“Nick, what’s wrong?” I ask as I make my way to him. I have an overwhelming need to feel his touch, to have his arms wrapped around me.
“Don’t touch me right now,” he says, forcing the words out as he puts his right hand out in front of him to halt me from getting any closer.
“No,” I say pushing his arm away and closing the distance between us. I grab his arms loosely and look up at him. “What’s wrong?”
“I said, don’t fucking touch me!” he yells as he jerks out of my hold and takes a step back. His eyes are wide and his breathing is ragged. He’s really angry, but why?
“What the hell, Nick! Why are you mad?” I ask him, taking a deep breath. I’m not going to let myself jump to any conclusions. His dad couldn’t possibly have said anything. Not when I can ultimately tarnish everything he is.
“Mad? You think this is mad? This is far beyond mad, Shannon. I want to rip your fucking heart out right now!” he screams at me. I gasp in shock and take a few steps back, hitting the wall behind me. Why would he say that? In the back of my mind, I know only one possible answer.
His father.
“What do you think I did exactly?” I ask him as I realize he’s already made up his mind. Whatever lie his dad told him, he believes. It’s been three day since James paid me a visit and I’ve ignored the threats he’s texted me over the weekend. I’ve deleted them as soon as I realized who they were from. I haven’t ended things with Nick, so something tells me he’s taken matters into his hands. I’d be lying right now if I said I wasn’t scared. Not of Nick, but of what is about to come out of his mouth.
“My father came to my office about an hour ago. What do you think he told me?” He isn’t yelling, but his voice is still loud. It’s almost…cold, like…like his father’s.
“I don’t know,” I say. My voice is low and I look down closing my eyes. This is bad. I can’t believe this. This can’t be happening this way. Nick’s fathers a lying bastard and he believes him.
“That’s how you’re going to play this? You don’t know?” No, I don’t know. I look back up at him as anger sets in. Anger at Nick’s father and anger at Nick for believing him, for not giving me the benefits of doubt.
“No, Nick. I don’t know what he told you. Why don’t you just say it? Why don’t you tell me what you believe?” I clench my fists together, hanging them at my sides.
“What I believe? I want you to tell me it isn’t true. I want you to tell me you didn’t fuck my father. Can you do that?” Yes, I could tell him that because I didn’t willingly have sex with his dad. He raped me, but I remain silent. I can’t get the words from my brain to mouth. “No, you can’t can you?” Tears start to pool into my eyes.
“Don’t start with the fucking water works. There isn’t anything you can do that will take it back. There is nothing that is going to change the fact that you had an affair with my father.”
“No!” I yell, but there are no other words that follow.
“Like hell you didn’t. What do you call fucking a married man?” I look down, remaining silent as more tears roll down my face. “No response,” he snickers. He actually snickers at me. “Were you playing me this whole time? Were you only with me so you could blackmail my father again?” What? I snap my head up. What the hell did he tell him? “Don’t look at me like that. I saw the paid invoices where my father paid your college tuition.” I had nothing to do with that. I never wanted it. He did that to make sure I stayed silent. Tell him, Shannon. Tell him the truth, but I can’t. Instead, I lower my head as more tears fall.
“Your silence is all I need. It speaks volumes right now. We! Are! Done!” He punctuates every word and turns to leave. I grab his arm pulling back.
“No!” I scream. His eyes are cold and harsh.
“You don’t honestly think I’d ever touch you again, do you? After knowing you have been with him? The sight of you makes me sick right now.” He pulls his arm out of my grip and walks out the door, slamming it shut.
He’s gone.
He left me and I still can’t say the words I’ve wanted to speak for so long. How can I want to tell someone…anyone… so badly, yet not be able to? I slide my body down the wall to the floor, cradling my head in my hands. I cry like I’ve never cried before. They are loud ugly cries.
EIGHTEEN
My life couldn’t get any damn worse. I’ve lost the man I love because I’m a fucking coward and couldn’t tell him the real truth. God only knows what he thinks of me right now. I wanted to tell him, really I did, but I couldn’t get the words out of my mouth. ‘Silence speaks volumes’ he told me, and I’m sure mine confirms any lie his father told him.