Cam was smiling down at the baby, a cup of coffee in his hands. He’d slept in today. Though it was already eleven o’clock, Cam was just having breakfast. Since Logan had quit, Cam had pulled a lot of late shifts. “What are your plans for the day? Nate wants a new desk. After catching Georgia and Logan going at it on his old desk, he claims there are way too many germs. So guess who gets to man the speed trap?”
Since the Bliss County Sheriff’s Department was currently down a deputy, there was really only one answer.
“That would be you. Tell me something, did you pull over the club owner yet?”
Cam held a hand up, his eyes going wide. “If Nate wants to milk Julian Lodge for some cash, then he can do it. That dude scares me. I was in the BAU long enough to figure out who will and won’t kill me. I already caught Wolf speeding twice though. What are you looking at?”
He slid the paper under a magazine. “Just another job I’m looking at.”
He didn’t mention where the job was.
Would they miss the mountains? Would they miss sitting on the porch together during the summer and having coffee in the morning and a beer at night? Would they miss cuddling during the winter as the snow fell?
Maybe they would flat tell him if he wanted to leave, he could do it alone.
Would they even listen to all his reasons for moving to Miami?
Not that there was any reason to go back to Miami other than the money. His mother had made that brutally clear. His mother’s reaction to his marriage had pointed out certain very hard truths about the life he’d chosen to live. He wouldn’t give it up for anything, but the minute he stepped outside of Bliss, his odd marriage became a distinct liability.
Cam leaned against the fridge. “You know you could have any job you wanted if we were back in DC.”
They weren’t in DC. “It’s different out here.”
“I know, but I don’t want you to feel like you’ve lost your touch. It’s just a lot harder to find a job out here.”
“Yes, I know. I have to be patient.” He’d applied to work with the Colorado Bureau of Investigations as a consultant. They’d explained that he was highly qualified, and that they would give him the job in a heartbeat if it wasn’t for the morality clause. He’d thought he’d be open and upfront, but it seemed that sharing a woman with his best friend was akin to having a felony conviction when it came to getting a job with the government.
That was why he’d lied about his marital status on the corporate job application. He’d stated only that he was married and his wife’s name was Laura. He hadn’t mentioned Cam at all. That was why his gut still turned when he looked at the offer.
“Can I get you anything before I head out? I’m working a double until we get the new guy in,” Cam said, picking up the lunch Laura had left for him. Cam might complain about his job with the Bliss County Sheriff’s Department from time to time, but he loved it. He fit in better than he had when they were partners in the FBI’s Behavioral Analysis Unit.
And Rafael Kincaid watched the baby. Not that he didn’t love the baby. He just hadn’t spent all that time in college so he could watch the baby. “No, I’m fine.”
Cam stared at him for a moment. “The deputy position is yours if you want it. Hell, Nate would be happy to have you. We’ve had trouble with applicants since Logan resigned permanently. Mel filled out an application, though he changed the title of the job from deputy to Chief Alien Hunter. He said he’ll do the job for free, but he won’t wear the uniform because polyester blends are alien in origin. He’s our only candidate right now.”
“I thought we had a couple of applicants from other towns.” He knew way too much about what went on at the sheriff’s department.
Cam’s eyes rolled in obvious frustration. “We had two guys from Monte Vista who were interested. They were just about to turn in their applications when Nell made her weekly protest.”
Rafe groaned. “Well, if they can’t handle Nell’s chanting, they aren’t suitable.”
Nell’s protests were a way of life in Bliss. Hell, a deputy in Bliss had to put up with any number of odd encounters.
“So what do you say?” Cam asked, his eyes hopeful.
Rafe shook his head. That was Cam’s place. They had been partners on the job once, but he needed his own identity here and so did Cam. “We would have to work opposite schedules so one of us could be with Sierra. We would never be together as a family. And we agreed that only one of us could be in the line of fire at a time.”
They had a wife and a kid. They had a future to protect, and while Cam’s job was mostly ticketing tourists and making sure everyone stayed fully clothed on Main Street, there were also those moments when the bullets started flying. Bliss could sometimes be a dangerous place.
“Rafe, man, you’re not going to be happy being a stay-at-home dad.”
He was starting to get a little irritated. There wasn’t anything Cam was saying that he didn’t already know. “Well, once a suitable job comes along, I’ll take it. I heard Cole Roberts is hiring maid staff at the ski lodge. I’ll go and apply immediately if my lack of a job irks you that much.”
Cam’s eyes closed briefly, a sure sign that he was mustering his patience. “I didn’t say it irked me. I’m just worried about you. You haven’t been the same since you came back from Miami. You want to tell me what happened?”
“I had a pleasant visit with my mother,” he lied.
Cam’s eyes narrowed. “Then why didn’t she come to the wedding?”
He looked down, not willing to meet Cam’s eyes. “She doesn’t like planes.”
“Sure,” Cam shot back. “I’ll tell you what I think. I think she utterly rejected the idea of the three of us being together and raising a child and she threatened to shut you out of her life.”
Well, that summed things up neatly. Cam had been a damn good FBI agent.
“It wasn’t a threat. My mother always means what she says. She has shut me out of her life and my brother will do as she tells him to. Hell, he’ll be happy to do it because it means he doesn’t have to split his inheritance with me.” Rafe looked down at the baby in his arms. She wouldn’t know a loving grandmother. She wouldn’t get to sit at his mother’s table at the big house in Miami and smell pastelitos cooking.
He’d never felt as vulnerable as he did looking down at the baby he’d adopted. He wondered if she would thank him for it, if she would be proud that he was her father or if she would hate him for bringing her into a family that didn’t fit the norm.
Cam moved in behind him. “Your mom is wrong, Rafe. We’re not doing anything bad. We’re just trying to build the best world we can. Maybe we do it outside the norm, but this is our life. We can’t live it by other people’s standards, not when what we do hurts absolutely no one.”
He knew Cam was right, but seeing his mother reject him so completely had killed something inside him.
He hadn’t bothered to contact his brother. They weren’t close anyway and Javier had always been closer to their mother than Rafe. His father was on a yearlong cruise with some twenty-year-old. They barely exchanged Christmas cards.
Sierra should be glad she had two fathers, because they were going to be a very small family.
Cam put a hand on his shoulder. “Things will change when I finish the software recognition program. I’ve already talked to Seth Stark about giving him the first crack at it. Another six months and we could be rolling in money and all this will mean nothing. People forgive a lot of oddities when insane amounts of money are involved.”
Rafe nodded and Cam gave him another reassuring pat. And then Cam was gone and it was just him and Sierra because Laura was working, too.
Cam meant well, but he didn’t understand. The money wouldn’t ease this hole inside him. He knew it was wrong. He had more than most people. He had a woman he loved wildly and a best friend and a kid he adored. And he wanted to matter.
Oh, he knew they loved him, and he was more than willing to give up his former ambitions. He didn’t want to go back to the rat race, but he needed to contribute.
He couldn’t even give Sierra a grandmother.
He rocked her for a while, his mind wandering, trying to figure out a way out of this desolation he felt. The last thing his family needed was a bitter man.
There was a knock on his door. He closed his eyes briefly. It was probably Gemma. Ever since she and Jesse and Cade had moved into Holly’s old cabin, Gemma showed up from time to time with her slightly dour personality and one of Cade’s loaves of bread. He rather thought Cade and Jesse were trying to soften her up by forcing her to get to know the neighbors.
He got up and crossed to the door. The slight weight of Sierra sleeping in his arms was the only thing that kept him smiling.
He opened the door, ready to invite Gemma in for what always proved to be an awkward five or six minutes, but he was rapidly getting used to his life being awkward.
And it was more than awkward because Gemma wasn’t the one standing on his porch. Zane Hollister’s massive body took up most of the space, but he wasn’t alone. Stella Talbot was wearing her red boots with the purple fringe. Marie Warner was dressed in a pair of khaki overalls, a stern look on her face. Long-Haired Roger had a trucker hat over his bald head, and Polly, owner of Polly’s Cut and Curl, was shaking her head. There was a tension among the group that was impossible to miss.