“He’s not my fiancé,” I say quietly.
“The hell he isn’t!” My father booms, slamming the side of his fist into the refrigerator. “I’ve picked him for you for good reason, Evangeline! He’s a strong, churchly-”
I snap.
“You picked him, Dad!” I scream, shaking my head at him. “Not me, you! And that does not make him my fucking fiancé!”
“Evangeline!”
I turn at the sound of my mother’s horrified gasp to see her standing in the doorway, clutching her robe and holding a hand to her mouth in shock.
“Sweet merciful Jesus,” my father croaks out, his eyes blazing as he shakes his head at me. “I wish I could say that I don’t know where this wickedness is coming from, Eva, but I’ve a strong idea where it is!”
“You have no right talking to Milton about my…my…” I squeeze my eyes shut and clench my fists as I swallow the revulsion. “My purity? Are you kidding me? That is none of your or Milton’s-”
“That is entirely my business!” my father bellows, jabbing a finger at me. “I am you father! And it is well within my Godly rights to make sure my only daughter enters the convent of marriage with her innocence intact, as willed by God!”
I shake my head. “Do you even hear yourself? Do you even understand how out of touch that is?”
“The world is out of touch, Eva,” he hisses through clenched teeth. “The world is slipping quickly into the hellfire of damnation, and you can be sure that I will not let it drag you down with it.” He narrows his eyes at me. “And you can be damn sure that I won’t let that Hammond boy drag you down either.”
“I’m not marrying Milton.”
“As God as my witness, yes you are!”
I turn and start to walk up the back staircase.
“Don’t you turn your back on me! We’re not done here, young lady!”
“Yes, we are,” I say quietly to no one as I take the last step into my room, and slam the door shut.
I lean against it, squeezing my eyes shut and willing the tears not to fall as I sink to the floor. I suck in a breath of air, running my hands through my hair and trying to exhale the tension of this day and this situation.
I’m being given to some man as if I’m something to be traded — something to be owned. I’m twenty-one and this is what my life is boiling down to — decisions being made for me. My life being chosen for me.
What I can and can’t do being decided for me.
And I’m done giving up control.
I’m done letting those choices and decisions pass me by as if what I want doesn’t matter.
And suddenly, I know exactly what I want. Suddenly, I know exactly how to get the power of my own choice back.
Slowly, breathing quickly and feeling my heartbeat race, I peel my clothes off and start the shower.
I take my time.
I shave my legs, and wash my hair, and wrap myself in a fluffy white towel as I stand in the steam of the bathroom.
I don’t actually own any “sexy” underwear, so I slip on a pair of black cotton ones. I put on a dress, and a little makeup.
Finally, I take a deep breath and glance at myself in the mirror, and I smile.
It’s time to stop hiding behind the unknown. I’m done hiding behind the beliefs of my parents.
I’m done being innocent.
I open the bedroom window and start to step out onto the back porch roof like he did a few days before.
Because it’s time for what I want. And right now?
Right now, I want Rowan Hammond to fuck the innocent right out of me.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Rowan
The top of the beer hisses off with a twist, and I toss the cap with a clatter across my kitchen counter.
Jesus.
I almost slept with Eva. Normally, that’d be a good thing, well, except for the almost part. But it’s not with her, and I know damn well why.
I know damn well why, even if it freaks me out. Even if it throws my whole head for a loop.
It freaks me out because she’s not just some other girl. It scares me because the things I feel around her are feelings I’ve actively avoided for, well, my entire adult life.
It twists me up because somehow, despite her being the single last girl I can imagine me feeling like this for — with her prim and proper values, with her inexperience, with her Bible and her cross around her neck.
Somehow, I think I actually like her.
I think I fucking really like her.
I think being around her makes me feel fucking alive — makes me feel stronger, and better, and like I can be the best version of myself with her. And that’s what’s got me freaked out about saying no to her basically offering herself to me.