Unfortunately, even that expert blowjob had only scratched the surface. Carter's face in his goddamn head still had him on edge. He could still see clearly Carter as he boxed the punching bag he'd set up in the barn, shirtless and dripping with sweat. Jeremy had wanted to lick his smooth, hairless white chest, wanted to push down those gym shorts and see the long cock that teased him through the thin fabric.
"Thanks," Jeremy said, putting his own cock back in his pants. The curly haired guy put himself away as well, and grabbed his beer off the bedside table, taking a swig. He offered it to Jeremy, who declined.
Thankfully, Curly wasn't one for awkward chit-chat either, so at the declining of the beer, he'd given another thank you and a genuine smile before heading back out to the party.
Jeremy followed behind him shortly, then ducked into the thankfully empty bathroom to pee. He hated how tense he still felt inside. It was a pleasurable tension, but equally annoying. He'd just had some of the best head he'd had in a long time, and he still was hard for Carter fucking Darling.
Jeremy stared at the spot on his arm where he had brushed Carter's three mornings ago when he had found Carter talking with his sister and Daphne in his parents' kitchen. It'd been the last thing he had expected when he stumbled down for breakfast, seeing Carter there. He didn't know what possessed him, but he should have known better than to touch the man. He'd wondered if he still got those same tingles he had years ago whenever Carter would touch him innocently in that endearingly tactile way he had. Jeremy still couldn't process his feelings for Carter any more than he had years ago. There had been many guys since the last time he'd seen the man, but his gut still clenched, his body tingling because of that one touch. The way Carter looked at him reminded him of old feelings Jeremy thought he had put aside. And it made no god damn sense.
While Carter's expressions still sometimes gave him away-Jeremy hadn't missed the way the man ate him up with his eyes-he had lost some of his openness. Carter Darling had always been almost as precious as his last name with his soft face, marble white skin that looked as if it never saw the sun, bright red hair, and large, open blue eyes. Now, though, he seemed harder.
Definitely in the literal sense, Carter was harder. His jaw had squared and his muscles were cut, not an ounce of excess fat on his strong, athletic frame. He looked older, stronger, and even more lickable than Jeremy remembered. A product of military training, Jeremy presumed, though he knew from Sarah's updates that Carter had been in physical therapy after a knee injury that'd ended his career in the armed services.
Jeremy couldn't think back on the day he'd heard Carter was injured and that there were no updates. It still broke him out in a cold sweat he didn't like to assess.
But Carter still had that shiny spark in his eye that was very Carter. When he looked at Sarah and Daphne, Carter still had that sweet boy inside that Jeremy had missed. The one Jeremy had thought for the briefest moment he might fall for. Which was stupid, because Jeremy was hard ridden and put up wet at this point, and Carter was the goody-goody who would probably follow in his parents' footsteps, all the way to Washington. With a wife, to boot.
Jeremy had always had a problem falling for straight guys. His therapist said it was probably a form of punishing himself or some psycho mumbo jumbo.
But something told him, even when he'd known Carter as a young teen, that the young Darling was not one hundred percent hetero. That didn't matter. He was entirely not Jeremy's usual type. Mostly, in that he didn't have a criminal record, didn't have a laundry list of psychological traumas, and he had his shit together. Although, as far as Jeremy knew, the guy wasn't out of the closet, if he was even gay, so the crush made some kind of sense.
Jeremy was cocky as the next guy and wasn't into the whole "I'm not good enough for him" bit. But he definitely could recognize that nothing good could come from fucking with Carter. Even if the kid wasn't sweet-too sweet, from what Jeremy remembered-and Jeremy's parents didn't think Carter hung the fucking moon, Jeremy didn't have time for complications that would come from fucking up a kid like Carter. And inevitably, Jeremy either fucked up or got fucked up when he had relationships. Which was why he didn't. His situation with his band mate, Troy, holding out for something so hopeless, was just another example of his inability to make wise decisions.
Which was why he also needed to stop flirting with Carter, because in the last two days before Jeremy had left to come back to Nashville for a final gig with his band District & Wild, his flirt had been strong. And Carter looked like a cornered puppy. Who had fucking time for that shit?
Someone banging on the bathroom door brought Jeremy out of his thoughts. Damn, he must have been more tired than he thought, zoning out like that for so long. He washed his hands and went back into the party. At that point, the smell of pot was thick and beer bottles littered the floor. He wasn't sure at what point a frat and a bunch of sorority girls had shown up, but the party was officially no longer anything resembling his scene.
He made his way to where his band, Troy, and Troy's girlfriend, Macy, were holding court with a few guys they knew from another band in Austin who'd been in town for the small-venue music festival they'd played that night.
"Yo, Germy, where you been?" Troy asked. He smirked when he saw Jeremy, no doubt guessing what he'd been getting into. That the knowledge seemed to turn Troy's crank only added to a long list of reasons he needed to get the man out from under his fucking skin.
"I think I'm ‘bout to head out, guys." He nodded at everyone in the group, shaking the hand of the lead vocalist from the other band.
"Wanna hang out in our room tonight?" Mace asked with a flirty smile. Jeremy's stomach flipped, and not in a good way. Ever since Jeremy had found out Carter had seen Troy and Macy leaving after their last band rehearsal slash hookup, he'd felt a little pathetic and kind of dirty. And that was fucking weird because Jeremy didn't give two shits what anyone thought about his sex life. Usually.
He forced a smile. "Not tonight."
Troy's smile didn't reach his eyes when he said, "I guess the twink wore you out."
Weird. Seemed he was a little pissy. Further proof Jeremy needed to get the fuck out of there. Distance from his band and his weird situation with Troy and Macy was the whole point of spending the next couple months at home. It was time to get his head back on.
He knew it from the moment his music wasn't joyful anymore, from the moment picking up his guitar made him feel stressed rather than blissed. The hot mess that was their entire band's current dynamic had Jeremy in a weird place. He was wondering if maybe he didn't want more. And that felt strangely like growing up, which annoyed him. But time off … If nothing else, he needed it for his sobriety.
"You know it," he said, winking at Troy and giving Macy a kiss on the cheek. "I'm heading straight home in the morning, too, so I'll catch up with you guys back in Austin in June."
He didn't know what made him say June. He had intended to go back sooner. He hadn't planned, originally, on spending five months at home with his chronically disappointed parents. But saying it felt right. They didn't have any studio time until June. One of their band mates would be visiting his mother in Guatemala until at least then, so Jeremy felt like it was a sign.
Troy and Macy both looked surprised at that, but Jeremy just tossed a wave goodbye and headed out.
* * *
Jeremy's hands ached from the cold, but there was no helping that. January in Tennessee meant cold ass mornings, and this morning didn't disappoint. The temperature on his truck's dash display said it was just above freezing. He hadn't been kidding when he'd said he was heading home first thing. After barely sleeping because of his strange anxiety ups and downs, he'd woken before the sun was up, checked out, pointed his truck south on I-24, and drove the two hours home.
He slung equipment over his shoulder and carried it into the garage, every once in a while pausing to look out at the horses as they galloped in the pasture beside the house. Their breaths caused puffs of fog in the cold morning air, but they played and ran carefree.
"You need help?"
Jeremy turned to see his sister walking up from the main barn. She was bundled in a fleece coat and her work gloves, so she'd probably been feeding. Her cheeks were pink from the chilly air, making her pretty, makeup free face appear much younger than her twenty-one years. A swelling of affection for his little sister, his favorite person in the world, started in his chest and let itself be known in the way his face broke into a grin.