Sins of Sevin(5)

“I guess I’m just a little eager to get outta here.”

Elle and I had been talking on the phone every day for three months. After Lance and she left the house that first day, I spent a couple of weeks mulling over his offer before accepting. Agreeing to marry someone I didn’t even know seemed like an insane thing to do at first. But in the end, the opportunity handed to me on a silver platter was really hard to turn down. My outlook was also different now since Dad dropped dead of a heart attack. I wanted to change my life, be a better person to honor his memory…basically, stop fucking around.

The timing of this opportunity seemed to be heaven sent. It felt like a now or never situation. I kept telling myself that I could always back out if it didn’t feel right. With each day, though, it seemed to make more sense.

For one, the fact that I didn’t know Elle enough to love her was irrelevant. I had no desire to fall so crazy in love with someone that losing them caused me the same kind of irreparable damage my father experienced after my mother died. I was too young then to remember much about the years before Lillian but not too young to know that my mother’s death wrecked my father.

Even though a part of me wanted to experience the intensity of love just once in my life, it wasn’t worth the risk. Having a healthy mutual respect was more important to me. Love was fucking crazy. Marriage, on the other hand, was basically just a business arrangement. Elle made it easy to want to follow through with it. She was sweet as hell and easy enough to talk to. If I did end up falling in love with her, then I’d deal with that when it came. If I didn’t, then at least no one would get hurt, and there was some good in that, too. Things were moving a little faster than they probably should have, but then again, nothing about this situation was typical.

“Well, I know Daddy is really eager about you coming out here. He says he’s gonna put you to work before you even take your coat off.”

“Seriously, anything will be better than working at the stables. You might not want to marry me right now if you knew what I smelled like.”

“There is nothing that would make me not want to marry you, Sevin Montgomery.”

“Really? Nothing? What if I were secretly a serial killer?”

“Of animals or humans?”

“Humans.”

“Then, there could be a problem. But Daddy is a hunter, and I love him. So, animals would be okay.”

“He hunts? Really?”

“Yes. He’ll probably want to take you out sometime with him.”

Shit. That better not have been another job requirement. It was then that it really hit me that I’d be working for a fucking beef plant, and that meant that I was essentially going into the business of dead animals. I’d have to suck that up, but there was no way I was going to kill one myself. Wow. I guess I did have some morals. I could look into another man’s eyes after fucking his wife, but shooting a bunny for enjoyment was out of the question.

I changed the subject. “So, tell me what else there is to do in Dodge City besides killing animals.”

“We have a movie theater.”

“Man, that sounds exciting. You’re killing me here. I can’t get there fast enough.”

She laughed. “Honestly, it’s really not the most exciting place to live.”

If Elle weren’t so conservative, I might have flirted with her and told her that I could think of a number of things we could do to pass the time there together. But after three months of feeling her out, I knew better. Maybe once we were formally engaged, I would test the waters a little more. I planned to give her my mother’s engagement ring soon after I got out there. The marquise diamond had two small sapphires on each side. It was one of the pieces of jewelry my father had stashed away in that box. He hadn’t officially given it to me, but I was taking it. Anyway, the ring was just a formality. It was pretty much understood that my moving meant Elle and I were definitely getting married.

Swallowing the urge to say something suggestive, I said, “Well, you’re lucky I like you. It won’t matter what we’re doing.”

“I really can’t wait to start a life with you, Sevin.”

I knew that she meant it, even though I couldn’t quite figure out what exactly it was she saw in me. Our conversations never ran deep enough for her to know the real me. She probably wouldn’t want to marry that guy. So, was it physical attraction? Whatever it was, I knew she was the type of girl who would be loyal. She would worship me. She’d be a good wife. Yet, there was a part of me that wanted to shake her, wishing she’d just tell me a dirty secret, cuss, tell me that she couldn’t wait to fuck me or just tell me to fuck off once in a while.