He pulls me up and settles me into the side of his body, my head resting on his chest. I allow my fingers to trace the lines of his tattoos. I study them, feeling like they tell a story, but that story is hidden to me. I wish I could somehow flick a switch and illuminate the words.
His breathing evens out, and I think he might have fallen asleep, but then his hand starts to move down my thigh. With his deft fingers he parts my legs, rubbing along my sex before finding my entrance. He plunges two fingers into me, quick and hard. I whimper.
His mouth goes to my breast, capturing it, his eyes glued to mine. He fucks me with his hand, his thumb pressing down on my clit, making me feel like I’m teetering on the edge. My vision goes hazy with pleasure.
“Yeah, you come for me, darlin’. Wanna see those shakes,” he murmurs, his mouth releasing my nipple as he comes up for air.
It doesn’t take long. With one fierce, hard thrust of his fingers and one deep circle of his thumb on my clit, I fall apart. My orgasm lasts for a long time. I lose count of how many waves go through me. Jay keeps his fingers buried deep inside, now leisurely moving in and out. His mouth hangs open slightly, and I sigh.
“I can’t come again so soon,” I plead with him.
“I’m not trying to make you come. I’m just enjoying the feel of you.”
A minute passes, full of my tiny moans and his growls of approval.
“Why have you been so distant this week?” I ask, hating the needy sound of my words.
“Been trying to stay away from you until all this is over. That incident in the park was too much of a close call, and I can’t put you in danger like that again.”
I gasp as he pulls his fingers out, sliding them along my sex before pulling me close to him, surrounding me with his arms.
“Until what is all over?”
“The court case. Everything.”
Placing a hand on his chest, I draw away from him, startled by what he’s telling me.
“The court case could be a year from now. You’re going to keep me at a distance until then?” I say, emotion catching in my throat. He tries to pull me back to him, but I move farther away. Before I’d been too hot. Now I’m way too cold. Finding my underwear, I pull them back on.
“Darlin’, I can’t let you get caught in the crossfire again. It’s too dangerous. The fact that I’m forcing myself to wait should show you how much I care.”
I gesture furiously. “If that’s the case, then why let me come in here tonight?”
“Because it’s so fucking hard to resist you. I’ve been trying, but when you come in here and offer yourself to me, it’s impossible for me to say no.”
“Do you regret it?”
“No, of course not. Please understand that I fucking adore you, but this isn’t our time, baby. Not yet.” He reaches out for me and takes my hand in both of his, a pleading look in his eyes.
I swallow hard as I steel myself, his tender words melting some of my resolve. Tears gather in the back of my throat, but I manage to whisper, “Okay. It won’t happen again.”
Turning on my heel, I leave the room just in time before I start to cry.
“Matilda,” he calls after me, his voice strained, but I don’t turn back.
Twenty-Five
The next day, Jay’s busy moving his stuff out of the spare room and packing it into his car. We eat breakfast together, but aside from a few probing, intense looks, he doesn’t mention what happened the night before. And really, I’m glad. I’m feeling a touch emotional at the moment, so I’m not sure I could handle such a discussion anyway. I’d probably just burst into tears.
Before I know it, Dad and I are standing on the doorstep, waving Jay off. Dad seems just as unhappy for him to be leaving as I am, but I can tell he’s trying not to show it.
For a while, our little family of two had become three.
Jay stares at me for a long time, then surprises the both of us when he pulls me into a tight, prolonged hug. Dad looks at me with an odd expression afterward, but I try to ignore it. I think he suspects something’s been going on between us, but he hasn’t mentioned it yet. Jay pats Dad on the shoulder and shakes his hand, then heads for his car. Dad calls after him that he’ll see him tomorrow at the barbecue.
I’m still uncertain if I’m going to go. The idea of being around him for however long it takes for the drama of his court case to be over, but not actually be with him, makes my heart feel like it’s breaking.
In the end, I do go to the barbecue. Mostly because Dad would probably think something was off if I didn’t, but mainly because even a day without seeing Jay feels like torture. I need another fix. We arrive at his new place with a bottle of wine. He buzzes us through, and we take the elevator up to the top floor. The building is just as fancy as I expected, the front all made of glass and steel.