Digging in his back pocket, he grabs his phone. Holding it up, I see the picture of me and Fin in the bar displayed on the screen. I can’t help it, I smile. “I knew you’d find that.”
A little tension leaves his face, and eventually, he lets out a sigh. Looking to the ceiling, he mumbles a string of obscenities under his breath. I don’t know if I do it in my shitty attempt to apologize or just because I need to feel his arms around me, but I bury my face in his chest and slide my hands around his waist.
Without hesitation, he engulfs me in a hug. “Please don’t ever scare me like that again,” he says, his voice deep. There is something comforting about having my ear against his chest as he speaks. The vibration soothing me and making me feel safe. “I’m only asking you to trust me, Diem. I know what you’re fighting for. I’m fighting for it too. But I can’t be here for you if you keep me in the dark.”
I close my eyes, delighting in the only feeling of protection I’ve ever experienced. He makes me feel secure. Like I can conquer the world as long as I have him to lean on. I don’t answer, because I refuse to make promises I can’t keep—especially to him. Pulling away from his chest, I hit the button on the elevator and we’re descending once again.
Rookie and Clark are waiting in the car at the front entrance. I slide in the backseat with Shady, keeping close to him because I can’t bear the feeling of distance between us. I’d waited too long to be near him and I wasn’t ready to let go just yet.
“Clark,” Shady says, taking charge while I stay lost in my own thoughts. “I need a sweep of room 1859. Rookie, get Cleft on standby. We got some stuff coming his way.” I meet Clark’s eyes in the mirror, giving him a nod and confirming Shady’s orders.
“You okay, ma’am?” Clark asks, refusing to move the car until I answer him.
“I’m fine,” I say, but it doesn’t appease him. “My head’s still a little fuzzy from the hit. Shady’s taking lead on this one until I can think straight. Do as he asks, please.”
He nods. “Yes, ma’am. Should I call Dorian?”
I level him with a look, although I know he didn’t mean any disrespect. But I hold tight to my authority, even though every minute that passes it feels more and more like a façade. “I might have taken a hit, but I’m still in fucking charge. Now, unless you want to call Dorian to ask for a promotion, I suggest you do the job that was given to you.”
A sparkle of respect dances in his eyes as the corner of his mouth turns up slightly. “Yes, ma’am.”
As we drive away, I pull the jump drive from my back pocket. “This is a list of every Death Mob member old and new along with all their information. Family, background history, addresses, phone numbers—everything you need. I’ve been working for two years to get this. Don’t fuck it up.” I hold it out to Shady, who offers me a smirk.
He’s so much better at all of this than me. The more power I have, the more I want to give it away. Maybe I’m not cut out for this life. But Shady? He was made for it. Taking the drive from my fingers, there is a sadness in his eyes. He can see right through me. I’ve always been good at concealing my thoughts, but I’ve never been able to hide them from him.
He knows I don’t want this. And he hates it for me. He doesn’t have to tell me, but the promise is there. I can feel it. He’ll do everything in his power to protect me. Whether it’s from my father. From my family. Or even from myself.
29
SHADY
WE MAKE IT back to the hotel and I get busy sending the files straight to Cleft from my laptop. I’m not sure what Diem’s plan is for it just yet, but I won’t move forward on anything until I have a say-so from her. Two years of enduring who knows what is a long time for me to just take this from her without giving her the satisfying glory. Whether she wants it or not, I don’t know. But it will be her who makes that decision.
She shows up to my room freshly showered, beaten, and looking completely exhausted. My blood boils at the sight of the bruise on her cheek. Fin deserved a hell of a lot worse than what he got. “I need sleep and it comes better with you.” I couldn’t agree more, and open the door further, inviting her in.
“I’m gonna shower,” I tell her, while she helps herself to one of the bottles of whiskey at the minibar. She grabs a cigarette from my pack on the dresser, lighting it before giving me a nod.
I take my time, giving her some space. I know she feels more comfortable having me here, but she still needs to reflect on everything that happened tonight. I don’t know what she endured in the moments before I got there, but the evidence on her face paints a picture that leaves me with a pretty good idea.