Sinner(81)

My angel.

But it can never be, and I know that. There’s no future here, there’s no next step, no, well, anything.

I shake my head. Jesus, not like that’s what I’m looking for anyways, right? Relationships are clingy, and stifling.

Not for me. For me, there’s always the next girl, the next pretty face at the bar. And for her, there’s Milton.

The dark thought burns inside of me again, and I shake my head clear of it.

“So, should we figure out how to get the hell out of here?”



The barbecue is quieting down by the time we sneak back out the side door of St. Ann’s. True enough, my dad is still talking with Mr. Lowry, and hers is still, well, baptizing heathens in the beer keg bucket.

Eva’s hand lingers in my own, fingers tracing mine before we have to make that final turn around the corner of the church and back into the spotlight.

It’s the voice behind us that has us jumping apart.

“Little early in the day for Bible study, isn’t it?”

Fuck.

I whirl around to face her.

Fiona.

Fiona standing there with her arms crossed and that look on her face. That look — that dangerous look she gets when she’s about to go unhinged.

“But I’m bettin’ you two weren’t exactly studying the holy word, huh?” she says with a wicked grin, staring daggers at Eva.

Eva’s face goes red, a small gasp on her lips.

“Your daddy know where you’ve just been?”

“We-” Eva stammers, “we were just getting something from the church.”

“Oh I bet you were just getting something.” Fiona laughs wickedly and smirks. “Your shirt’s on inside out by the way, honey.”

Eva’s face falls, and Fiona just grins wider — like a shark.

“Jesus, Row. You know, I hear her father is quite the-”

“That’s enough, Fiona,” I growl, stepping forward.

“Oh, I’m just getting-”

“That’s enough,” I hiss, louder this time, my jaw going tight as I glare at her.

Her mouth goes small.

“So that’s it, Row?” Her voice is suddenly different — softer, pleading. Except, I know this trick, and it no longer hooks me like it maybe once did.

“So that’s how we end this?”

“There’s no this,” I hiss, glaring at her. “There’s no-” I shake my head. “You’re engaged, Fiona.”

She laughs. “That’s funny, Row. Rumor has it, so is she!” She nods at Eva before turning to glare right at her. “Now what would your daddy say about you playing bad girl with this guy?”

“Get out of here, Fi, I’m warning you.”

“I’m just here to enjoy some barbecue food, Row. Just want to mingle with the church folks, you know?” She runs her tongue over her lips, her eyes narrowing at me.

“After all, there are two preachers here now, right? I bet they’d love to hear the stuff I could confess.” Her lips turn up at the corners as she narrows her gaze on Eva again. “I bet your daddy would love the confessions I could spill about what’s going on behind his back, huh?”

My hands close into fists as I step forward. “Leave, Fiona,” I hiss, shaking with the rage inside. “Now.”

“Like I said, just here for some barbecue, Row,” she laughs, patting my shoulder as she moves past me.

“In a church, huh?” She laughs, lingering in front of Eva before shaking her head and making a clicking sound with her tongue as she brushes past her towards the party.

Eva’s face drops to her hands, but I quickly, pull her out of sight behind the corner of the church. I cup her jaw in my hands and raise her eyes to mine.

“You okay?”

Her eyes dart side-to-side, her head shaking. “I- I don’t know.”

“I’m sorry about that,” I say quietly. “If it helps, she’s not actually going to say anything. The threatening is just the sort of evil person she is.”

Eva nods, glancing up at me. “Who is she?”

“No one.” I shake my head, my eyes locked on hers. “She’s just….” I sigh. “She’s my Milton.”

Eva smiles wryly. “She’s who you’re supposed to be with.”

“I have no interest in being with someone just because everyone thinks I should be with them.”

“Same,” she whispers.

I pull her tight, and though she resists at first, she finally sinks into me, her cheek coming to my chest. And then the thought just sort of comes to me, and the words are blurting out before I can even really think about what they mean.

“Let’s go do something.”

The fuck am I saying?