“My bubble was not pretty, Caleb. You know that. And how dare you say you wished you’d never touched me!” I yelled and realized what I’d done. I lowered my voice and looked him straight in the eye. “Do you really wish that?”
“It would make things easier.”
“No, it wouldn’t. For you maybe—”
“For you! Your world’s been turned upside down, not mine. I was already stuck in the middle of all this and now I dragged you into it, too.”
“If I had a choice, I would go back and do everything the same.” I cut him off when I saw his protest. “And not because of saving you, because I want to...”
He read my mind. “Be with me? Really?” he spouted sarcastically. “I doubt that, Maggie. I’ve done nothing but cause you trouble from the moment I met you. You’d hate me if your body didn’t force you to want me,” he said bitterly.
“Just like yours does with me?” I countered.
“Exactly!”
What was he saying? Why was he all of a sudden so hell bent on putting it out there that we shouldn’t have bonded? He regretted meeting me. That’s what he was saying. For some reason, I felt like I had when Chad broke up with me; left behind, unwanted, not special, and naïve for feeling like I was different.It was painful to fight with him, if that’s even what this was, to feel his disappointment and hurt pound through my veins. It was physically painful. My heart squeezed, and not in a good way, as my blood was too hot. I leaned back against the tree to steady my legs. I heard myself whimper as my breaths pushed in and out painfully.
He pulled me close and framed my face with his big hands. I would’ve sighed at the contact, but I was too upset, though I could feel my body's want to accept his offering of calm.
It scared me because it was the very first time his touch didn’t soothe me instantly.
“Ah, baby.” He kissed me quickly. Keeping his face still touching mine he continued and I knew he’d been reading me from his tone. “I’m so sorry. I don’t want to hurt you, that’s not what I meant. I want you, I’ve never wanted anything more than you. You’re everything to me and I just need you to be happy. I’m going to do everything I can to see that you are. I just feel responsible for you and it kills me that this has been forced on you, but...I’m so sorry. I take back everything I said. I’m an idiot, ok? Please don’t think that I regret one second of waiting for you.”
He moved his thumbs to wipe my tears away and I finally felt some of the calm seep into me. He watched me, his blue eyes looked so close to swimming and his expression was sorry and he wondered if he should just shut up or try to apologize again. He couldn’t stand the thought that he had hurt me.
“I’m sorry. Baby, please say something,” he pleaded anxiously.
“I think I like it when you call me baby just as much as I like sweetheart.”
He gave a surprised laugh. “Maggie, you don’t have to do that. You can be mad at me. You can yell at me if it would make you feel better.”
“It wouldn’t. Besides, it hurts to fight with you.”
“It’s because we aren’t meant to. Like everything else it’ll get easier. You’ll be fighting with me like a pro in no time,” he said joking, but his expression was somber.
“I don’t want to fight. I don’t want to doubt. Look, even though I can read your feelings for me, sometimes I just feel so...unworthy.” He started to interrupt, but I pressed my fingers to his lips. “After everything that’s happened to me in the past year, it’s not easy to just know for certain that everything is as good as it seems. I’m sorry, too, ok? Will you please not doubt how I feel about you? I want this, I want you. I wouldn’t change anything. You said I was everything, but you’re everything to me. I promise not to doubt you again. Ok? Please, promise?”
He smiled against my fingers and pulled my hand down. “Promise. But you do know, right? How I feel about you is... You’re so funny and amazing and sweet and beautiful. I was half a person before you. You make me feel like everything in my life has been for a reason. I’m just happy that I—”
I stopped him with a kiss because I knew and didn’t need to hear it. I felt him chuckle as he pressed closer, pinning me against the tree, my hands on his chest in between us.
His lips took away everything. Every second of hurt or doubt in the past fifteen minutes was now a distant memory. I could hear his family around us again. It was strange that I’d completely forgotten where we were, and that we weren't alone, and now their voices seemed to float back to us.
I pulled back from Caleb a little and he pressed his forehead to mine to keep the contact. I could feel that he’d been hurting just as much as I had about our fight, about everything lately, and needed to touch me. So I let him.
“You’re so amazing,” he murmured. “I’m sorry. I can’t say I’m sorry enough.”
I nodded and we just stood, sharing breath and letting our touch soothe us as he kept murmuring things to me. I turned my head to look at his family. No one seemed overly worried about us, except Kyle who was glowering, but I almost expected that now from him. Then Caleb turned my face back to look at him.
“I have an idea. Why don’t you go to your friend’s house right now?”
“Uh, I don’t know. Are you trying to get rid of me?” I joked.
“Absolutely not, but that way you’ll see her now and then go home to sleep and I can be with you. This way, I won’t go crazy worrying about you.”
“Yeah, ok.”
“Are you ok now? Really?” he asked sincerely.
“Of course,” I insisted. “I think you could cure just about anything.”
He chuckled bashfully, which was so freaking cute.
“Are you sure you feel ok?” His hands coasted down my arms. “You still feel a little warm.”
“Yeah.” I did feel warm and my throat hurt slightly, but I felt good enough. “I’m fine.”
“Man, I wish we were ascended already, then I could heal you.” He sighed. “Ok, well, come on. Tell everyone goodbye and I’ll give you a ride over there.”
He held my hand tight even as I hugged his aunts and uncles, his parents. He wasn’t looking forward to being without me at all today and was now willingly taking me to my friends to leave me there. For me, so I could see her. It was not something he wanted to do at all. He was worried about Marcus still, they’d try even harder to get to me.
Kyle hugged me and told me about four times how happy he was that I was ok and if I needed anything to call him. That he wished I’d stay there and not go home, that it wasn’t safe for me. Caleb seethed beside me and I peeked back and couldn’t help but want to giggle. In his mind he thought Kyle was trying to take his place. That Kyle had no right to worry over me and I agreed, but it was still slightly comical that they were silently fighting over me.
I never, ever in my life thought I’d be fought over before by anyone. And with Chad the other night too...I was just blown away. It wasn’t as appealing as everyone made it sound.
Caleb took me to the garage and after the helmet was on and I was behind him he started it up and asked me which way to go. I explained the directions and he drove slowly through town to her house.
When we pulled up, Rebecca was just getting out of her little black Dodge Neon. She put a hand over her eyes to shield the sun and looked at us curiously. When Caleb helped me off the bike and took off my helmet she squealed and ran to me. Her bag slung over her shoulder banged me in the back as she grabbed me in a hug like she hadn’t seen me in a year.“Magpie! You came!” She pulled back to look at me, her face open wide with a smile and then she saw Caleb and her grin turned saucy. “And you brought dessert.”
“Beck!” I chastised, but heard Caleb chuckle behind me.
“Since when do you ride a motorcycle?” she asked me.
I told her the same thing as Chad.
“Since Caleb drives one.”
“Oooh. Good answer. Hi, Caleb,” she said all sultry and I almost wanted to smack her.
“Hey,” he answered as I pulled myself from her grasp to step back.
I grabbed his hand to try to fill myself with his touch before he left. He squeezed my hand and smiled at me knowingly.
“So, you came to stay with me? Where’s your stuff?” she asked.
“I’m not staying the night. I figured we could just hang out for a while.”
“Ok. I’ll go call for pizza. Caleb, are you staying?”
“Nope. I’m gonna head out, but thanks,” he answered and as soon as she was inside he smiled crookedly. His hand wrapped around the back of my neck.
He pulled my face to his and kissed me deeply and slowly. It was possibly the sexiest kiss I’d ever had. The few kisses we had already were desperate and needy. This was full of love and sweetness. He pulled me closer with his hand on my hip and continued to let his lips take me over.
He began to playfully nip and peck my lips. I laughed into our kiss before he eventually broke it gently.
“Are you trying to persuade me not to go?” I asked panting.
“Is it working?” he whispered against my lips.
I smiled. “So, I’ll get Beck to drive me home later. You’ll come, right?”