“I’m sorry, Nance. Thank you for coming by.”
“Of course.” She forced a smile at him. Without looking at me further, she grabbed her brown leather satchel.
He walked her to the door, and she whispered something to him before lightly kissing him on the cheek. I knew I had no right to feel this way, but I was burning with jealousy. I’d been working so hard to get myself to a place where I could muster up the courage to see him, and her presence was a really unwelcome surprise.
After she left, his stare was penetrating, even though his expression still reflected a slight amusement. “Well, that was rude.”
“I don’t want you with her.”
“I’m not with her. She came by to check on me. I told her about Rose. You’re seriously jealous after everything you’ve put me through?”
“Yes. I’m jealous. And angry at so many things. But I’m done running from them all. I want to be here with you. I want you to open up about Rose to me, not her.”
“I don’t know if I’m ready for that.”
His admission caused a lump in my throat.
“I know. Even if you’re not ready to open up to me…I want you to know that I am here, that I’m not going anywhere. We shouldn’t have to face things alone anymore. I want to be here when you’re thinking about Rose or Elle or the poor decisions I’ve made. I want to share in your pain. If you’re mad at me, I want to be here so that you can unload your feelings onto me even if it hurts me. I don’t care what Daddy or anyone thinks anymore or who finds out the truth. You’re my truth. The only thing that has ever felt natural to me is loving you. No one is going to tell me I can’t love you openly anymore. I’m done running, Sevin.”
“You’re done running from reality?”
“Yes.”
He gestured with his fingers. “Come here.”
I wasn’t sure what he was going to do. Instead of touching me, he reached into his pocket and grabbed his phone. After swiping through a few times, he faced it toward me.
On the screen was a picture of a beautiful little girl with dark hair. Unprepared for the image—one I was never supposed to see—my chest suddenly felt heavy. At the same time, it was an unexpected gift. The photo was taken from the side. With a beaming smile, Rose was in a royal blue baseball uniform and clearly didn’t know her picture was being taken.
“Look at what we lost,” he said.
Taking the phone from him and choking back tears, I whispered, “I’m so sorry.”
“I’m not gonna fight the adoption. My mind is made up. I don’t want to rip apart her world. I love her too much.”
I looked over at him. “I think that’s the right decision.”
His indignant stare permeated me. “One I should never have had to make.”
“You’re right.”
“But I take some responsibility too, you know. I should have been more careful with you back then. I was so crazy in love with you that I didn’t always make the most responsible decisions.”
“Both of us.”
“I still have very little control of my feelings around you. That’s why I needed to stay away, why you haven’t heard from me while I tried to come to a decision on Rose. I’m still working on coming to terms with it. That’s partly why Nancy was here. She’s actually adopted. I wanted to pick her brain about her feelings toward her birth parents, stuff like that.”
“No explanation needed. And I totally understand why you’ve stayed away.”
“It hasn’t been easy keeping my distance from you.” He took the phone from me. “Addy told me you’ve been seeing a therapist.”
“Yes. He’s really helped me see what I need to do moving forward.”
We spent the next couple of hours opening up to each other about our feelings when it came to Rose. Sevin confessed that he, too, had been seeing a therapist to come to grips with his anger issues.
Finally, I built up the nerve to suggest something I’d been holding in. “I need to be here with you, Sevin. Everyday. I need to prove to you that I’m in this with you for the long haul—not just with my words but with my actions. My car is filled with all of my things. I—”
“Wait.” He wrinkled his forehead incredulously. “You want to move in with me?”
“Yes.”
“I’m not sure I’m ready for that.”
“I wouldn’t be sharing a room with you. I just want to take care of you for a while. Will you let me?”
“I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”
Not beyond begging, I pleaded, “Please.”