Skin Trade(76)
“Bernardo and I had this discussion, and we handled it.”
“What does that mean?” Olaf asked.
“It means that Anita let me know she thinks I’m cute, so my ego is secure.”
Olaf was frowning from one to the other of us. “I don’t understand.”
“We don’t have time for this,” Edward said, with a sigh. “Who plays what role?”
“Whoever I pick for a lover may have to do more than hold hands to convince Bibiana that it would be rude to offer up one of her tigers.”
“So not Olaf,” Edward said.
“And not you,” I said.
“I weird you out,” Olaf said. “I understand that, but why not Ted?”
“Pretending is too close to doing, and it would make me feel funny the next time I visited his family.” That was actually the truth.
Bernardo leaned forward, smiling. “Does that mean that I’m the lucky guy?”
I scowled at him. “I’m giving you another chance to play my boyfriend; don’t make me regret it.”
“Hey, it wasn’t you who ended up being forced to strip half naked at gunpoint last time.” He wasn’t teasing when he said it.
“Why did they want you to strip?” Olaf asked.
“They asked me a trick question, to see if he really was my lover.”
“What question?”
“Whether I was circumcised,” Bernardo said, and now he had a touch of amusement in his voice. “They wanted to see if her answer was the right one.”
“Was it?” Edward asked.
“Yes.”
“How did you know whether he was circumcised?” Olaf asked, and he actually sounded indignant.
I undid my seatbelt and turned in my seat. “Stop it, just stop it. You haven’t earned the right to sound jealous or hurt.”
Olaf scowled at me.
“Sonny and Spider are watching us argue,” Edward said.
I’d forgotten that the two policemen were trailing us. That was beyond careless. “Great, fine, but I mean it, Olaf. I’m flattered that you want to try to date me like a normal guy, but a normal guy doesn’t get jealous before he’s even kissed a girl.”
“Not true,” Edward and Bernardo said together.
“What?” I asked.
They exchanged a look, then Edward said, “I had a crush on a girl, the first serious one. I never kissed her, or even held her hand, but I was jealous of every boy who got near her.”
I tried to picture a young, insecure Edward and couldn’t, but it was nice to know that once he’d been a boy. Sometimes it felt like Edward had sprung full grown from the head of some violent deity, like a vicious version of Athena.
“I’ve been jealous of women who were dating good friends. You don’t poach from good friends, but sometimes it cuts you up to watch them be cute together.”
“Anita and I thought you would poach,” Olaf said.
“Hey, just because I like women doesn’t mean I have no scruples. No friends’ serious girlfriends, and no wives of people I like.”
“Good to know you have scruples.” I tried for sarcasm and succeeded.
“Hey,” Bernardo said, “what’s the old saying about glass houses, Anita?”
“I don’t do husbands.”
“I don’t do vampires,” he said.
Point for him. Out loud, I said, “You don’t know what you’re missing.”
“I don’t like sleeping with anyone who can bespell me with their eyes. It’s too hard to remember not to gaze.”
“So it’s not morality but practicality.”
“That, and sometimes there’s a moisture problem.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means they’re dead, Anita, and dead women need lubricant.”
“Stop, just stop, before I get visual to go with that.” Then I added, before I had time to think about it, “That’s not true of the female vampires I know.” I knew it was true, knew it through Jean-Claude’s and Asher’s memories that they’d shared with me metaphysically. Knew it through Belle herself visiting my dreams.
“And how do you know that the female vampires you’ve met don’t need lubricant?” he asked.
I tried to think of an answer that wouldn’t raise more questions and couldn’t come up with one.
“You are blushing.” Olaf didn’t sound happy.
“Oh, please tell me that the visual I’ve got in my head is true,” Bernardo said, and he sounded very happy. In fact, he was grinning ear to ear.
Edward was looking at me over the lowered rims of his sunglasses. “I haven’t heard any rumors about you and the female vampires.”