Sinful Nights(40)

CHAPTER FOUR


WHY AREN'T YOU WEARING a white dress?' Louise scowled, looking  uncannily like Joel, as she sat on Lissa's bed watching her dress.  Brides always wear white dresses,' she complained. I've seen them!'

Yes, darling, I know,' Lissa agreed, but this isn't that sort of  wedding. Now, you're going to be a good girl for Mrs Chartwell aren't  you? She's going to look after you and Emma while Uncle Joel and I get  married.'

She's got a dog,' Louise told her, instantly distracted, excited colour  glowing in her cheeks. Can we have a dog Lissa? Mummy said we couldn't  because Granny was all  …  alle  … '

Allergic,' Lissa finished for her, remembering her mother's aversion  for any kind of pet. We'll see,' she told the little girl. I'll have  to ask Uncle Joel.'

Ask Uncle Joel what?'

Lissa felt her stomach muscles tense as Joel walked into her room. He  was already dressed for the ceremony in a dark pin-striped suit and a  fine white silk shirt. He looked very tall and male, Lissa thought  shakily, and for some reason she had the oddest desire to be held  against his chest and comforted the way he had comforted Emma the other  evening when she fell over and grazed her knee. She wanted her fears and  miseries soothed away, the way he had soothed Emma's she thought  crazily, stunned by the impact of her thoughts.

If we can have a dog,' Louise replied promptly, forcing her to take  notice of what she was saying, rather than abandoning herself to the  enormity of her own thoughts.

Louise would like a dog,' Lissa cut in shakily. I told her she must ask you.'

I don't see why not  …  but  …  only if you're a very good girl,' Joel  added cautioningly when Louise started to bounce up and down on the bed,  and that includes not making Mrs Johnson angry.'

His mention of the housekeeper made Lissa remember her own doubts about  the other woman, and saying firmly, Louise, be a good girl and go and  see if Emma's awake will you?' she sent her out of earshot.

Joel was frowning as the door closed behind her and Lissa said quickly,  I sent her away because I wanted to talk to you about Mrs Johnson. I  don't like her attitude towards the girls-at least I don't like what  I've seen of it. I realise that staff can be hard to find but  … '

If you want to replace her you can do so,' Joel surprised her by saying  without argument. I've had a few doubts myself,' he told her grimly,  but I've already been accused of spoiling the girls, so I held my  peace.'

Spoiling them? By whom Lissa wondered.

All ready?' His glance skimmed her pale face and then studied the soft  cream wool of her suit. The colour was a perfect foil for the richness  of her hair, and although Lissa thought she looked far too pale she was  conscious of looking good in the outfit-a new one she had purchased for  spring and so not yet worn. She had confined her hair in an elegant  knot, and on impulse had driven into the nearest town the previous  afternoon and managed to find an absurd concoction of feathers and net  in a Princess Diana style which made her suit look much more bridal.

Almost. I've just got to dress Emma and Louise.'    

 



 

I'll do that for you.'

Once again he had stunned her.

Don't look like that,' he told her grimly. I do know how to. What's  the matter, Lissa?' he mocked. Surprised to discover that I'm not quite  the ogre you thought?'

His perspicacity unnerved her. He saw far too much, far too clearly.

She managed a light shrug. It's just that I find it surprising that you  should know so much about child care-you being a single man.'

Somehow she managed to make his caring sound suspect, and was instantly  ashamed of herself, but he only said quietly, I don't find it at all  unmanly Lissa, and if you do, then I'm very sorry for you  …  but it's  your problem. John was a devoted father and spent a lot of time with the  girls. Amanda had a nanny but both of them believed in being with the  children as much as possible and I think that is the right attitude. Too  many women shut their husbands out of their childrens' lives,  especially when the children are very young.'

Once again he had made her feel very much in the wrong  …  very shallow  and unfair in her attitudes. Biting her lip, she turned away from him  and concentrated on putting on her lip gloss.

Don't wear too much of that stuff,' he startled her by drawling. Her eyes swivelled sharply to meet the amusement in his.

I don't want to get it all over me when I kiss you,' he explained  softly, apparently fascinated by the slow crawl of hot colour turning  her pale skin pink. Her fingers went instinctively to her lips as though  to protect them from even the suggestion of his touch. A thick sound  stifled in the back of his throat drew her attention back to Joel. He  was standing watching her, with an unreadable expression in his eyes,  their gold darkened to a burning topaz.

You've got all the tricks Lissa,' he told her bitterly, I'll give you  that  …  but you're wasting your time playing the shy bride on me. I know  the real you-remember  … '

And knowing-still want me,' she flung at him dangerously. For a moment  the tension of his body frightened her and then he seemed to force  himself to relax.

An inexplicable weakness,' he agreed in a slow drawl, but one which I suspect time and familiarity will eliminate.'

He was gone before Lissa could retort. She stared into the mirror at her  own baffled and furious expression. Had he really meant to intimate  that once he had made love to her a few times he would no longer want  her? No doubt about it! Her mouth compressed grimly. Oh, she hated him  …   hated him  …

Angry colour sparkled in her eyes as she joined him downstairs, her  cheeks still glowing faintly with the heat of her resentment. Both girls  bounced excitedly around them as Joel shepherded them out to the car.

Mrs Chartwell offered to have them for the night, but I didn't think  that was a good idea,' Joel told her quietly as he opened the car doors.  They've had bad dreams just about every night since their parents  died, and I don't want to subject them to any unnecessary alterations in  routine.'

Lissa managed a casual shrug. Well we're hardly a normal bride and groom are we,' she countered.

What's normal?' Joel held open the car door for her and Lissa shivered  remembering what he had said about their marriage. As he closed the car  door on her she had a wild impulse to thrust it open and tell him that  she couldn't go through with it. The words hovered on her lips, but just  at that moment Louise leaned forward from the rear of the car and said  happily. After today I'm going to call you "Mummy" Aunt Lissa, and I'm  going to call Uncle Joel "Daddy", and we'll be together for always won't  we? You'll never, ever go away to heaven and leave us will you?' The  anxiety in the high childish voice silenced Lissa's tongue. How could  she back out  …  how could she subject the girls to more upset and  upheaval?

The answer was quite simply that she could not, and it was this and  nothing else that kept her going through the brief, tense ceremony that  made her Joel's wife. As he had threatened, once she was he bent his  head to kiss her. The warmth of his breath fanning her face made her  feel faint; but the acute nausea she was used to experiencing when men  came so threateningly close to her never came; nor on this occasion was  she attacked by those flashing pictures that so often in the past had  tormented her; images of Joel staring down at her dishevelled clothing  and flushed face, Joel disapproving and contemptuous  …  perhaps because  this time it was Joel himself who was kissing her, Lissa thought numbly,  keeping her mouth firmly closed as his lips moved over it. She could  feel him checking slightly, anxiously aware of the narrowed scrutiny in  his eyes as they searched hers. Her heart was thumping alarmingly.    

 



 

If you're thinking of reneging on our bargain Lissa, then don't,' he warned her softly.

There was no time for him to say anything more because they were being  congratulated by the Vicar and Joel had to turn aside from her to  respond to him.

An hour later having accepted the celebratory glass of sherry the  vicar's wife had offered, and collected the girls, Lissa sank thankfully  into the leather upholstery of Joel's Jaguar. She felt exhausted, both  emotionally and physically; totally drained by the effort of maintaining  a façade of calm, while inwardly she was a mass of nerves.

Joel too seemed unusually silent as he drove them back to Winterly; even  the girls were a little subdued Lissa noticed. Now that the ceremony  was over and they were actually man and wife she felt foolish wearing  her frivolous hat and the first thing she did as she walked into the  house was to take it off, halting with it still in her hands as she  observed the determined expression of the housekeeper as she came into  the hall. The grim look in the older woman's eyes, plus the fact that  she was dressed in her outdoor clothes gave Lissa an inkling of what was  to come, and she was proved right. The moment Joel was through the door  Mrs Johnson announced curtly that she was leaving. As she made this  pronouncement she eyed Lissa with disfavour, adding that she had told  Joel when she took the job that single gentlemen were what she preferred  working for and that she never worked in households where there were  children.