It was nearly an hour before Lissa reached the small market town. She found an empty space in the surgery car park, and hurried on jelly-like legs towards the building.
She wasn't kept waiting very long. The partner she saw was new to her, a pleasant, quietly spoken woman in her mid-forties, who briskly confirmed her own suspicions. We shan't know for definite of course, until we get the results back,' she added, but from what you've told me there seems little doubt that you are pregnant.'
She went on to discuss pregnancy in general with Lissa and advised her to ring her in a couple of days when they should have obtained the results of her test.
Although she had been in the surgery less than half an hour it had been long enough for the roof and bonnet of her car to become covered in snow, as were her tyre tracks. Huddling deeper into her jacket Lissa unlocked her door and climbed in, trying not to dread too much the drive back home.
A cold, biting wind had sprung up while she was inside, whirling the heavily falling snow into a blinding storm. Crawling along in a low gear Lissa prayed that she would reach home safely. Several times she skidded but on each occasion she managed to control the car before any damage was done. When at last she was on the familiar half mile or so of road that led to Winterly's gates relief poured over her, relaxing her tense muscles. She was just about to turn into the entrance when a Land-Rover turned the corner beyond the gate, heading towards her from the opposite direction. She braked instinctively, gasping with shock as she felt her car start to slide towards the stone wall that encircled the park, knowing that she was helpless to prevent the collision.
Her seatbelt pulled tightly against her body as her front wheels dropped into the ditch, the bonnet of her car screeching horribly against the stones. Part of her was conscious of doors slamming and footsteps coming towards her, but until her door was wrenched open and Joel bent down and across her, releasing her seatbelt mechanism, she hadn't realised he was in the Land-Rover.
What the hell did you brake for?' he demanded grittily, almost pulling her bodily out of the car. We'd seen you coming and we were waiting for you to turn into the drive. Didn't it strike you that the Land-Rover is far easier to control in weather conditions like these?'
I didn't think … I just reacted instinctively,' Lissa admitted huskily. Now that the initial shock of the impact had worn off she was beginning to feel distinctly odd … only too glad of the hardness of Joel's chest behind her, as he half carried and half dragged her away from her car.
Where the hell have you been, anyway?'
Conscious of the fact that Joel's companion-one of the tenant farmers-was watching them, Lissa shook her head, closing her eyes on a sudden wave of sickness. She must have gone completely limp in Joel's grasp because instantly his arms tightened round her, and she heard him swearing under his breath as he swung her up off the ground and carried her towards the Land-Rover.
I'll take my wife up to the house,' she heard him saying to his companion. You see if you can get her car out of the way. Left there it will only cause a hazard.'
Dimly, like someone in a dream, Lissa was conscious of Joel shouldering open the Land-Rover door and depositing her on the hard seat, before taking his place next to her. The engine started, its roar filling her senses like the sound of waves pounding on to surf, and then they were jolting down the drive towards the house, each jolt making her shudder and clench her stomach muscles against an increasing need to be sick.
The moment Joel stopped the Land-Rover she scrambled out, making for the downstairs cloakroom.
You'd better call the doctor,' she heard Joel speaking behind her, his voice curt; angry almost. Lissa's just had an accident in her car. I'll take her upstairs and get her in bed.'
She wanted to protest that she was neither deaf nor dumb and moreover, perfectly capable of putting herself to bed, but the bout of nausea had left her too weak to do more than moan a miserable protest, as Joel picked her up and strode towards the stairs.
In their room he placed her on the bed, and stood frowning over her for a few seconds before asking tersely, Are you hurt at all? Did you bang your head … '
I'm fine Joel,' she told him weakly, it's just the shock … ' Instinctively her hand went to her stomach, and lay tensely there, but Joel missed the betraying gesture, his eyes on the scene beyond the window.
What on earth possessed you to take the car out in the first place? Where the hell had you been?' He broke off as Mrs Fuller tapped on the door and came in with a tray of tea.
I've rung the doctor and he should be out soon.'
A numbing lethargy was creeping over Lissa. All she wanted to do was to close her eyes and go to sleep, but Joel wouldn't let her. He kept on talking to her, demanding to know where she had been. If only he would go away Lissa thought weakly, refusing to answer.
Lissa you mustn't go to sleep.' His voice was painfully harsh, ringing dauntingly in her ears. You might be suffering from some slight concussion … Open your eyes … '
Wearily she did as he instructed. He looked quite pale, she noted with detached curiosity. He also looked extremely angry. It gave her a certain amount of quiet satisfaction to realise that she had escaped somewhere where neither of these emotions could touch her. Indeed she felt extraordinarily detached herself … quite strangely so. She must close her eyes …
Lissa!' The sound of her name exploding beside her with angry vehemence forced her to open them again. Joel's head jerked up and he stared at the window, getting up to go and look out.
The doctor's arrived, thank God.'
His fervency hurt her, betraying how anxious he was to escape from her presence.
Her door opened and Mrs Fuller came in. Lissa smiled weakly at the doctor. The older woman raised her eyebrows. Well now … what's all this?' she demanded briskly.
I had a slight bump in my car,' Lissa began to explain, but Joel over-ruled her, telling Dr Soames what had happened in terse, bitten-out sentences.
She was very sick almost immediately afterwards. I was concerned that there might be some degree of concussion.
Umm … I don't think so,' Dr Soames pronounced, examining Lissa's forehead. She doesn't seem to have bumped her head at all. More likely to be the nausea was caused by her pregnancy.' She frowned a little and said to Lissa. I suggest you spend the rest of today in bed. In my view it's too early yet for your accident to bring on a miscarriage, but we won't take any chances. Any other bumps or bruises?'
Lissa shook her head, unable to look at Joel. He had gone to stand by the window when Dr Soames came in and he was still standing there with his back towards her, the intense rigidity of his spine making her heart sink. This wasn't how she had planned to tell him that she might be carrying his child.
CHAPTER TEN
WHY? Why the hell didn't you tell me?'
They were alone, Dr Soames having left, and Mrs Fuller having tactfully shepherded both girls downstairs. Joel swung round to stare at her. Her head was aching muzzily, and Lissa reflected wryly that fate seemed determined to work against her. How on earth was she to marshal her arguments against Joel when her brain refused to work properly.
I wasn't sure myself. That's why I went to see Dr Soames this morning. I knew it was something we'd have to talk about but I wanted … I wanted to be sure of my facts before we did … '
Sure of your facts … ' How brittle and angry Joel's voice sounded. He swung round and she saw his face, confused by the grimness of his voice and the pallor of his skin. No doubt it had come as a shock to him to discover that she was carrying his child especially when … she bit her inner lip painfully to stop the weak tears from forming and forced herself to face the truth. How could Joel want her to carry his child when in reality he loved Marisa?
Well it seems now that there's precious little doubt.'
She didn't blame him for being angry, but it wasn't entirely her fault, she reminded herself, trying not to remember the sensation of his hands on her skin … his mouth against hers, his heart thudding out its primitive intoxicating message against her body.
Do you want to abort it?'
Lissa couldn't hide the flash of shocked pain in her eyes, but managed to whisper croakily, Do you?' She ought to have been prepared for this, but somehow she had not. It was, after all, the neatest, tidiest solution, but it was not one she could ever agree to. Even if Joel rejected her she still intended to go ahead with her pregnancy.
No.' His voice was harsh, his head averted so that she couldn't see his expression.
Neither do I,' she admitted huskily.
You realise what you're committing yourself to, do you, Lissa?' he demanded, still without looking at her, and I don't just mean motherhood. I want to make it quite clear now that there is no way I would ever allow anyone else to take my place in my child's life. I won't divorce you so that you can go to Greaves,' he told her levelly, facing her for the first time.