It doesn't seem that I have much choice now, does it?' Claire responded tartly.
Almost instantly his face closed up, his mouth going hard. No, it doesn't, does it?' he agreed with more than a hint of acerbic grimness. And since that's settled, if you don't mind, I'd like to go upstairs and have a shower.'
Seeing the weariness in his tense back, Claire wished her own part in their exchange unsaid. The problem was that she had been so shocked by Lucy's innocent revelations that things had got out of hand. She had had everything carefully planned-a family meal over which she and Jay could relax in one another's company, and then a quiet evening with the girls, followed perhaps by a chat together in front of the sitting-room fire, when she would have felt relaxed enough to convey her intentions to him. Now, abruptly, all her plans had been swept away, and far from being relaxing, the evening looked like being extremely tense indeed.
Still, looking at it from Jay's point of view, it had hardly been a good homecoming. She could remember how tired and tense her father used to be after dealing with a difficult business meeting, and Jay had had a whole series of them. It could hardly have helped his frame of mind to be greeted by the artless announcement, the moment he stepped through the door, that the whole village was gossiping about them.
She was just about to clear the kitchen table when she suddenly remembered that she had forgotten to put clean towels in Jay's room.
The airing cupboard was full of clean towels, and she selected a pile at random, pausing outside his bedroom door to knock.
She heard him call out, Come in,' and pushed open the door with her hip.
I just remembered that you don't have any towels … ' She froze, her voice locking in her throat as she realised that she had interrupted him while he was getting undressed.
He had discarded his suit jacket and his shirt. The latter lay on the floor, a puddle of white cloth. She stared at it for what seemed like a long time, as she fought to control the rapid rise and fall of her chest.
She couldn't look at him again. One brief glance at that tough, muscle-hardened torso with its rough shadowing of hair had been enough to freeze her where she stood.
Obliquely she was somehow aware of her own body as though she had stepped outside it. She could feel the rapid pulse of her blood along her veins; she could hear the frightened thud of her heart. She knew that her eyes had dilated with the shock and that her breathing sounded raspy and painful.
The room was warm, and yet somehow she could feel the soft movement of air against her skin like an icy embrace, as Jay moved.
It's all right, Claire, it's all right … ' She knew that he was aware of what had happened to her and that logically there was nothing for her to fear, but while her mind could comprehend it, her body could not. She saw him reach past her for his shirt and tug it on. All the time he was talking soothingly to her, but she barely heard him. She couldn't comprehend anything other than the maleness of his body; that blocked everything else out. She shuddered as he fastened the buttons, remembering that dark arrowing of hair disappearing beneath his belt.
Claire, it's all right.'
He stepped towards her, taking the towels from her numb arms and putting them down on the bed. It's all right.' His hands gripped her arms, and felt their clenched muscles. He started to massage them, easing the frozen tension out of her.
I … ' Somehow she managed to unlock her tongue, a tide of fierce heat enveloping her as she realised how stupidly she had behaved. She was shaking violently now, perspiration breaking out all over her skin. Where she had been cold, now she was hot.
It's all right … don't try to say anything. Come and sit down for a moment.'
Numbly she let him lead her to the bed, and gently push her down on to it. Now, with the raw evidence of his maleness concealed from her, she was able to get herself back under control.
Is it always like this … ?'
Always?' She looked blankly at him.
Mine can't be the first naked male chest you've seen, Claire,' he reasoned, catching the train of her thoughts.
That was true, but the others had been sanitised by their surroundings: on television, on the beach … Never, ever in the intimate confines of a bedroom; never, ever so close to her that she had seen the faint stickiness of sweat dampening the silky chest hair, or been aware of the musky male scent of a man's body.
I … '
Mummy, I'm hungry … when are we going to eat … ?'
I'm hungry too.'
Lucy and Heather stood in the open doorway.
Will you and Daddy both be sleeping in here when you're married?' Heather enquired innocently.
Above her Claire heard Jay catch his breath. No,' he said roughly.
You and Mummy didn't sleep in the same bed either, did you?'
No,' he agreed. Claire's like your mother. She wants her own bedroom.'
Why do you want your own room?' Heather asked her.
Claire got up and walked towards the door.
Because she likes her privacy,' Jay answered for her. His voice sounded unfamiliarly harsh, as though something had hurt his throat. It couldn't be anything to do with her. A reaction perhaps to the memories Heather had unwittingly stirred up by mentioning her mother?
IN SPITE OF EVERYTHING, supper was a convivially relaxed meal, any conversation gaps left by the two adults more than compensated for by the excited chatter of the two girls.
Can we tell everyone at school about you and Mummy getting married?' Lucy asked Jay.
If you think they'd be interested.'
An announcement like that was bound to cause more gossip than it squashed, at least until they were actually married, Claire reflected as she cleared away their plates and got out the pie.
Claire's made apple pie for you cos it's your favourite, Daddy,' Heather told her father with a beam. She made it specially because you were coming home.'
Did she? That's very kind of her.'
Against her will Claire found herself turning to look at him. In a low voice that neither of the girls could hear, he said softly, I think I'm going to like coming home to a wife who makes apple pies especially for me.'
For some extraordinary reason Claire felt herself tremble. To compensate for it she said sharply, Didn't Heather's mother.'
No … No, Susie wasn't much of a cook,' said Jay sardonically. Her talents lay in other directions.'
Yes, and she knew what those were, despite those separate bedrooms. Her face grew hot as she thought about the likely outcome had his ex-wife happened to walk into his bedroom when he was half naked.
What's wrong?' asked Jay.
Nothing.' How on earth had he come to have such long thick lashes? She wondered absently, fighting to disentangle her glance from his. They looked so soft, so at odds with the harsh angles of his face.
Mummy, may I have some pie?'
Hurriedly Claire turned towards her daughter.
Much to her surprise, Jay joined in the girls' bedtime preparations. Heather was much more relaxed with him now, she noticed as she briskly handed both girls clean nightdresses.
Clean your teeth and then straight into bed.'
And then will you come and read to us?'
That was Heather, the dreamer. Claire was reading The Secret Garden to them, reliving her own childhood pleasure in the magic of the book. Out of the corner of her eye she caught the expression on Jay's face.
Not tonight, it's Daddy's turn,' she said firmly, not letting herself respond to Heather's agonised expression.
That brief awareness between them when she had sensed Jay's feeling of rejection had gone, but she had been aware of it, just as she was aware of his pain whenever Heather turned from him to her.
He was upstairs for a long time. Claire busied herself in the kitchen, knowing that when he came down they would have to talk, but reluctant to do so.
He came in quietly, but she was still aware of him. She turned to look at him and was struck by the air of exhaustion that clung to him.
You look tired.'
It's been a long week. Heather still seems to see me in the guise of some sort of ogre. I can't believe that Mrs Roberts alone is responsible.'
Claire didn't either, but she had to choose her words carefully. She's a very sensitive child; she hardly knows you. You've been away such a lot. From what she tells me she hasn't spent much time with either you or her mother … '
No. And if you're trying to tell me that in those circumstances it's hardly surprising that she wants to reject me, I know it, but that still doesn't stop me from … Every time I reach out to her she retreats from me, but with you … '
Some little girls do respond better to their own sex, especially at that age,' she soothed. I know how you feel, though,' she added in a low voice. I feel equally guilty when I see how enthusiastically Lucy goes to you. It had never even occurred to me that she might miss having a father, even though I was very close to mine.'
She heard Jay sigh.
I'm sorry I forced your hand earlier on.' He leaned back against the wall tiredly, hands pushed into his pockets. The material strained across his thighs and her attention was concentrated like a fly trapped in honey on the strong play of muscles there. Desperately she wrenched it away.