‘I’ll write it today. It seems strange that I’m actually going to be writing to her after all the years of imagining it.’ Mum and I share a smile, one that is coated with excitement and happiness.
‘That’s great,’ says Mum. She nods at the letter. ‘Read it, then.’
My darling daughter Alice
Where do I begin? I can’t tell you how happy I am to receive your letter. Happy seems such inadequate word to describe how I feel. I’m truly elated. Thank you so very much for finding me, I’ve been waiting for you ever since that day you were taken to America. Just waiting. It’s like a dream come true.
We, that’s Clare and me, have tried to find you. Clare has searched all over social media. She even hired private investigators several times but we didn’t know about the change in surname. What happened between your father and me was such a long time ago, I hardly think about it – all I’ve ever thought is about you. It’s a long and complicated story and one probably best saved for another day, when we can talk to each other face to face. Oh, how I long to hold you, my darling beautiful daughter, to hug you, to see you, to hear your voice, to find out all about you. I have no greater wish in my life than to see you, please say you will come and visit. I will pay for your travel and you can stay here, in your home, your own bedroom. Or I could come to America and visit you there. Whatever you want to do, my dearest sweet daughter, just let me know.
There is so much to tell you and so much I want to know about you.
I love you.
Mum xxx
‘It’s a lovely letter, Mum. But, you know, Alice included her email, why don’t you email her? It will be quicker.’ I pass the letter back.
‘But having something that Alice has touched herself is so precious. I thought she might feel the same about having something real and tangible from me,’ says Mum. ‘Besides, I hardly use my email account. I’m not even sure I know what my password is any more.’
‘We could easily reset it,’ I say. Mum looks doubtfully at me. ‘Or, I suppose, we could just set up a new email account for you.’
‘You could Skype her, Nanny,’ pipes up Hannah. I look over at my daughter, who has clearly been taking in much more of the conversation than I realise. Although, I don’t know why I’m surprised, she’s a bright thing. I smile at Hannah.
‘What?’ she says. ‘We use Skype to speak to Nanny Sheila and Granddad Michael.’
‘Is that where you can see each other on the screen?’ asks Mum.
‘That’s right, when we speak to Luke’s parents,’ I say. Mum pulls a face and I laugh. ‘You don’t fancy that, then?’
‘Oh no, I don’t think I’d like that. I’d have to make sure my hair was done and I looked half decent. I could stretch to an email,’ says Mum. ‘Can’t you do it from your account?’
‘I suppose so, although Alice might prefer to know she’s emailing you direct.’ I make a note of Alice’s email on my phone and take a last sip of my tea before checking my watch. ‘Look, I’ve got to get to work. We’ll talk about it later.’
Mum looks thoughtful and says, ‘I was hoping Alice would enclose a photograph of herself. I’d love to know what she looks like now.’
‘Maybe she wanted to test the water first.’ It had crossed my mind too, but I hadn’t wanted to say anything to Mum. ‘Why don’t you send her some photos of us when you write back?’
‘Yes, I was going to do that. Luke, would you be able to scan them for me?’
‘Of course, Marion. Just let me know which ones and I’ll do it, no problem,’ says Luke.
I kiss him and whisper a thank you in his ear. ‘Have a good day, you gorgeous girlies,’ I say, giving both Hannah and Chloe another kiss. Some days, leaving them is easier than others. I love my job as a solicitor, it’s something I have always wanted to do and something I have worked so hard to achieve. And for the most part, going into work isn’t a chore, it’s something I revel in. But there are other days when it is incredibly hard to leave my family. I know Hannah and Chloe will be looked after properly and they don’t miss out on anything. It’s no different to what it would be like if Luke was working in an office and I was at home. But, sometimes I have pangs of guilt about leaving them and moments of self-indulgence when I wish I was the one chivvying them along to brush their teeth or to put their shoes on. I don’t resent the roles Luke and I have carved out; it works for us as a family, but I do have secret desires every so often to be the one who works at home.