“When did she tell you?”
“Several days ago.”
“You can’t do anything, Sevin.”
I repeated, “Where does she live?”
“Promise me you will not try to make trouble for that little girl.”
“Answer me!”
“Spearville.”
“Who are these people?”
“Robert and Genia Simonsen. They’re good people.”
“You chose them?”
“The adoption agent found them. I helped select the family based on the one I felt had the best values and the fact that they were local.”
“You give them money?”
“They’re hard working, but they’re not well off. I just give them a little extra to make ends meet.”
“Why didn’t you tell Evangeline that you were in on all of this?”
“It was best that she not be involved. She was too vulnerable back then. We both know that it had to happen this way, Sevin. Imagine if Elle—God rest her soul—were to have found out what you two did…”
“Don’t say that like we committed a crime. We didn’t do anything but fall in love. I’m pretty sure I made up for my sins when it came to Elle, and you know it. I didn’t see you helping her wipe her ass as much I did.” Immediately regretting that comment, I said, “I’m sorry, Olga. But you need to understand why this is wrong.”
“Lance can’t find out I kept this from him. This family has been through enough.”
“So, I’m just supposed to forget she exists…shut up about it…so Lance doesn’t get upset? This is about me and my child. This has nothing to do with you or Lance or even Evangeline at this point. What’s their address?”
“What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know. But I need to know where to find her. You gave me their names. If you don’t tell me, I’ll find them anyway.”
“Ten Lowell Lane in Spearville.”
“What’s her name?”
“Rose.”
Rose?
How could that be?
“Rose?”
“Yes.”
“That’s my mother’s name.”
“I know, Sevin.”
“Who gave her that name?”
“Evangeline.”
“I don’t understand. Why did she want to name the baby Rose if she was just going to give her away?”
“She wouldn’t sign the papers unless they agreed to keep the name. It was a verbal agreement. She has no way of really knowing whether they followed through. They weren’t obligated to. The Simonsens didn’t know the significance of the name. Evangeline felt incredibly guilty, and I think she wanted to believe that if the baby were named Rose, that maybe a part of you would somehow always be with her.”
With my baseball cap on, I sat at the far end of the bleachers on the highest row. You could say I blended in. No one ever questioned me. I could have been anyone’s father, brother or uncle. A fixture at these T-ball games every Tuesday and Thursday at Greenbush Field, I never missed one.
After Olga had given me the Simonsens’ address, I’d held onto it for several days before doing anything with it. My initial plan was to knock on their door and explain who I was, demanding they let me see my child.
When I got to their modest two-story house that first night, I used my binoculars to peek into their window from my car. For the first time, I saw the face of my beautiful raven-haired little girl. Even though she had Evangeline’s long, thick hair, her facial features were all me. It was like looking into a mirror. I couldn’t believe it. She was slightly chubby, had long bangs that nearly covered her eyes and was wearing pig tails. She reminded me a little of the character Boo from Monsters, Inc. This was my daughter. Holy shit.
Slowly dropping my binoculars, I wiped the tears from my eyes and tried to regain my composure. She was watching something on television with her sisters and belly laughing. Suddenly, my plan to barge through their door and stake claim on her didn’t seem like such a bright idea. It seemed asinine, in fact. I didn’t want to scare her. So, I put everything off and just enjoyed this beautiful child from afar for a while. Every trip, I’d go with the intention of making my presence known, and each time, I’d decide against it.
The more I acted as a spectator, the clearer it became that Rose had a good life. She was a happy little girl, well-cared for and genuinely loved. The realization of that made it even harder to reveal myself.
So, I became The Invisible Dad.
For weeks.
Evangeline had no idea what I was up to on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Our relationship was temporarily at a standstill. We were giving each other space. She spent her days with Addy, helping to reorganize the shop for the reopening. Evangeline probably thought I was avoiding her for other reasons, but it was mainly my needing to focus on the situation with Rose for a while that kept me away.