He releases his hold on me when I attempt to turn over in the bed, facing him. His eyes are red and blood shot. He doesn’t look like he’s slept at all. There are no words that can describe the pain I see looking back at me through his eyes. I’ve never seen Nick look so…distraught. There is also so much anger reflecting back at me. It’s not a good look on him, and I’m worried. Shit. How do you get over finding out your dad raped your girlfriend?
“You didn’t sleep, did you?” I ask him. He inhales a large breath and slowly forces the air back out of his mouth.
“No, but I’m glad you did,” he tells me. His voice is laced with sadness. He doesn’t sound like my Nick and I don’t like it. He feels a bit distant, even though there is no space between us. I won’t let him pull away from me. I won’t lose him again. I can’t.
“Nick,” I start, and then pause trying to gather my thoughts. “You told me last night, before I spilled my guts, that we would put it behind us. Putting it behind us, means we move past this…together.” He closes his eyes briefly. When he opens them again, he doesn’t respond to my statement. He changes the subject instead.
“You’re probably hungry. Get dressed. I’ll cook you breakfast.” My stomach growls at the mention of food, so I don’t protest. I haven’t eaten since leaving Katelyn and Stacy’s apartment two nights ago. He rolls onto his back, and then pulls himself out of the bed, walking out of the room without saying another word.
His silence is not good. Far from it. I need to know what he’s thinking. I force myself up and out of my bed. My body is aching all over, but I make myself walk to the bathroom. After I pee, I quickly brush my teeth and then comb through my matted hair. Looking in the mirror, I look like hell. I look about the same way I feel. Don’t get me wrong, I still feel relieved after everything I told Nick last night, but that doesn't make the pain or the memory go away. It’s still there and I know I’m going to have to deal with it. I’m going to have to learn to find a way to get past it and not ignore it. I’ve ignored it long enough, and I feel it was all wasted time. Time I could have used to heal.
Walking into the closet, I strip out of my worn clothes and put on my favorite Papa Roach t-shirt and some sweatpants. I remain barefoot and head to the kitchen to find Nick. I don’t want to spend any more time without him. I’ve already spent enough time apart to last a lifetime.
The moment I reach the entrance to the kitchen, the smell of eggs hits me; my mouth fills with saliva. Nick turns as I grab my mouth, turning on my heel, and run to the hall bathroom. Just as I reach the toilet, Nick is at the door. He is at my side in no time, pulling my hair back just as I throw up all the contents of my stomach. How I have anything in there is beyond me.
“Are you done?” he asks and I nod. He pulls me off the floor and walks me the two steps to the sink. I lean down, splashing water onto my face and rinsing out my mouth. After I turn the faucet off, he hands me a towel. The reality of my pregnancy comes back. Shit. He doesn’t know yet. “Are you sick?” he asks as I hand the towel back to him. He tosses it on the counter.
“No, I’m not sick, but there is something else I need to tell you.”
His eyes flash with what I think is panic. I’ve already told him enough shit to last a lifetime. “Okay,” he says cautiously.
“I’m,” I pause, looking for the right words. Coming out and just saying it seems…I don’t know…real, but then this is real. I’m pregnant and we are having a baby. I don’t think either one of us are ready for this.
Before I can continue, I hear a pounding coming from the front. The noise is loud and sounds like a fist beating on my door. Panic washes over me and I leap into Nick’s arms. What if his dad is back? Surely, he won’t come here if he knows Nick is here.
“It’s not him. Relax.” He assures me as he cups my face in his palms. How can he be so sure? He places a chaste kiss on my lips before dropping his hands and grasping my left hand into his right one. He’s just kissed the mouth that puke just came out of. That’s gotta be gross.
“Are you expecting someone?” I ask as he pulls my reluctant body from the bathroom and down the hall leading to the front of the house.
“No,” he simply says. The banging continues until Nick yanks the door open. I cower behind him, but he doesn’t release my hand. “What the fuck, Nikki?” he says, pulling me into arms and tightly wrapping them around me. Relief fills me at the site of Nick’s sister.