Sleigh Bells in the Snow(58)
“Michael would have liked him to stay, but Walter didn’t want him here. They clashed over it. Jackson found himself in the middle of that for a while, and then he went off to college and found his own path.” Elizabeth set a pretty china plate in front of Kayla. “It was the right thing to do. If he’d stayed here he never would have found out how high he could fly. And he flew high, as I always knew he would.”
Kayla heard the pride in her voice and wondered how it felt to be on the receiving end of that sort of love.
She’d given up telling either of her parents about her promotions and successes. Given up hoping they might be interested in anything she did.
“His father wanted him to stay?”
“Yes, but I think that was probably for selfish reasons,” Elizabeth admitted quietly. “Michael didn’t enjoy running this place. And Jackson was right to go. If he’d stayed, his wings would have been clipped by his father and his grandfather and those wings would have torn in the struggling.”
The vivid imagery made Kayla wince. “Ouch.”
“Eventually he might have resented them for holding him back, for standing in the way of him proving himself. He didn’t want something that someone else had created. He wanted to create something himself. He needed that.” Elizabeth passed Kayla a cookie. “They’re my cinnamon stars. At Christmas we package them up in pretty packages tied with bows. Try one.”
Kayla obliged, wondering if cooking was how Elizabeth filled the loneliness.
“Walter doesn’t agree with the changes Jackson has made?”
“Walter doesn’t understand why we would spend money when we’re losing it.” Elizabeth picked up a box of decorations. “I suppose I don’t understand that, either. But I trust Jackson. I need to sort through these decorations. Some of them need tender loving care. Some just won’t survive another year. Could you look through this one?” She pushed a box toward Kayla, who took it with all the enthusiasm of someone being passed a box of tarantulas.
It was just a few Christmas decorations. She could sort a few Christmas decorations without having a breakdown, surely?
Elizabeth smiled. “Why don’t you start hanging those.”
Kayla’s mouth felt dry. “You want me to hang them?”
“Of course. If you’re here with us over the holidays, the least we can do is let you share in our Christmas. I expect you have your own Christmas rituals. All families do.”
Kayla gripped the box. “We had a few.”
Put your stocking by the fire, Kayla. Let’s see what surprise Santa brings you.
There was a hollow, empty feeling in her stomach. She recognized the feeling because she’d lived with it for such a long time.
Loneliness could be felt at any time, of course, but there was something exquisitely painful about the loneliness that came along with Christmas.
She lifted a decoration from the box and stared at it.
A moment later it was gently removed from her hand.
“You don’t like this time of year, do you, dear?”
It embarrassed and frustrated her that she still felt this way. That she hadn’t been able to put the past behind her and find the same joy in the holiday season that so many others did. “I find it difficult.”
The box was removed from her hand.
“Leave it. I’ll trim the tree later.”
“I’d like to do it.” She’d spent Christmas alone for the past decade. This time she was alone in the middle of a family. It couldn’t be worse, surely? “It’s been a while.”
“You don’t see your family at Christmas?”
Kayla hesitated and then the door opened, allowing a flurry of cold air into the living room along with Jackson. His collar was turned up against the winter cold, and he carried a large box in his arms.
Elizabeth gave Kayla’s arm a brief squeeze and walked toward him. “Is that the box we’ve been looking for?” Her voice gave no indication that he’d disturbed a conversation of significance, and Kayla was grateful for that. At the same time she wondered how much she would have said if they hadn’t been interrupted.
Jackson handed the box to his mother. “It was in the old barn tucked behind a stack of rusty machinery. I’m guessing Walter put it there after last Christmas.” Spying her rescuer, the puppy gave a yelp of ecstasy and shot across the living room, leaping on the spot to greet him.
Jackson scooped her up and made a fuss of her. “Sorry I took so long. After I found the box I only managed to walk three steps without being grabbed. Misbehaving boiler in cabin four, a leak in one of the lodge bedrooms and a child with a painful knee after a fall skiing.” He sprawled on the sofa and stretched out his legs. Maple snuggled onto his lap.