That’s it.
What happened earlier today and then again tonight should probably stop happening, but I somehow doubt either of us have the ability to make that happen. But we should. This should stop happening. In the long run, us getting together can’t be a good thing, and I think we both know that deep down.
And so even with how well Emily and I get along, I’m acutely aware of the divide between us. No woman will ever be her mother - certainly not me. And so I get the worry Landon’s probably been harboring all night. I get the worry that a girl like her might look more into this more than she should. And I’m not that.
I’m not her mom, and I won’t ever be her replacement.
I can’t be.
The glowing warmth from what we just did slowly dissipates as the cold, yet honest, thought creeps through me. I stir, pulling my head up from his chest and swallowing the lump in my throat.
“I need to go,” I whisper in the dark.
“You could honestly stay the night,” he murmurs, sitting up and meeting my eye. “There’s a guest room, and we could tell Emily-”
“No, Landon.”
He peers at me in the low glow of the moonlight coming in through the window, and I shake my head.
“I’m not her,” I say quietly.
He frowns. “Excuse me?”
“I’m not her,” I barely whisper it this time, but his face goes dark as he understands what I’m saying.
“I’m aware of that.”
“Are you?” I sit up, pulling the sheet up over me. “I’m in your house, having dinner with your daughter, spending the night in your bed?”
“Serena, I’m perfectly aware of what this is.”
“Then enlighten me, because I don’t think either of us are aware of what this is!” I spit back.
He sits up all the way, his eyes narrowing at me. “What do you want from me?”
“Nothing, Landon. I thought that was the whole point. We’re here to secure the team, and turn those voter shares into holding shares. That’s what we need from each other.” I meet his gaze, neither of us saying a thing for a minute. I shake my head as I stand, slipping from the bed.
“I shouldn’t be here.”
“Then why are you here, Serena?” he growls.
Because I wanted it to be real.
Because deep down, part of me wants this to be real, as stupid and silly as that is. Deep down, I want something like this. A man like Landon, a little girl like Emily, a life like this.
Like this, but not this life. Because this isn’t real. He and I will never be that life, and I know that. I know that Emily and I will never be more than taco-making buddies, and “this life” exists only in my head.
Because we aren’t those people. We’re broken, and damaged, and right now?
Right now we’re just fooling ourselves.
“Great question.” I look away and reach for my clothes on the ground, slowly pulling them back on.
Landon gets out of bed and steps towards me. “That’s not what I was implying, Serena,” he says, his voice softer now.
“I know, but I need to go.”
I stiffen for a second as his hands move to my arms, pulling me back against him. My eyes close, and for a second, I let myself melt back into him.
“You really can stay.”
I scrunch up my face as I pull away from him, shaking my head as I turn to meet his eyes. “No, I can’t.” I lean up and kiss his cheek before buttoning my shirt up the rest of the way.
“I’ll see you at work, okay?”
And then I’m leaving that room, walking back through that house and past those moments from earlier that don’t really belong to me, and stepping out the front door.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Landon
And we’re back.
A few days go by after the taco dinner at my place, and Serena and I are right back to being strictly professionals. Well, chilly professionals. She actually sort of avoids me after that night, even going so far as to suggest she finally get her own office, which I grudgingly grant.
She froze up that night, and it’s been like that ever since. A fucking fantastic night, where things just seemed to click with everything. A night that ended in us breaking down and crashing together again, like this inevitability that keeps happening. But after all that and after everything, something shook her. I felt it when she tensed against me in my bed. I felt it when she pulled back, when her smile faded, and when she walked away.
I thought we understood each other.
Guess I was wrong.
Part of me feels like I should have told her about what Kyle told me, but it’s not my place. And besides that, I don’t even know what the revelation could mean. No sense in throwing that at her, she’s got enough going on right now.