“Sleep, Maggie. I’ll be right here.”
His hand snaked under my blanket and found mine. He curled his fingers around mine and tugged it, hugged it to his chest, pressing it to his heart so I could feel the two heartbeats. Mine and his, always right there together. We both fell asleep in blissful peace.
I woke up some time later in the dark quiet cabin. I had no idea what time it was but I needed to think when Caleb wasn’t in my mind so I lay there, looking at him facing me on his side in his seat. His hair had fallen over on his forehead and around his ears. I brushed it back and then ran my thumb over his dimple and heard his little noise of contentment.
It was still so surreal. He was mine. It seemed impossible that the past nine days had been real. Only nine days since I’d met Caleb. It was crazy.
I thought about the things he had told me about earlier; the mutuality. I had no idea if I was ready for that. I knew I was if I was honest but it was a step for me, a step I’d never taken before, never gotten close to before and even though it wasn’t real sex, it still sounded intimate enough that it may as well be.
It wasn’t that I was afraid it would change things between us, though it would in a good way, or that I wasn’t ready to commit or whatever. I was just scared in general. Scared I wasn’t good at whatever it was he wanted me to do. My mind and my insides wouldn’t be as good and sweet like he thought I was. I thought bad things all the time. I was no saint, like he apparently was. Tutoring service. Ugh! How could I compete with that?
What if once we got into our minds and true feelings that couldn’t be hidden away and he saw the raw me, real and open…he no longer liked it? He was just stuck with me? Everything else about this imprint is different from what I’ve heard. What happens if he wants out or is unhappy with the results?
Even if that never happened, what if he never gets his ability? He’d resent it, resent me, eventually. I took what was rightfully his and it wasn’t fair. I’d fork over my ability to him in a heartbeat if I could. It bothered him, it had to. But, wait! He was asleep. I can go in his mind, he wasn’t in mine right now. He said we could poke and prod whenever we wanted and he’d been in mine and I never felt the hazy feeling I had before when he did it.
I pushed a little and slipped into the mind that I couldn’t believe I had doubted. I swore to him I wouldn’t doubt again and I’d just spent the last ten minutes doing it. His mind was gorgeous. And he loved me, adored me. His mind was lined with my face and a protective barrier so thick. He was worried about my safety above all else, just like he said. My happiness and contentment was right above that.
I pushed further to see our memories lined up and on loop; our greatest hits. I loved how a lot of them were from that short few minutes before the imprint and it made me warm all over. The one that played the most was the first time he saw me. So not even paying attention and absorbed in my own stuff and him completely and utterly taken by me.
I could feel his heart pounding like it had that day. His want to get to know me and his wish that things could be different just like he’d showed me that day at Mugly’s.
I pushed further. I saw his desire to please his family but also to do his own thing. He did not want to be an architect, which I already knew, but I didn’t know that he had absolutely no intentions of even trying to do anything different. Family was so important and after me, they came next. He was selfless and would be happy if we were. That thought didn’t sit well with me. I filed that away to work on another day. I wanted him to be happy, too, really happy, and I’d find a way to make that happen.
The further into his mind I got, the warmer and more out of body I felt. He was all around me, all in me. I could smell him and feel him everywhere and finally understood what Caleb had meant by consuming each other. It was like he was made to be everywhere and everything to me and in me. I got the sensation of euphoria, being drugged, that feeling you feel right at the end of a roller coaster.
It took my breath away how good it felt to be consumed with him. But...there was a little part that held back, that I wasn’t allowed to experience. I immediately knew that that part wouldn’t be unlocked unless we were together, consuming each other.
When I got to the inner most parts everything was all jumbled, floating around like pieces of a hazy puzzle. His favorite pizza topping was sausage. He loved seeing brand new bands at concerts. His all time favorite movie was The Matrix. He hated to be in the mosh pit. He was upset about not getting his ability but was genuinely happy for me and loved that his family loved me so well. He loved school cafeteria pudding. Was scared of what he’d do if he ever met the guy who hurt his sister. He couldn’t stand it when people smacked while they ate. He thought it was so hot when I looked over my shoulder at him with a smile. He loved the beach. His favorite thing to do was take walks at night, wherever he was, because the city and country and beach or whatever looked so different at night.
It was all jumbled and a mess and came at me in no rhyme or fashion. I couldn’t pick or choose and couldn’t even stop it from coming at me in droves. It felt too hot and unorganized and started to be uncomfortable so I pulled out all the way and felt the chill of the plane air on my face. It felt odd to be me again. I looked at his face and he was still sound asleep. I smiled, strange knowing so many things about him I would have never thought to ask in so little time.
I wanted to know everything. I could see why Caleb seemed to enjoy it. I did, too, and couldn’t wait for him to show me how to do it for real and look for specific things.
Being in his mind gave me a taste for it. I wanted all of him. It was like a need, not just a want anymore, to do anything and everything for him and to him. His happiness was paramount and I wanted his happiness to be mine.My smile grew wider as I had a thought. I pushed it aside, tucking it in the back so he wouldn’t see it. Sex was still way out there, but whenever the time was right, soon, I’d try the other. Mutuality.
I still felt tense and apprehensive, I had no idea what it was really or what it entailed or what it would feel like but this was Caleb. I had to stop thinking of him as just a boy. He was mine, for life, my soul mate, my significant. There was nothing to fear with him. He was always careful and loving with me and he would be with this, too.
I pressed my hand a little harder into his chest and felt my heart beat speed up under my fingers as I thought about what mutuality would be like. I giggled silently and took a deep breath to calm my fast heart rate so I didn’t alert Caleb and wake him.
Suddenly, I couldn’t wait to get to this beach house.
Chapter Thirty Two
“Wake up. Maggie, wake up. We’re in Cali, baby,” Caleb teased and did a surfer dude hand signal making me giggle as I stretched and rose from my seat back. “No dreams, right?”
“Nope. All good.”
“I was a little worried last night. I figured as long as we were touching it didn’t matter but...”
“I slept great,” I announced and it was true.
I’d finally fallen back asleep after poking around in his head and could now see the lights from the airport through the window. I peeked out and everything looked the same as it had in Tennessee. I couldn’t help, but be disappointed. This was California for crying out loud. My mom left us and came here. Movie stars and famous people lived here. Arnold Schwarzenegger! I expected something more than sleepy flight attendants and a dank airport runway with no glitz or glam.
“It gets better,” Caleb assured me and we listened to the Captain welcome us to the Eureka state.
We sat through all their instructions, then Caleb grabbed both our carry-on bags from the overhead and we were off. I followed behind him all the way through to the car rental pick-up desk. He had rented a black Jeep Wrangler for us to use while we were there.
He threw our stuff in the back and headed out. Once we were on the highway he asked me if I was hungry. I wasn’t, so he told me to shut my eyes and rest until we got to the house. He didn’t want me to know where we were exactly so as not to disclose info in a dream by accident to the Watsons, just in case. He said we’d go shopping in the morning for the things he knew I forgot or wouldn’t fit. A bathing suit was number one on the list.
I argued but it didn’t help. I’d have to get used to him buying stuff for me. The measly amount I had saved in my bank account from waiting tables wouldn’t have even paid for one of those plane tickets, I was sure. He smirked at my pout and gripped my hand in my lap, rubbing the back of my fingers with his thumb. It didn’t take long for me to soften when his touch sent warmth and tingles through me. When I laced our fingers he sighed in satisfaction and pulled my hand up to kiss it.
I closed my eyes and it didn’t seem like an hour had passed, but as he told me to look, we were pulling into the driveway of a very pretty white house that looked anything but a vacation place in the Jeep’s headlights. It was as big as my regular house. It had blue shutters and a wrap around porch. There were vines and flowers blooming everywhere and a sign made of driftwood that said ‘Jacobson’ by the front door.
“Wow.”
“Yeah,” he agreed and put the Jeep in park. “The fam comes up here at least twice a year. I love it here. Come on, it’s even better on the inside.”