Skinny(63)
“Are you all right?” I ask.
“I’m fine.” She bites her bottom lip, her eyes darting over to the phone on the nightstand. “My dad isn’t coming on Saturday. He just texted me. Not a big surprise.”
“I’m sorry, Bri. He’s the one missing out.”
She looks at me like she’s trying to tell if I’m being sincere or not. I can’t blame her.
“I know how you feel,” I say, but nobody really knows how anyone else feels. I know that now. “I mean, not exactly, but . . . I miss my mom. Every single day. And I wish she was here in my life, like you wish your dad was here.”
“Your mom didn’t leave you on purpose.” Briella stares at a spot on the bedspread in front of her.
“No, but I still know what it feels like to lose your parent. No one can fix it, and I’m really sorry.”
“I thought when I moved in we’d be friends, but you never wanted that.” Me, friends with Briella? That’s what she wanted? Listening to Skinny all these years has cost me more than I ever knew.
“I’ve been selfish and . . . blind,” I say quietly. What a hypocrite. I felt like nothing, but I made every thing all about me. I looked at the world around me through Skinny’s unseeing white, opaque eyes. Including Briella. “I didn’t see what you were going through. You were here in the same house, and I didn’t even know.”
Briella raises her pale blue eyes, bright with unshed tears, to meet mine. I watch one single tear slip out and slide down her cheek, but she doesn’t try to hide it this time. Her eyes search my face and, when she finds the truth she’s searching for, her shoulders relax. I finally see a small, crooked smile.
“Thanks,” she says, twisting a strand of her long hair around and around one finger. “So, what happened at the dance?”
“Jackson doesn’t love me.” I dive right in, my voice pinched and tight.
“I know,” she says. “I’m sorry.”
I guess everyone knew but me.
Briella takes a breath, and looks over at me. “You can’t make someone love you. No matter what you do.” Something about the way she says it makes me think she’s not just talking about me and Jackson. It’s about her father, too.
“I did it all for him,” I say, but now I’m not sure.
“Did you?” she asks. I have no idea what she is talking about. Or maybe I do. This isn’t about Jackson anymore.
“It’s okay if you like Rat,” I say, but the words hurt coming out. It’s definitely not okay.
“That’s good,” she says, “because I do like him. He’s smart and kind.”
“I know,” I say, feeling like my heart is being chewed up by Roxanne.
“And funny.” Okay, just keep kicking me when I’m down.
“And he likes me, too. He never makes me feel stupid.”
“You’re not stupid, Briella.”
“I want to believe that,” she says, “but sometimes there’s this voice in my head that tells me something different. Know what I mean?”
Her eyes meet mine.
“Yeah,” I say. “I do.”
“What happened with Jackson?” she asks.
“He likes Gigi,” I say, and she nods. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You were so happy about the dance and all. I didn’t want to ruin it for you.”
I can’t believe this is Briella. She’s full of surprises. Skinny’s lies kept me from seeing the real person behind the pretty face. How did I miss what was right there in front of me all along?
“The dance didn’t make me happy,” I say, but then I remember dancing with Rat and feeling better than I’d ever imagined feeling. Now that’s gone, too.
“So, you and Rat?” I ask.
“Rat would be a great boyfriend. . . .”
“But?”
“He doesn’t think of me that way. We’re just friends.” She smiles gently at me like I’m a little child. “Besides, he likes me, but he doesn’t love me. He’s crazy about someone else.”
“Who?” I ask, in a small voice. IhopeIhopeIhope.
“Oh, Ever, sometimes for being so smart, you are incredibly dumb.” She laughs. “Rat’s in love with you. He’s always been in love with you. You’re the only one who can’t see it.”
The heat rushes to my cheeks. Rat’s in love with me. I could hear it a million times and never get tired of it. Could it actually be true? I want to believe it so bad.
“And now I’ve messed it up.” My voice sounds like it’s coming from way far away.