“I push you away for your own good.”
“My own good?” she parroted, feeling terrified by his distance.
Lucan hissed out a frustrated breath “I want more…I want to be inside you. If you do not step away from me I will lose control and take you in the gardens. I want to be in your heat and wetness so bad I dream of it. And by pushing you away that is what I prevent, for it would surely ruin you. But is it that you want me to take you now?”
The blood drained from her face. “No!” she muttered horrified at his blatant suggestions. Yet she was intrigued by his need. She stepped farther away, but he advanced on her and his hands spanned her waist as he lifted her. He lowered her so she straddled his knee and she could feel every muscle of his thigh straight to her core.
“I can see that you burn for me, Constance, and it is so damn tempting. Even now I can feel your heat, your desire. You yearn to know how it feels to have a man between your legs riding you. And not just any man, me, taking you, pleasuring you, teaching you passion.” He pressed a hard kiss to her lips, the apparent need on his face searing her. “I know this, for every night you torment me with dreams of how you would feel sheathed on my cock. I fantasize what it would be like to walk beside you, laugh with you, to have children with you.”
Shock held her still. “I…” No one had ever looked at her like Lucan, touched her as he did. She had been always sheltered, protected, pampered by her brothers and everyone in her life. Sheathed on his cock? She could only imagine what he meant. He shifted his thigh, rubbing against her core, and fire shot through her body scandalizing her. But the greater thing that enthralled her was what he had said. Wild hope surged inside of her. “Children, Lucan?”
She saw the utter shock that filled his eyes before his expression grew impassive. He lowered her to her feet and withdrew.
She knew that was what he uttered. “You said children, Lucan. What are you saying?” She tried to keep the hope out of her voice.
He raked his hands through his hair with an angry curse. “I did not mean to say that,” he growled.
“Don’t be a coward,” she said, not retreating. “You obviously want me as much as I want you. And you said children. I do desire your kisses, and I do want to explore this hunger that rages between us, which springs to life from a glance, a fleeting kiss. I want to walk and laugh with you as well. I also see the possibilities of us together, having such a life together, growing to love and cherish each other.”
He closed his eyes as if pained. “I hope one day you will forgive me.”
She stared into his eyes in puzzlement. Forgiveness for what? “What is it, Lucan?”
He drew her close and pressed a gentle kiss along her forehead. Confusion churned in her. She could feel the regret in his touch.
“Good-bye, Constance.”
The remoteness she saw in his expression scared her. She gripped his hand, preventing him from moving away. “I am confused, Lucan, I—”
He gently removed her grip. “Let me be as clear as I can. I made an error in pursuing you. I am no longer interested in riding out with you, and this will be the last you will see of me.”
“I thought you would speak to my brother and—”
“You thought wrong,” he said flatly.
The pain knifing through Constance almost drove her to her knees. She stared into his dark sensual features, searching for a hint of the sweet, tender lover she’d been falling for.
“You were just kissing me…touching me… I—”
His low mocking chuckle vibrated through her and tears burned her eyes.
“That was nothing special, an everyday occurrence between a man and a woman. Disabuse yourself of the notion that it meant something more.”
A sickening sensation entered her stomach, and she felt faint. Her hands shook, and she took deep breaths to prevent herself from throwing up. “I don’t understand.” Oh, God. “Is it because I am a bastard?” She was proud that her voice did not shake.
The distance in his eyes had pain clawing at her throat. She desperately wanted to leave, to weep her anguish in private. How could he be so cruel? She was ashamed of the tears that splashed onto her cheeks, and even more so from the words that escaped her lips. “I am in love with you, Lucan, and I know you feel something for me, something deeper than friendship, so I cannot understand why you are being so distant. Please confide in me.”
“Good-bye, Lady Constance.” Then he turned and walked away.
She could not comprehend his coldness after all they had shared. Constance felt hollow, like some vital part of her had been crushed, but she did not want him to see how badly he had shattered her. She wanted to travel home right away, curl up in a ball, and weep, curse, and howl. And even then, the pain would not lessen. She touched him out of need and desire, allowed him so much more because she was falling in love with him. Every touch, every kiss, and every groan she pulled from him had been nothing special to Lucan. Existence had never seemed so devoid of life.