Silk and Secrets(150)

She caught his hand and held it against her cheek, not looking in his eyes. "It's strange," she said, her voice haunted. "More than anything on earth, I want to please you. I used to have fantasies that I would sacrifice my life for yours, and just before I died, you would forgive me. But while it would be easy to suffer for your sake, it's hard, so hard, to do something that will make me happy when I don't deserve it."

"If you want to please me, you have no choice but to be happy yourself, for when you are miserable, so am I." Ross's fingers tightened around hers. "Separately, we are two restless, lonely people, but together we can make each other whole. There has been enough pain, my love. It's time for joy."

Juliet felt as if her heart was breaking. She did not deserve such love and loyalty, yet Ross was right. They were bound together for life. Nothing in the past had severed that bond, and she knew intuitively that nothing in the future would either.

Ross had also been right to say that it was not his forgiveness that she needed, but her own. It was time to forgive herself, for both their sakes.

She inhaled deeply, than raised her head and looked into his dark eyes. "I often wondered why I didn't die in Malta. Perhaps... perhaps it was to give me a chance to make everything up to you."

Forcing her tears to remain unshed, she gave her husband a tremulous smile. "If you're sure you need me to be happy, I love you too much to say no."

There was a still moment when nothing more was said because nothing needed to be. Then Ross reached out and opened Juliet's silk caftan to find the ring suspended around her throat. Taking the chain in his hands, he broke it with one quick movement, the links biting into his palms, then took the ring and dropped the chain on the divan.

Slipping the gold band onto the first knuckle of her third finger, left hand, he caught her gaze with his and said solemnly, "I, Ross, take thee, Juliet, to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, honor, and cherish, forsaking all others, till death do us part."

Sliding the ring all the way onto her finger, he finished, "With this ring I thee re-wed." He raised her hand and pressed his lips to her taut fingers.

The tears she had tried to suppress began slipping down Juliet's cheeks as she lifted his left hand and clasped it tightly against her heart. Phrase by phrase, she repeated the vows, then finished, "Whither thou goest, I shall go, beloved husband, for I am yours, body, mind, and soul." Leaning forward, she kissed him, her touch both thanks and promise.

As breath and heartbeats quickened, Ross swept Juliet into his arms and carried her to his bed, and there they reconsecrated their marriage. For the first time since they had met again, there were no shadows or unanswered questions between them; the worst had been revealed and it had not destroyed their marriage, but made it stronger.

They made love with passion and tenderness and a depth of tempered emotion more profound than anything their youthful selves had been capable of. Afterward they lay in each other's arms and talked of a future that was no longer forbidden ground.

Finally their voices slowed, but before they drifted into sleep, Juliet dared to ask a question that would have been unthinkable before. "If I had learned that you were in Malta and gone to you instead of the sea," she said hesitantly, "would you ever have been able to forgive my unfaithfulness?"

His brows drew together as he gave her question serious thought. "I would have taken you back because I loved you, and because you were my wife," he said slowly. "And I think we could have been happy again, but I would never have forgotten, and what you had done would have always been between us, like an indelible stain.

"But I feel as if we have spent the last four months forged by fires that have burned away everything unessential. Malta seems so distant, so unimportant, that forgiveness is not even an issue because what we have endured has melded us together so closely that there is no room for shadows. For me, the past truly does not matter. What matters is now, and that we love each other."

Content, Juliet rested her head on his shoulder and prepared to sleep in his arms. In a voice meant more for herself than Ross she whispered, "Now and forever, amen."





Epilogue





Southhampton Harbor

October 1841



As porters carried their luggage from the stateroom, Juliet lay back against the sofa pillows and watched dreamily. She had done quite a lot of that lately, as she and Ross had slipped seamlessly into a marriage that combined the comfort of long acquaintance with the passion and wonder of first love.

It had taken a month to wind up her affairs at Serevan, though they had sent an immediate message to Lady Cameron in Constantinople, to end her uncertainty. As Ross had suggested, Juliet transferred ownership of the fortress to Saleh. They left Serevan the same day as Ian, she and Ross heading west and her brother, still thin but now tanned and fit, going south to the Persian Gulf.