“Since when am I a guest?” Macey asks, that spark of hers shining brightly.
“Hale, dear. Now,” Brielle says.
He rises to his feet and follows her to the kitchen on the other side of the condo.
“Dom, my ass,” I mutter under my breath.
Macey chuckles, lightening the mood for a second before she eyes me with suspicion. “What are you doing here, Reece?” It’s as though she knows I just bared my soul to Hale, or at least attempted to.
“I came here intent on telling Hale what I want, and I wasn’t leaving until he understood it.”
Her nose crinkles as if she wants to understand, but doesn’t. “And you guys are good?”
“I think so.”
I glance into the kitchen to see Hale looking our way, still closely watching my interaction with Macey. Part of me can’t believe I came here to openly square off with him. I hadn’t gotten the chance to say everything I wanted to, but I know I will. I’ll set this right. These last few weeks have been eye opening. The people in my life who’ve forced me to take a good, hard look in the mirror showed that I don’t like the man I’ve become.
“Listen, Macey, there are some things I need to apologize for.”
“I’m listening,” she says, folding her hands in her lap.
Fuck, where do I begin?
I regret that I didn’t kiss her in our sessions. I regret the rough treatment I showed her body. Most of all, I regret letting her walk away six years ago. If she gives me another chance, and I pray she does, I want her stretched out in my bed, no ropes and no toys. Just pleasure and intimacy I’ve craved for six long years. I need to say good-bye to the man I once was, because if we do this, there will be no going back.
“I loved you back then. You knew that, right? I never said the words, but—”
“Yes, I knew.” Her voice drops, and her eyes glisten with moisture.
“And it fucking gutted me when you left.”
Her brows pull together. “You’re the one who helped me fill out my college applications, practically pushed me out of the nest.”
“I know. And I’d do it again in a heartbeat, because you were destined for more. I wasn’t going to be the prick who held you back from achieving it.”
“Yeah, some success story I turned out to be,” she says quietly under her breath.
“Don’t you dare define yourself by one failed relationship and a job that was going under. You fled when you needed to, and you’re bouncing back just fine.”
“I guess so.”
“What I really want to apologize for is our sessions. You scared me. You strolled into my club, so cool and confident, and you knew exactly what you wanted. I made a bargain with myself that I wouldn’t get attached, or feel anything for you again. I tried to treat you like any other sub, but it was quite obvious that you weren’t.”
“No, I’m not a submissive. It was a stupid idea, stupid of me to think we could do this without feelings getting involved. And stupid to think I could play the role of the kind of woman you like.”
“You’re the only kind of woman I like. All of this—the club, the toys—it was all meant as a distraction. I needed it like I needed air.”
“What are you saying, Reece?”
If she trusts me enough to do this, I’m packing up all the impersonal BDSM implements I’ve used as a crutch. And not as some grand gesture, but because I want to. We won’t need any blindfolds or handcuffs because I’ll want her to see me, to touch me. It scares me, but it’s what I want. And if she wants toys in the bedroom, we’ll buy them together.
“Come outside on the balcony with me?” I want to get away from the curious ears of Hale and Brielle, who are standing only twenty feet away. Macey rises from the chair, and I grab the throw blanket from the back of the couch and wrap it around her shoulders. She hugs the blanket to her and follows me out onto the balcony. I slide the glass door closed as Macey stands near the railing, looking out at the spectacular view.
For a moment we just listen to the city noises below. The hum of traffic. A police siren fading in the distance. The whoosh of wind that lifts her hair from her neck.
It’s January in Chicago, and barely thirty degrees out. Our breathing comes out in soft puffs as the warm air contrasts with the cold. I want to pull her into my arms and hold her small frame against mine, but I know I’ve lost that right.
“I wanted to properly apologize for the way I treated you. I shouldn’t have left you alone like that after our sessions. But I hope you understand now that I needed to get away. I couldn’t seem to separate the emotion from the sex.”