Although I could use some private time with a hot guy, even drunk this situation doesn’t feel right. I stand up, unsteady on my feet as the alcohols’ heavy effect kicks in. Lex jumps up, grabbing me by the arm to steady me. “Hey, there. Where you going?”
I pull my arm out of his tight grip and stumble forward, right into Chase’s arms. “I’ve got you, babe.”
“Excuse me,” Lex cuts in, trying to knock Chase’s hands off of me. “She’s with me, dude.”
Chase moves closer, looks him straight in the eyes, and says, “Listen, dude. Back off. She’s with me. As in we came here together, and we’ll be leaving together. So I suggest you move along.” Chase rubs his thumb over his lower lip, knowing he’s got the upper hand. His other hand grips me around the waist, our bodies flush and every nerve in my body is alight from his touch.
Jack’s voice cuts into my memory, bringing me back to the present. “Hi, Lydia?”
“Hey there.” The bar has gotten louder since I arrived—the crowd drunker. I’m too sober to face my past alone and feel grateful to have my close friend checking on me.
“You need a top off?” he asks.
I glance down at the drink in my hand then back up to him. “No. I’m good. I think I’m gonna take off.” I turn my back to the couples slow dancing on the small dance floor, the romance of it all a reminder of what I’m missing in life. When I look at Jack, I smile and say, “It’s been good to see you again.”
“You, too. It’s been too long. You shouldn’t be such a stranger.”
“I feel like a stranger even to myself these days. I’m happy for you and Caris. I’m sorry I couldn’t make the wedding-“
“We understand. You were in Europe. At least you closed the deal.” He leans against the table next to me, looking like the college kid I once knew—carefree and content . “Are you happy, Lydia?”
I chuckle to myself. “I’m not unhappy.”
“That’s not the same thing, and you know it.”
“My job is interesting. What more can I ask for?”
He rests his hand on my shoulder, and says, “I didn’t ask about your job. I asked about you.”
I gulp, feeling vulnerable, hating weakness and realizing this kind of conversation is why I stayed away so long. At least part of the reason I stayed away.
He reads the silence between us as answer enough and doesn’t push. After a quick kiss on the cheek, he says, “Just so you know, I’m glad you came home for the holidays. I’ll go get your coat.”
“Thanks.” Turning around, I watch the couples to pass time, but it makes me feel lonely and depressed. The holidays do a swell enough job of that all without the added torment of witnessing love in the air.
“This is a pleasant surprise,” a deep, smooth voice says from behind. It’s a voice from another time and another place, but still so familiar that my heart clenches in response. “Lydia.”
My body moves involuntarily closer to him, and I look up. “Chase. Hi.”
His head tilts just a bit, and there’s that smile I missed so much. “I didn’t know you’d be here.”
“From what I hear,” I say, “you’ve pulled quite the disappearing act yourself.”
He looks away, chuckling. “I faced reality. It’s no fun to be a seventh wheel.”
“I’ll bet.”
“Chase?”
“Lydia?”
We both speak at the same time then laugh in the awkwardness.
I let him go first. He says, “You look great. You look different. I can’t quite place how, but you do.”
“Thank you, I guess.” I take a moment to really look at him, and his handsome face. He’s more manly-looking and more gorgeous than my memory gave him credit. “You look more… different somehow, too, but all the same.” I feel stupid, insecure. My heart is beating out of my chest, and my mind is chaotic, making coherent, mature dialogue difficult right now.
“Do you still call New York home?” he asks, his voice blanketing my heart with warmth and comfort.
“I never called New York home, but yes, I’m still there. I travel a lot to Europe these days, too.”
“Sounds exciting. All your dreams have come true, Lydia. You must be happy.”
I look back up, directly into his eyes. “Dreams, happiness… hmmm, maybe. I don’t really know anymore.” I avert my eyes back to my barely touched cocktail on the table in front of me.
“That’s too bad. It was always your number one priority.”
“Chase, I screwed—” I start to say, but I’m interrupted.