The tears start to come then, and another person I don’t know is hugging me and telling me how it’s all going to be ok. And with this stranger’s arms around me, I realize how awful I am that I’m standing there shedding tears over some bullshit crush on some bullshit shadow of a man named Hudson instead of my father, who I should be crying over.
And then I’m tearing away and pushing my way through the crowd, back up the stairs, past the goddamn library and the terrace, and down to my room. I’m under the covers, my face pressed tight to my pillow as I sob for my father, for me, for the pain of growing up and the bitterness of life.
P R E S E N T
“Hudson!” I’m stomping up the staircase to the second floor, chasing him as he storms down the hallway
“Goddamnit, Hudson where-”
“Go back, Reagan.” He’s in the upstairs library, pushing open the double doors to the terrace where that kiss happened all those years before. Back to the scene of the crime. I tense myself and tighten my jaw as I stand staring at the double doors across the room where he’s just gone through, feeling the licking tendrils of the shivering cold teasing through the crack where he’s left them not quite closed. I storm across the room, fling them open and step out into the chilly night. Determined to corner him here.
“What the fuck was that back there?”
He turns, his face looking tight and tense and his sharp blue eyes blazing liquid fire as they stare at me. “It’s nothing, Reagan. Just leave it. Oh and say hi to Chet for me.”
I stare at him, feeling my own flame begin to churn inside of me. “You’re jealous? Of Chet?”
“Of course I’m fucking jealous.” He growls it quietly, before he starts to stalk past me back into the house.
“You know it wasn’t just that you rejected me and made me feel like a complete idiot.” My mouth spits the words out before my brain can stop me, and he freezes in the doorway.
He whirls around, his eyes blazing that steely blue fire as he looks right into mine.
“It wasn't just that you humiliated me, Hudson, after you led me on like that.” I take a shaky breath, realizing I’m about to say everything I’ve been wanting to tell him for five years. “I was young-”
“So was I-”
“You knew better!” The pained look in his eyes says it all, but I just can’t stop. “And you just left me there!” I can feel the tears begin to well up, hot and stinging my eyes as my heart races in my chest.
“I was a mess, Reagan.” He says gruffly, a tightness to his voice. “I was broken and I didn’t want you to get dragged into my-”
“You know what Hudson? Fuck you- it’s not that!”
I’m desperately trying to keep it together and not let myself fly off the handle, but it feels like the whole stupid thing is about to give way.
I feel my throat tighten, catching my breath in my throat. “It’s not even that you wound me up and left me feeling like a stupid little girl-”. My chest burns and my eyes sting as I glare at him, standing there with his smoldering gaze just burning into me. “I mean what was the point of pretending you even liked me like that for all that time Hudson?”
I’m crying now and telling him this, and basically doing everything I don’t do as I just spill everything.
“What was the point of making me feel like I was special or like you even wanted me?”
“Jesus, Reagan, because I-”
“I saw you!” Tears are rolling down my cheeks, fueled by the memory of him driving away all those years before. “I fucking saw you leaving with that girl, OK?” My breath hitches as I try and fight the tears. “And after nothing even happened with us, you went off and gloated to everyone that you fucked the boss’s daughter anyways!”
His face crumbles into a frown. “Reagan, what the fuck are you talking abou-”
“ ‘A girl like that is just another place to get your dick wet’, right Hudson? That’s what you fucking said, right?” Hudson’s face is tight and his eyes are flashing fire at me he takes a step forward and reaches for me, but I rip my arm away and turn away from him. “No, forget this, and fuck you, Hudson. Fuck this whole thing, just leave me alo-”
He grabs me, his grip tight on my arm, and I gasp as I feel him pull me around and yank me against his chest. “Will you listen to me!” He growls.
I can feel my heart leap into my throat as he holds me tight against him, and I fall right into those eyes as the smell of him and the feel of his hands on my skin just draw me right in.
“Don’t touch me!” But I know my fight is gone the second I find myself in his arms, and I’m not stopping him.