“Everyone loses at least once.”
“We wouldn’t have had the money to pay the rent if I had.”
Her eyes widened with increased dismay. “He would bet that much?”
“He trained me to be a sure thing.” He wouldn’t tell her how painful that training had been. Especially right after his mom left and his dad was so angry. Roman had been the perfect person on whom to vent his fury. “So yeah, the bets got bigger every time.” It had been a vicious cycle that Roman couldn’t figure out how to escape for far too long.
When she went silent, he tried to change the subject before she could ask any more questions. “What did Alec say? Did he know about the fire? Is he on his way back to the city?”
“Ian was alerted by his building manager and he called me and Alec. Looks like Ian left a message for me a half hour ago.” But they’d been too wrapped up in each other to hear it ring. “I told Alec I’m fine and that I’m staying with you, so they have nothing to worry about and shouldn’t rush back from the lake tonight. But we can figure out all that tomorrow once they get here, bright and early. Right now I want to know—how badly would you get hurt in your fights when you were a teenager?”
So much for wishing the call with her brother would distract her. Roman had never let anyone get this close, had never planned to tell anyone what he’d kept hidden in his soul. But Suzanne already knew enough and cared enough—hell, she even thought she loved him—that there was no use trying to divert her again.
“Some nights were worse than others,” he admitted in a low voice. “My injuries were never anything I couldn’t heal from. But some of the guys I fought…” He swallowed hard, putting his hand on his neck and rubbing it as the dark memories flooded back. “They didn’t always walk out of the ring in one piece.”
“Roman.” Her voice wasn’t pitying. Not judging, either. Understanding. “He shouldn’t have done that. Shouldn’t have used his own son that way.”
Her empathy touched him deep down in a place where he’d never let anyone else go. The realization of how much he needed to unburden himself to someone who understood made his words extra rough as he worked to compensate for that need. Pushing out of her arms, he walked like a robot over to the couch they’d only just made love on and sank down on it.
“Eddie’s dad, Darrell, was the last guy I fought.”
Refusing to let him push her away, Suzanne came over to the couch and curled up on his lap, putting her arms around him while he spoke. She was a lifeline he hadn’t wanted to need, but did. Needed more than anything else in the world.
“We went to school together. He was a nice guy. Bigger than I was, but slower. I knew his dad had problems with drugs, that there were people he owed money to, knew his father needed the money maybe even worse than my dad did. But my training—to always win no matter what—wouldn’t quit. Even when I knew I should hold back, I didn’t. I didn’t know how. Didn’t have that kind of control. Hadn’t been trained for it.” He’d been trained to destroy. He swallowed hard, stroking her hair as he spoke. “His eye started bleeding. Bad enough that he should have gone to the hospital. But they didn’t have the money. And his father was mad enough at his loss that he took a few swings at him and made things even worse.”
Roman remembered wanting to jump between them, but if anyone knew how messed up father-son relationships could be, he did. So he’d stayed out of it. Just collected his winnings and got the hell out of there.
“Darrell didn’t come to school for a while. When I found out why—that he’d lost his eye and that an infection from leaving it untreated too long had nearly killed him—I left my dad’s house. I didn’t have anywhere to go, and when Jerry from the pizza shop figured it out, he let me sleep in his back office. I never fought again. But since I needed money for a place of my own, I did the only thing I figured I’d be any good at. I became a bodyguard.” When he finally emerged from his dark memories and looked down at her face, he saw tears swimming in her eyes. “Now you see why you shouldn’t be with me, why you shouldn’t give a damn about me.”
But the horror he expected to see on her face never materialized. Instead, she gently—lovingly—caressed his jaw. “You’ve told me so much, but you haven’t told me the whole story. Have you?”
“You mean about the other guys I hurt in the ring?”
“I’m sure they hurt you too,” she pointed out. “But that’s not what I’m talking about. I saw how much Eddie loves you, and that you love him too. You’ve always been there for him, haven’t you? You wished you could step in to help Darrell, but you were just a kid. Once you were on your feet, once you could make a difference in his life, you did, didn’t you?”