Silk and Secrets(25)

With deliberate cruelty, he said, "Trust you not to betray me? Based on your past record, I would be mad to do that."

Juliet's skin went bone white against her red hair as blood drained from her face, revealing a pale ghost of freckles across her cheekbones. "Obviously it was a mistake to entrust me with your honor," she said, her voice almost inaudible, "but you can trust me with your life, and you know it."

In spite of what he had said, Ross believed Juliet's statement. She might have betrayed her marriage vows, but she would never be cowardly or treacherous, especially not if her brother's life was at stake. And, for honor's sake if not affection, she would do nothing that might endanger her husband.

Yet accepting her proposal was unthinkable. Ross had never thought much about the afterlife, but he knew that spending several months close to his wife would be a fair approximation of hell. "I can't stop you from coming," he said wearily, "but neither can you force me to take you as my servant."

"Then I'll go instead of you," she said, undeterred by his attitude. "In fact, that's the way it should be. Ian is my brother, not yours. You have suffered quite enough because of the Camerons."

As her challenging gaze met his, the atmosphere changed, the center shifting from the mission to Bokhara to Ross and Juliet. The anger and tension that pulsed between them tonight stemmed from one raw, unresolved wound: their failed marriage. It was time to address it directly.

"If we are both determined to go to Bokhara, there is probably a better chance of survival if we work together," Ross said, his voice harsh. "But we can't do that unless we stop trying to provoke each other. Ever since we met, we've been dueling, looking for changes and weaknesses."

"You're right." She sighed. "I'm not particularly proud of my behavior, and you haven't been at your best either. It's time to declare a truce."

But before that could happen, Ross must find an answer to the question that had tormented him for a dozen years. "Why did you leave me, Juliet?" he asked quietly. "Were you in love with another man?"

She looked away. "No," she said, her voice equally low. "There was no one else."

He waited for her to say more. When she didn't, he said reflectively, "Since we were together constantly, I suppose that you would scarcely have had time to fall in love with someone else. Very well, if you didn't run away to be with a lover, was it because you couldn't bear to confine yourself to one man and one bed forever and were too honest to stay and become an adulteress?" Given Juliet's passionate nature and subsequent activities, he had thought that was the likeliest explanation.

"I don't know whether to feel complimented by your opinion of my honesty or insulted by your appraisal of my morals," she said in a tight voice. "No, Ross, there are other reasons for ending a marriage besides sex. I did not leave you to follow the siren call of promiscuity."

"Then why did you leave?" Trying to sound detached, as if the subject had nothing to do with him, he continued, "I was happy, and you seemed to be also. We had only a few disagreements, and to me, at least, they did not seem serious. What did I do that was so unforgivable?"

Her eyes met his, stark and miserable. "You did nothing wrong, Ross. The problem was me. I should never have married, not you, not anyone." She pushed her chair away from the table and stood, drifting across the room away from the circle of lamplight. "That's what I was trying to explain in the letter I left. I must not have done a very good job, or you would not still be wondering why."

Unable to keep the bitterness from his voice, he said, "I gave you credit for trying to spare my feelings, but in spite of your explanation, it was hard not to take it personally when you left. In fact, impossible. Particularly since you were so quick to ask for a divorce. England is full of miserable marriages, but Parliament grants scarcely a divorce a year. It seemed like you could barely wait to get rid of me."

She turned toward him, her face unreadable in the shadows. "I'm sorry that you took it that way. I swear that there has never been anyone else that I cared for as I did you. I suggested that you seek a divorce so that you would be free to start again with someone else. A better woman, one who would make you happy."

But he had never wanted anyone else. Once more he asked, "Then if you didn't leave for love, or lust, or because you despised me, why did you go? Please give me a straight answer, Juliet. I need to know."

There was a long silence before she replied, a catch in her throat, "The simple, unvarnished truth was that I feared that if I stayed in England, I would lose whatever it is that makes me what I am. I don't think it's possible to explain more clearly than that."