“Oh God!” I hear Nikki’s voice. “He was here, wasn’t he?” she asks and I know it’s directed at me. I remain silent and still as I keep my face buried. I hear something being placed on the table nearest the couch. I realize then my throat is parched. Water would be nice right now.
Nick’s holding me tightly; this is what I need. Please don’t take this from me, I silently pray. “Who was here? Who the fuck are you talking about, Nikki?” Nick asks his sister. She ignores him.
“I know what he did to you. My mom told me. I’m so sorry, Shannon. This is all…my fault. Oh God, did my dad…” She trails off, not being able to finish her sentence. I shake my head from side-to-side indicating no. She knows. Nikki knows what he did. Someone else knows he raped me. My mind is reeling in all directions. The water I need is forgotten.
Nick’s body tenses up. He grabs my head with both hands, pulling me away from him. His eyes grow wider and they are wild. “My father did this? He hurt you?” he asks. I nod as more tears slide town my cheeks.
“I’m going to fucking murder him.” His eyes are on fire and I know he’s serious. I can’t let him do that. His mom was right. No matter how much I want his father dead, I can’t let Nick ruin his life, our life, our child’s life. The sick bastard isn’t worth that.
“No, Nick. You can’t. I won’t let you do that,” I say to him in a pleading tone.
“The fuck I can’t,” he barks back to me.
“Shannon,” Nikki starts and I look at her. “You have to tell him. Forget what my mom said and tell Nick the truth. Please…or I will,” she begs, gesturing at Nick with a nod of her head in his direction. I turn my face to the left looking away from her and Nick.
“What’s my sister talking about?” he asks me as he’s guiding my face back to face him. I just stare at him, not saying anything. I can’t do it. I can’t tell him. He’s going to leave again and I can’t say the fucking words. Just like last week, I’m silent.
“Get out,” he says, but it’s not aimed at me, even though he isn’t taking his eyes off mine.
“Excuse me?” Nikki says.
“You and Jase need to leave, now. This is between Shannon and me.” Nick pauses for a brief second. “Nikki, I’m not asking, so just go.” Nick still doesn’t break eye contact with me. I notice Nikki hesitating from my peripherals. She sighs, and then exits my house.
“Don’t do anything stupid, man,” Jase says as he goes to follows Nikki out the door.
“Jase?” Nick says, and it seems like a question, causing me to look at Jase standing in the entryway.
“I’ll take care of it,” he says, and then the door closes and we are alone. Even the dogs are nowhere in sight. He continues staring at me for several minutes. His mind is working, but I have no idea what he’s thinking.
He places his hands gently on each side of my face and pulls me closer to him. He pulls me forward until his lips are touching mine, causing my body to relax into the kiss. After a few seconds, I collapse onto his chest, breaking our tender kiss.
“God, I’ve missed that. I’ve missed you. I’ve been in fucking hell for over a week,” he tells me as he wraps his right arm around my back and puts his left hand on my face, holding me to his chest. He takes a deep breath, expanding his chest beneath me, and then slowly exhales.
“I’m a fucking idiot, aren’t I?” he asks as he leans his head on the back of the couch and releases me to run his hands through his hair.
I push off his chest and stare at him. I don’t know how I’m going to tell him, but I know I have to. I just don’t know where to begin. The rape, the baby, the attempted rape again, or Teresa. This is all so fucked up. There is too much shit we need to talk about.
“I’m sorry for everything I said last week. I didn’t mean any of it. I was…just so fucking mad. He walked in my office and had this smug look on his face. I knew I wasn’t going to like whatever he was there to say. I didn’t believe him at first. I swear I didn’t. But he left, and…and the way Teresa made it sound…it sounded so fucking believable.” So I have her to add to my shit list. Bitch.
“Baby, I’m sorry. I am. I shouldn’t have assumed, but you wouldn’t say anything. Why the fuck didn’t you say anything?” I guess it’s now or never.
“Nick…I didn’t know how. I still don’t. He…” I stop myself. This is too hard.
“Did he hurt you?” he asks. His voice is low. He pulls his head off the couch and drops his hands to my thighs. I momentarily tense up. I’m not hurting between my legs, but the memory of that monster pushing inside me is still fresh. Nick catches the change in my body and I nod. He fists the hem of his shirt that I’m wearing.