Then we got to the Marcus part, he growled and huffed all the way through it. When I landed forcefully in my bed at the end of the dream, I pulled back and looked at him expectantly. But he surprised me by not talking about the dream right away.
“Maggie, I’m so proud of you for being able to do that. Everyone told me to warn you, to make sure that you understood how hard it was going to be and what a struggle it was for humans but you have blown all those theories out of the water. You are so amazing.”
I blossomed under his praise. I tried to hide my smile but failed. He smiled too and cupped my cheek, bringing his face to mine, our noses touching, our lips so, so close.
But no kiss.
We sat like that, sharing air and listening to each other’s thoughts as we allowed them to be open and tangible for the other about the dream, about each other, about everything. I could feel what he felt in his thoughts, like they were my own. It was amazing and breathtaking.
Too soon, he pulled back and sighed forcefully. “Can’t put it off any longer. Let’s go see my father.”
“Ok,” I said anxiously and practically jumped from the bed.
I wanted to know what had happened as much if not more than he did. I almost forgot Caleb was still here as I began to pull my shirt over my head. When the hem got to the edge of my bra I stopped, realizing what I was doing. I peeked at him and he was staring at me with a sort of gaze I’d never seen directed my way before, which is sad since I had a boyfriend for three years.
You see, I’m a virgin. Yes, Chad and I dated for three years and yes I loved him, in some way, but now all that has been questioned. I never longed to see him without a shirt, I never sat in bed at night thinking about kissing him, I never got butterflies or goose bumps, ever in my recollection of being with Chad. Our being together was like an arrangement or agreement from day one of high school and it was just implied from then on. We kissed some, we wrestled, we played just like any other couple, went on dates, snuggled watching movies. But it was more for comfort I think.
He felt more like a really good friend and someone who I was comfortable being with more than someone I was in love with. He was someone who’d known me forever. I didn’t have to let him see anything in me he didn’t already know. He was safe.
Just like my father had said, he was right. There was no way I would have ever gone too far with Chad because he was always one foot out the door and I was too complacent with being stuck on first base. And neither of us had any intentions of changing that, before he decided to end it.
How had I not seen this?
I loved Chad but I wasn’t in love with him. I missed him because I could talk to him about anything because he’d hug me and tell me it’d all be all right whether it really was or not. I had wanted him because he was my home base, my safe zone, my constant. And now, I could never go back to something like that. Not after having passion for someone, after seeing what it’s like to want and feel something in your bones, after blushing at the way someone looks at you, like I was blushing under Caleb’s hot gaze, right then.
I pulled my shirt down swiftly but his eyes stayed fixed on my stomach, then jerked to mine.
“Sorry,” he said gruffly and shook himself.
I wanted to giggle at him but I was still too shaken myself. I’d never had someone so fixated on me before. It was fascinating and exhilarating and terrifying, in that order.
“It’s ok. Sorry. I almost forgot you were here.”
“I’ll wait downstairs while you get dressed. And try to avoid your dad and his wrath,” he joked before rubbing his chin as he left, shutting the door.
I sat on my bed in a daze. Caleb had been in my room. I wonder what he thought of it.
I felt like I was crammed so tight. So much had happened in the past couple days, more then than ever, to change my life. I took a breath and went to my closet to pick something out, preferably something with sleeves to help cover the handprint. I was glad Dad hadn’t seen it. He would never have believed me that Caleb hadn’t put it there.
I dragged on a pair of jeans and a coral tank with a white cropped cardigan. Then I slipped on my flops and went to the bathroom to do the rest.
When I creaked down the stairs a few minutes later, I heard Caleb and Dad talking in the kitchen. So I stopped on the stairs and listened.
“Yes, sir. I understand all that but I’m not some frat guy trying to take advantage of your daughter. Yes, I’m in college and I live in another city but we’ll make it work.”
“How long have you even known my daughter?”
A hesitation. “A few days.”
“So how can you possibly feel-”
“She saved my life.”
“What?”
“She didn’t tell you? I would have been hit by a truck but she pulled me out of the way.”
I heard Dad grunt and pause. “So, that’s what this is? You feel indebted to her?”
“No, sir. I feel very grateful to her for what she did but that’s how we met, that’s not why I want to be with her.”
“Then why, son?”
“Forgive me if I’m being too bold, sir, but don’t you know your own daughter? Don’t you know how amazing she is? It can’t be that hard to see why I’d be interested.”
“I know she’s cute-”
“I’m not talking about her looks.”
“Look, she’s only ever been involved with one guy and it was for...what, three years at least. But it wasn’t serious. She’s inexperienced about everything. She’s too young to be so intense about you, and I see it. She’s gonna get all crazy about you and then you’ll be gone and who knows what silly notion she’ll get then. Follow you to college or whatever but I won’t have it. I don’t care that she graduated, that doesn’t mean-”
I’d had enough of this conversation so I bounded down and interrupted them.“Hey. Ready?”
“Yeah. Good talking to you, Sir, but I promise you have nothing to worry about with me.”
“I hope so, Caleb.”
“Bye, Dad,” I shouted as I pulled Caleb from the kitchen.
“Helmet!” he yelled back as we shut the door.
“I’m sorry about him. He’s a psycho or something.”
Caleb laughed as he buckled our helmets and I noticed he was wearing a Hawksley Workman t-shirt. I loved them.
“He’s just worried about you. It’s better than him not worrying about you, right?”
“Debatable. Where are we going?”
“To my house. My dad had to work today so we’ll catch him at the home office.”
I was thrilled to be going to Caleb’s house. He put the jacket on me again and I climbed on behind him as he cranked the bike. I grabbed on tight and held on as he pulled away from my house. I saw Dad peeking out the kitchen curtain and wondered why Caleb was going so slow. Then, when we hit the end of the street, I realized why. My dad had been watching.
“All right, all clear,” he said. “Hang on.”
He revved it up and sped away as soon as the light turned green. I squealed, but this time it was excitement, not fright. He laughed as I squeezed him around the middle.
“I’m glad you like it. I was worried you’d hate it and I’d be forced to drive something else when I’m with you,” he said through the headset in the helmet.
“No, I love it. What do you do when it rains?”
“Well, I have a truck, too. I just prefer to drive this.”
“Oh.” I wondered how he could afford two automobiles when he was only nineteen. “So, I heard you and my dad talking in the kitchen.”
“Mmhmm. About Chad?” he said. “Yeah, Kyle actually told me some about him, too,” he said in a flat tone.
“He did?”
“Yeah. I asked him about you, he said you and this guy had gone out for a long time and that it was pretty intense.”
“It wasn’t really. I mean, I thought it was at the time, but...he was just the only guy I’d ever known, ever been out with, you know?”
“So, what happened?”
“Kyle didn’t tell you?”
“He did, but Kyle’s a little begrudging on the details.”
“Well, Chad has wanted to go to Florida to play football since... forever.”
“The Gators,” he said incredulously.
“I know, right? Anyway his dad went there and it’s what he’s always wanted. So I always knew he was leaving as soon as he graduated. He decided the beginning of senior year to end it then, that it would be easier that way on both of us.”
“Ok,” he said dragging out the letters. “So he dumped you senior year after three years of dating because he didn’t want to hurt you?”
“Yep. And he did it just days after my mom left so...but he didn’t know that she left, it just really sucked for me.”
“Hmm. That’s some logic he’s got there.”
“Yeah.”
“So if he hadn’t done that you’d still be with him.”
It wasn’t lost on me that he didn’t phrase it as a question. So I answered truthfully.
“Yeah, more than likely. He was the only thing I knew. We’ve known each other since we were babies. He was my friend.”
He nodded. “I’d hate to think what would have happened if we’d imprinted while you were still dating him.”
“We wouldn’t have imprinted,” I mused. “I would have been with him instead of waiting for Kyle. Which means, you wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t have pulled you back.”