I squeeze her harder than I mean to but she doesn’t make a sound. “You ain’t datin’ until you’re forty. You’re too damn good for any man on this earth. You remember that shit when you got some dumbass hittin’ on you at school. You just kick those fuckers in the balls.”
Chutney pulls away from me and scowls. “One, you curse too much. I hate it and I worry about your soul. Two, if I find a guy I like and I think he’s a nice person I’m going to date him. And I know this because you won’t know a darn thing about it.” She backs out of my arms with a smirk on her face.
“Over my dead body,” I mutter, watchin’ as she starts twirlin’ around the room again.
“I think Ashley has a thing for you. I might have been talking to her but she couldn’t keep her eyes off of you. I don’t think she even knew she was looking for you. And her shoulders were less tense and she smiled more when you were around.” She stops in front of me and throws her arms out. “I think you’ll make her happy and that makes me happy. I don’t like the sadness in her eyes.”
“Neither do I, baby girl.” And that’s the truth.
Four
Ashley
I know you might think it happened really fast but I honestly have been thinking about breaking up with Victor for a while now. Long before Victor went off to Iraq. I mean he asked me to fucking marry him before he left, and I told him no. Why am I still in a relationship with him if I don’t see it going anywhere? When I get married I want to be sure. I want to be so blinded by love, I don’t notice sexy biker boys while my boyfriend is out of the country.
So when I got home that night I wrote Victor a Dear John letter. Yeah I am one of those girls. But you have to look at it from my point of view. I don’t have the nerve to Skype him and do it. So writing a letter is really the only option I had. Believe me when I say that I hated myself after, but I refuse to cheat on him.
If Victor had gone off to join the army and that’s what his heart wanted, I would never have written the letter. I would stay true to him because I know that what he was doing was honorable, because those men and women over there are protecting our country. Victor went solely to protect Talon.
I know we’ve been over this, but I feel I should repeat myself. I know it’s selfish to be pissed off he chose his best friend over me, but when he constantly does it, I don’t know how else to feel. I don’t want to be anyone’s second best. I want the man I love to pick me and be with me. I want him to want to make my happy, not leave me behind to be with his best friend.
Anyway, here’s the letter.
Victor,
I’ve been staring at this computer screen for hours. I should probably go to bed since I have school in the morning, but I have to get this out of my system. I have to tell you how I feel.
I don’t think you understand me as a person. Do you know what I went through before I switched schools? I constantly had people asking if you were gay. Not only that, they would make jokes about how close you are with Talon. I know you aren’t gay because…well, I have been properly deflowered. But that’s not the point. You didn’t care what those people were saving. Girls thought it was okay to hit on you because it didn’t appear you were in a relationship with another girl.
I don’t want to be that girl but I have to be. I have to pick myself over you because you refused to pick me over everything. I shouldn’t afford you the same thing you can’t seem to afford to me.
You broke my heart when you left. You left me in pieces because I didn’t know what I was going to do without you. I didn’t know how to handle not having you around and you never once thought about that. You only thought about you. You didn’t want to be without Talon, not me. How could I be so easily left behind? Do I not mean anything to you?
I guess you can get the gist of this letter. It’s over between us. I kind of hate you and love you at the same time, but I’m tired of being alone. So I will take your advice and go out and get a life. When you get back from your tour, all of my stuff will be out of your house. I might even get a dog, since you’re allergic. I know I shouldn’t resent you for that fact, but I kind of do. You know how much I love animals and I couldn’t even have a pet growing up because you’re allergic.
Something that comes to my attention as I’m writing this is, I wrote more than you did. I should have just put, “It’s fucking over” but that seemed dramatic. You couldn’t even bother to write me something worth reading. Just meaningless words I shouldn’t have listened to.