Sleigh Bells in the Snow(81)
He stirred and moved his hand down her back, gentle and protective. “You’re not broken, sweetheart. You’re strong and whole.”
“You’re thinking that this stuff happens all the time. That it is another sad tale of a marriage that didn’t last. But he didn’t just have another woman.” She spoke softly. “He had a family. Twin daughters. His ‘travels’ weren’t travels. He was living with her for most of the week. He went to them that day, as soon as I’d opened my stocking. It was surreal. There was the tree and the stack of presents. From the outside it looked like a normal Christmas. But my dad was gone.”
“He had another family?” His tone hardened. “What sort of a coward does that?”
“I ran away that night. Pathetic, I know, but I felt as if they didn’t care so what did it matter. I suppose I was hoping they’d come after me, realize how upset I was and get back together. I was thirteen and desperate. That was when I realized happy endings didn’t happen.”
“Where did you go?”
“I sat in Trafalgar Square. I’d forgotten my coat and had no money. Luckily a policeman saw me and took me to the station. Gave me hot chocolate and a blanket and held me while I cried. Then phoned my parents. My dad had already gone, of course, so it was my mum who came to pick me up. She was furious with me.” She slid her fingers over his chest. “After that, I went off the rails a bit. She couldn’t handle me so they sent me off to boarding school. To begin with I went home for the holidays, but Dad’s new wife didn’t want a teenager around. The way she saw it, she’d shared my dad for too long already. Dad felt guilty when he looked at me and my mother was dating again and doing all the things she’d apparently missed out on when she gave up her life to have me. Christmas became a time of guilt and duty on their part and agonizing discomfort on mine. My stepmother had waited years to have Dad all to herself. She wanted a dreamy Christmas with her new family and the legacy of my father’s mistake didn’t fit into that. I was the outsider.”
Still holding her, Jackson swore softly. “Walter used that word the other evening. That’s why you were upset.”
“It was part of it. That word presses a button for me. And he was right—I am the outsider. It’s my specialty.”
“Kayla—”
“I actually prefer it that way. I run my own life. I’m happy. I’m proud of who I am and I like what I have. The only time I find it hard is at Christmas. At Christmas it’s like standing outside a party you’re not invited to, knowing that everyone else is inside having fun.” She eased away from him and lay on her back, staring up at the soaring ceiling. “There’s something about this time of year that makes your emotions sharper. You feel as if everyone else has someone, even though you know that isn’t true.”
“You never see your mother?”
“She moved to New Zealand.”
“You don’t visit?”
“I went once, a few years ago. Hard to say which one of us found the experience most painful. I’m just a reminder of a part of her life she’d rather forget. And my father just sees me and feels guilt.” She turned her head to look at him and gave a crooked smile. “I know how to kill a romantic atmosphere, don’t I?”
“We’re naked in front of a fire and it’s snowing outside.” His voice rough, he hauled her back against him, holding her tightly. “You can’t kill that.”
She was silent for a moment, knowing what she’d told him had changed things.
There was the intimacy of sharing their bodies and then there was the intimacy of sharing inner secrets. That one was new to her, and she wasn’t sure how she felt about it.
“Should we check on Maple?”
“She’s asleep. She uses so much energy during the day she crashes out at night. She won’t wake until morning.”
“But she’s in the bedroom.”
His fingers were in her hair. “There’s another bed.”
He was planning on staying the night?
She never spent the whole night with a man, but he was already on his feet and tugging her upright.
Kayla felt a flutter of panic. “What are you doing?”
He cupped her face and kissed her. “It’s time someone gave you some new Christmas memories.”
CHAPTER TWELVE
HE WOKE IN the cold darkness of the early morning to find the bed empty.
It didn’t feel right.
What would have felt right after a night filled with the best sex of his life would have been to wake up next to the woman he’d shared it with. Preferably with both of them still naked.