Sinner(146)

Landon




“The trick is, you have to use two different kinds of cheese,” Emily says with all the authority of an eight-year-old taco aficionado. “My friend Alicia’s mom makes tacos sometimes, but she only uses one kind of cheese.”

My daughter makes a face conveying just how sacrilegious Alicia’s mom’s cheese choice faux-pas is. Serena nods seriously.

“I totally know what you mean. Who only uses one cheese?”

Emily’s brows shoot up. “You use two also?”

“Oh, totally. It’s the only way to have tacos.”

My daughter beams at her.

“So what else are we putting on these?”

I watch from my amused spectator seat leaning against the fridge with a beer in my hand as Emily half climbs over the kitchen island to grab the supplies.

“Cheese, duh.”

“Well, duh,” Serena shrugs.

“Aaaaand tomatoes, and the hamburger, and the lettuce, and the sour cream.”

“How about some guacamole?”

Emily’s face sours as she shakes her head. She’s decided long ago that avocados are entirely too close to a green vegetable for her to touch. Honestly, lettuce is a damn battle.

“Eww, no way.”

Serena laughs at the look on her face. “Really? Have you ever tried it?”

Emily shakes her head.

“Oh, it’s delicious. People eat it all the time down in Texas.”

My daughter’s ears prick up. “They do?”

Serena nods. “Oh yeah, it’s the best.”

“Do you eat it?”

“Oh my God, I love guacamole.”

Emily taps her chin like she’s thinking it over before she glances at me and then Serena. “Okay, I want guac then.”

No fucking way.

My brow shoots up in surprise as Serena glances at me.

“Dad, do we have any guacamole?”

I chuckle as I shake my head. “No, because you refuse to eat it, remember? I thought you hated guac?”

Emily shoots me a look. “No, I love guacamole, Dad.”

Serena grins at me over my daughter’s head. “I can make some if you’ve got some avocados?”

Ten minutes later, Emily’s kneeling on a stool, shoulder-to-shoulder with Serena and unable to keep her hands out of the bowl as Serena mashes avocados and lime juice and onions together. I still haven’t moved from my spot against the fridge, watching this whole thing with bemused amusement as I sip my beer.

Well this is interesting. I have never once introduced a woman I was sleeping with to Emily. Not once. In my head, they’ve always been separate lives that I love concurrently, but with the edges never remotely touching or blurring.

There’s my dating life - my sex life. And then there’s my home life, away from all that. I’ve never even been remotely tempted to introduce my daughter to a woman I was seeing, or sleeping with, because it’d just be confusing. Hell, none of them were going to stick around - I made sure of that, and it’d just be jarring to her when they left just as quickly as she met them.

And then there’s the other reason - the one I almost can’t even admit to myself. Emily was barely a toddler when I lost Sarah, and I don’t know how people actually remember from when they were two - I sure don’t remember much - but I want whatever she does remember about her mom to stick. I don’t want it watered down with anyone new. I don’t want those memories to be diluted with some random girl I’m going to take out, fuck once, and never see again.

So, suffice it to say, this is new.

This is unexplored territory.

And this would be terrifying if it wasn’t so damn easy to watch, the two of them clicking like two peas in a pod. I watch my daughter giggling away with Serena, helping to add ingredients, and even taking a turn at mashing, always looking eagerly up at Serena for approval.

“Like this?”

“Just like that. Oh man, this is going to be the best guac ever.”

Emily’s smile could not actually get bigger as she turns and beams at me.



Another fifteen minutes of guac-perfecting later, we’re sitting at the table shoving tacos in our mouths and cracking up. And I’m still the third wheel here, just watching with the same bemusement from earlier as Emily chatters non-stop to Serena about something her teacher said at school, and then something gross one of the other kids did at lunch.

Serena occasionally glances up and winks at me as she catches my eye, but besides that, it’s just the two of them, with me just chuckling as the onlooker.

And it’s kind of amazing to watch. It’s easy, and it’s familiar despite how new this is for both Emily and myself.

I shake my head as I watch the two of them try and see who can fit more olives in their mouths, grinning at the way Serena just knows how to interact with her. How she instinctively helps her spoon hamburger meat onto her plate, how she laughs and grabs a napkin to wipe sour cream off her nose.