Sins & Needles(94)

It was a shitty fucking job.

We were staying in a basic cabin just outside the city of Temecula. Camden wanted something that was off the beaten path, some place Javier wouldn’t think of checking. The cabins were part of a campground and nestled in hills of ponderosa pine. It was beautiful and quiet, the kind of place where you’d stay for a few days while you tried to make sense of life all over again.

But I wasn’t coming up with anything. My life was rendered senseless. I’d spent the whole night crying, rocking back and forth on the bed. Camden. I don’t know what I would have done without him. He held me in his arms, staying awake with me. He never said a single word, he just held onto me like he was afraid of letting me go. His heartbeat, steady against my back, kept me sane and allowed my grief to flow without consequence.

“Hey,” Camden’s mouth was at my ear. “It’s a beautiful day outside.”

I rolled over under the covers and looked around the room, at the stream of golden sunshine that was coming through the windows of the A-frame. It was a lot nicer than a motel room that’s for sure. But all the sunshine in the world couldn’t clear up the blackness I felt in my heart.

I leaned back on the down pillow, relieved that no tears were coming. I must have cried them all out. “I can’t believe it,” I whispered, staring blankly at the wood beams in the ceiling.

“I know,” he said, wrapping his arm across my chest. He kissed my temple, letting his lips linger there.

“But you knew.”

He shook his head and kissed my ear lobe. “I didn’t want to believe it. I was just trying to protect us. I didn’t actually think he’d do that to you.”

“But he did…”

“Some men are weak, and when they’re desperate, they grow weaker. I know your uncle wouldn’t have let anything happen to you.”

I stared at him from the corner of my eye. “He tried to hand me over to Javier. For fifty thousand dollars.”

Camden’s smile was tight-lipped. “I know. But I think Jim really believed that Javier wouldn’t hurt you. You’re such a tough cookie, Ellie. He probably thought you’d be fine in the end.”

“You’re sticking up for him.”

“He’s dead, Ellie. He doesn’t need me to stick up for him. I’m just trying to figure him out, the same way that you are.”

I shook my head. “He held a grudge against me, all this time.”

“Then you can understand how weak a grudge can make someone,” he said softly. I stared up at him, his full lips and the three-day-old beard that was scrawled across his strong face. His eyes were tired though, with bags that pulled at them, and his brow was lined with worry. Worry for me.

“We’re going to have to get you a new pair of nerd glasses,” I told him. “Can you even see me right now?”

He raised his brow. “I can see enough. What’s wrong with my reading glasses? Not hipster enough for you?”

I shook my head. “They’re okay, if you like sexy, intelligent men. But it doesn’t do much to disguise you. Remember we need you feeling like a different person as possible when you start your new life.”

His lips twitched. “I already feel like a different person, Ellie. I don’t think I can ever go back to the person I was before. I think the real Camden McQueen died somewhere in the night.”

I pushed my breaking heart away. “I know. I think Ellie Watt did too. I think she died right there in the room with Uncle Jim. I think she’s died a million times before.”

He reached for my hand and grasped it hard. “We can do this, you know. We’ll figure things out here, but then we’ll be gone. I’m not giving up on a new life and I’m not giving up on you. I don’t care if I have to be Connor Malloy for the rest of my life, as long as you are in that life with me.”

“But doesn’t this seem hard?” I asked. “Doesn’t it seem impossible? Day after day our new lives are slipping further and further away from us. We were so close…so close and then…”

“And then you decided to save your uncle. You did the right thing and you know it. You had every reason to trust him and if you’d turned your back on him, sure none of this would have happened. But you’d hate yourself. Now, at least you know. You tried to help him. That’s all that counts. You tried to make things right and that’s more than you can ask from anybody, let alone someone who has only been burned by life.”

Fear ran its cold fingers down my back. “But he’ll never stop looking for me. Everywhere I go, he’ll be there. He won’t stop until he has me in his hands.”