Since I Fell For You(84)

“Trying to help someone I had a hand in destroying doesn’t make me a hero. Sending Darrell to career training classes, buying him and his wife a house, paying for the most expensive private school in town—none of that makes up for what I did. He won’t ever get his eye back. And it won’t make up for all the other people who got hurt because I wasn’t tough enough to stand up to my father.”

“It wasn’t that you weren’t tough enough, Roman. You thought your father had your best interests at heart. You thought he was taking care of you. You thought you could trust him.” She looked fiercely protective. “It’s not what you did as a kid who was failed by his father that defines you, it’s the fact that you refused to continue making those mistakes as an adult. And I’m not the only one who sees how great you are. Jerry saw it, even back when you were still fighting. All the kids who worship you there see it. Eddie sees it. My brothers see it. At least they did, until they flipped out about us kissing.” Her lips lifted at the corners. “You’re going to have to face it, Roman—you’re a good man. A good man I love.”

“If I were actually good, I would have kept my hands off you.” But even as he said it, he was running his hands over her, needing her softness. Her heat. Her love. “If I were truly good, I would have dreamed about you from a distance, would have remembered that you’re too good for me.”

“On the contrary,” she countered in her smart and sexy voice, “you’re too good a man to leave a girl hanging like that. All that unquenched need, all those unrequited emotions, were already making me crazy. Who knows what would have happened to my company if you hadn’t finally put your hands on me? I might never have been able to focus on getting my work done again. Although,” she added as she leaned in so that her breasts rubbed against his chest, “I might never want to work quite so many hours again, now that I know how much fun taking time off with you can be.”

He didn’t know if he was ready to concede to being full of shiny goodness yet, even though she had made some good points about his being a kid who had done the best he could in a shitty situation. But he wouldn’t apologize for taking her away from her bruising work schedule.

“You work too hard, Suzanne. I’ve been worried about you burning out, hitting a wall. Everyone in your family is worried too.”

“I know my dad is, but only because he told me so at the lake. But I thought my brothers were just on me because of the random calls and server attacks.”

The reminder of the threat against her—which now included an apartment fire they needed to get to the bottom of—made his gut twist. “You said it yourself out on the dock last night. You’ve tried so hard to be everything to everyone. And I’ve personally seen that extend beyond your family to your employees, your investors, your customers, the charities you do pro bono work for. You’re extraordinary. The most extraordinary woman I’ve ever known. You’re brilliant, beautiful, loving, and capable of conquering anything you set your mind to. But no one can do it all. Not even you.” He ran a hand over her cheek. “I know I’m pretty messed up from my childhood, but I don’t think I’m the only one.”

“No,” she said with a hollow-sounding laugh. “You’re definitely not.” She sighed. “I decided a long time ago that surviving my crazy childhood wasn’t enough. I wanted to thrive. I wanted to conquer the world. It didn’t matter how many hours I worked, how little sleep I got, whether I forgot to eat or shower. All that mattered was making the mark on the world my mother never had, because she was never strong enough to step outside the box of being anything more than my father’s muse.”

When a shiver went through her from talking about her mother, she nestled in closer to him looking for comfort. The same comfort she’d given him when he was telling her his story.

“And it was okay to burn my candle at both ends, because I didn’t have anything else that mattered more to me. Didn’t have anyone to cuddle up with on the couch, or cook dinner with, or make love with in the middle of the afternoon.” She shifted to look him in the eye. “Now I do. I want you, Roman, messy childhood and all.”

He wanted all those things too. He’d been fighting loving her. But now he realized he’d been fighting for all the wrong reasons. Yes, he still wanted the best for her, but despite his past mistakes, no one would ever love her more. No one would ever treat her better.

And no one would ever love her the way he did. Deeply. Truly.