona, life is filled with disappointment. Most of the time that comes in the form of other people. Trust me, you aren't alone when it comes to being let down when it matters most. I'll make this real simple for you. Can you catch up? Yes or no?"
"Yes, I think so."
"Good. That's what I was hoping you'd say."
As I finished speaking, her face brightened a bit. I realized she'd been through a lot in her young life but she'd made it this far and in the process beaten out people ten years older than her. She had a ton of potential to not only be a great scientist, but a hell of a woman. Figuring she'd had enough of a scolding for the moment, I shifted gears a bit.
"I've … missed not being around the lab much. Seeing your smiling face. You look pretty today."
Fiona's eyes snapped to mine. She held them there for an instant before swallowing and repositioning a wayward wisp of hair behind her ear.
Smirking, I nodded at her. "Still struggling with the whole compliment thing I see?"
She chewed her lip for a moment before she replied. "Yes, I'm sorr … "
I glared at her, as she stopped herself mid-sentence.
FIONA
As I made my way back down to the lab, I reflected on what Gabe said and the way he challenged me. On an intellectual level, I understood what he meant, but knowing and doing are two different things.
My immediate reaction to our discussion was twofold.
The first of these was that it was easy for someone like him to ‘have balls' as he put it. He had the world at his beck and call, bending it to his will. Gabe was accustomed to people doing whatever he asked of them, without question. The type of abrasive persona he suggested I assume was about as foreign to me as a polar bear at the equator. Of course as I considered it, this notion was made even worse since the two things I feared most, even more than death itself, were public speaking and confrontation.
Yet, following Gabe's suggestion to its logical conclusion, I'd have no alternative but to face them. I took measured steps to the elevator from his office, contemplating my selection of ever-dwindling options in the process. After the doors closed, the elevator glided down the shaft, and as it did, I swallowed and feared for the worst.
As it reached the lab floor and the doors opened, the elevator chimed, an annoying reminder of the task ahead. Stepping out, my mind flooded with horrific scenarios. In fact, the closer I got to the lab, the more certain I became I absolutely could not do as he'd suggested. My stomach fluttered and the skin on my fingers went clammy as I reached for the door handle.
I took one last inhale as I wrapped my shaky digits around it.
Like it or not, I'd have to find a way to play their game. This possible promotion and the money coming with it were too much for me to risk losing. And besides, there was still the tiniest of chances they hadn't tampered with my cultures. Disregarding my instincts, I put Gabe's advice aside for the time being.
There was no sense making waves. Not when I was this close to the finish line.
I glanced around as I entered the lab and in an effort to make my reappearance there as inconspicuous as possible, I walked straight towards my workstation, head down and eyes tracing a few inches ahead of my feet.
"Fiona … " I heard Melissa whisper as I passed by them. "Wait."
I didn't stop.
Ignoring her, I kept moving until I reached my workstation. Even so, I had no doubt they'd be right behind me, forked tongues lashing at me with innuendo. Almost before I realized it, they stood at the far end of my workstation, opposite one another, staring me down like a hawk homes in on a hapless field mouse.
"What did Gabe want?" Amanda said.
"Yeah," Melissa began, adding to Amanda's intrusiveness. "You were gone for over an hour. What happened?"
"What do you mean?" I replied, trying to diffuse the intrusive nature of their comments. "Nothing."
Melissa scoffed. "Fiona, I can count on one hand the number of times Amanda and I have been summoned to Gabe's office in all the years we've worked here."
Bending her arm at the elbow, she raised her hand and touched her thumb and index finger together, forming a zero. And just like that, they were right back in high school mode, assuming the worst about Gabe and me.
In that moment, I realized telling them the truth in this situation would be all but impossible. Rather, I had to say something that would make them happy or, I'd been reprimanded and at the same time discourage them from trying anything else to set me back in the meantime. But before I could utter a single syllable, Melissa continued her not-so-subtle accusations.