“I don’t know if he was trumpeting–”
“Of course he was. He can’t wait for me to screw up.”
The bitterness in Dion’s expression made her heart ache. “Dion, that’s not true. Why would he agree to you running the restaurant if he thought that?”
“I don’t know. Maybe my mother pestered him until he gave in. But the truth is, he doesn’t trust me, and now he’s infecting your father with his lack of faith.”
“No, my father believes in you. He does.”
“But he still thinks I’m easily distracted by a pretty face.”
“I feel terrible, Dion. I shouldn’t have–”
His eyes burned into her. “You’re regretting last night just because I overslept? That’s a bit facile.”
She stiffened her back, lifted her chin. “No, I regret last night because I didn’t think enough about the consequences.”
“I liked it that you didn’t think too much about the consequences.” A very different kind of heat flared in his eyes. “I like it that you allowed yourself to get carried away by the heat of the moment. You were so wonderful, so uninhibited, so free. I’d never seen you like that before. You were happy, I know you were.”
She couldn’t deny it or hide from it. “Yes,” she gulped, “but these things don’t happen in a vacuum. Last night was incredible, but where does that lead us?”
A faint frown appeared on his brow. “I don’t understand. Why does it have to lead us anywhere?”
The knot deep in her abdomen snarled. She’d known all along Dion was only interested in a casual relationship, but hearing confirmation from his own lips made her insides shrivel.
“I’m going back to Sydney tomorrow,” she said, the effort of making herself sound composed bringing beads of perspiration to her nape. “I’m determined to get a job there, and once I do, I don’t suppose I’ll get back here more than once a month, tops. I don’t want you thinking we have some kind of ‘friends with benefits’ deal going on.”
Blank confusion flickered across his face. “Friends with benefits?”
She sighed impatiently. Surely he knew what that phrase meant? “I’m not going to sleep with you every time I come to Piper Bay.”
He stared at her, astonished. “You’re not?”
“No! I – I’m not like that. My life is in Sydney–”
“You keep saying that, as if I’ve been trying to convince you otherwise.” He frowned in frustration. “Have I ever tried to talk you into staying here? No, never. I know you’re going back to Sydney. You don’t have to keep rubbing it in. Your life is somewhere else. I got that ages ago. What I didn’t realise is that you don’t want to sleep with me again. Is that right?”
His biceps were straining against his jacket, while his face had turned a little grey. She swallowed, hating herself for hurting him. Her father had been right to criticise her. “It’s not just you and me, Dion. There are other people involved. Our parents are so connected. Whatever we do affects them too.”
He stuck his jaw out, his eyes flashing. “I don’t agree with you. This is between you and me, no-one else, but you’re too scared to admit it.” The end of his mouth curled in derision. “You always have to do the right thing. For once in your life why don’t you have the guts to rebel?”
“Get stuffed, Dion.”
“Huh, you can’t even say ‘fuck off’, can you? Can’t bring yourself to swear even when there’s no-one around.”
A flood of tears stung her throat. Even Nick’s infidelity hadn’t left her feeling so bereft, but she’d be damned if she cried in front of Dion. She tilted her chin higher. “You’re just as immature as always,” she retorted, forcing the words through her aching throat. “Just as well I’m leaving tomorrow. I need a long break from you.”
She swung to go, but he caught her elbow. “Wait.” When she looked back, the strain on his ashen face made her pause. Letting her go, he pressed his fingertips against the bridge of his nose for a few moments, obviously trying to regain his self-control. “I didn’t mean that last bit. That was immature.” He rubbed his face viciously, dragging his fingers over his head several times. “I don’t want us to part on angry terms. We have dinner with our parents tonight. Can we at least be friends just for one night?”
The tears threatened again, but she swallowed then back. “I’ll always be your friend, Dion.”
His eyes dulled, growing strangely red-rimmed. “Yeah?”
She nodded, too choked to speak.
He let out a small sigh, his shoulders drooping. “Okay.” He wiped his mouth then rested hands on hips, his eyes lowered. “Good.” He cleared his throat several times. “I’ll be honest with you. I’m disappointed we won’t be having sex any more, but I’m glad we can still be friends. That’s more important.”
“Uh-huh,” she managed to get out.
Yes, no matter what arguments they had, they would always be friends, but even as she acknowledged that, emptiness yawned inside her, and she realised she wanted more from Dion. More than friendship, more than casual sex, more than he was ready or capable of giving to her. She wanted love, commitment, a lifetime of shared laughter and tears. She wanted everything of him and then some. She wanted more than she had a right to ask of him.
After Toni had gone, Dion remained in the private dining room. He pulled out a chair and sank onto it, bending forward to wrap his arms around his chest, forcing himself to breathe in and out slowly. This wasn’t what he’d expected when Toni had walked into the kitchen. Why was she so determined to push him away? Did she think he would hurt her the way Nick had done? He hadn’t handled the situation very well. Jeez, he’d never found himself in such a situation before.
From the kitchen below a dropped pot clanged on the floor. He needed to get back there. He didn’t have time to mope around and nurse his rejection. Wiping his face, he made himself stand. He flexed his shoulders, ignoring the ache in his ribs, and marched downstairs.
Gary glanced up at him as he re-entered the kitchen. Dion grabbed the box of cucumbers he’d fetched earlier and dumped it on Gary’s bench.
“You need to get these done too,” he said, dead-pan.
Gary continued to study him, his knife moving automatically through the vegetables on his cutting board. “You okay?”
Dion scowled at him and turned away to the opposite bench where he began to clean a tray of squid. For a while there was silence between them. Gary started to whistle.
“Mind cutting that out?” he snapped, yanking at a squid beak.
Gary stopped whistling. “Sorry.”
The silence grew heavier. Dion sighed. “No, I’m sorry. I just … got a lot on my mind at the moment.”
Gary made a sympathetic noise. “Women, huh?”
“So you noticed.”
“Couldn’t help noticing. When Toni walked in the door your face lit up like a candle. I’m surprised you didn’t sprout a puppy tail to wag at her.”
Dion grimaced. If anything he felt as if his puppy tail had been chopped off. “Got my hopes up for nothing. She only came by to tell me there’s no future for us. She’s going back to Sydney tomorrow.” He gripped the skin of the squid, ripped it off, his fingers clenching. “Probably won’t see her for months.” A black weight settled in the pit of his gut.
Gary had turned round and was watching him closely. “Shit, I’ve never seen you like this before. You must really care about her.”
“Of course I bloody care about her.” Tossing the squid skin away, he glared at his friend. “She’s the only one I’ve ever cared about.”
“Oh.” Gary appeared nonplussed. Dion didn’t blame him – his attitude towards women had always been casual, and he’d never spoken about Toni, until now. For years he’d bottled up his true feelings, but now there didn’t seem much point.
“I realised how I felt about her years ago,” he said, laying down his knife to face Gary. “But she was already involved with Nick, and then she married the bastard, and I thought well, that’s it, suck it up and move on. But now she’s free again, and I thought – really thought – I had a chance with her. But it seems not. She’s determined we’re just going to remain friends.” He pressed the heels of his hands to his temples as a dull headache began to pound.
“Wow, and you’re just going to take that lying down?”
Dion dropped his hands. “Huh?”
“Mate, the trouble with you is that you’ve had it too easy as far as women are concerned. You’ve never had to fight for one.”
“Yeah, I’m sure she’d appreciate it if I heaved her over my shoulder and carried her into my bedroom like a caveman. That’d go down like a ton of bricks.”
“You know her better than anyone. You must know some way to get your message across. Just don’t give up. Keep on fighting for her, if you think she’s worth it.”
Gary was right. Just because Toni had pulled away from him didn’t mean the end. He’d loved her for too long to give up now.