Short Soup(10)

It was none of his business. If Gary’s attentions were bothering Toni, she knew how to make her feelings clear, but she seemed to be enjoying his company. Dion’s gut snarled with jealousy.

He passed the drinks around. Melissa began talking but he wasn’t paying her any attention; couldn’t pay attention to anything except the sight of Gary and Toni’s heads hovering together. After a few minutes Melissa gave up on him and turned to Ronan.

It seemed Gary was going to monopolise Toni all night. Each time Dion heard her laugh, his abdomen squeezed and his knee jerked up and down. Eventually he couldn’t take it any more. Muttering an excuse, he rose to his feet and wandered towards the main bar without any real purpose except to get away from Gary and Toni.

Someone from behind tapped him on the shoulder. “Hey, Big D. Long time no see.”

Turning, he found a thin, scruffy guy with sunken eyes standing right next to him. “Zed. Hi,” Dion greeted him without much enthusiasm. “Didn’t know you were back in Piper Bay.”

Zed shrugged. “Sydney didn’t exactly work out.”

The guy was scrawnier than ever, and his face had the poxy, washed out complexion of a zombie. Dion had a fair idea what the cause of that was. Zed belonged to an episode in his past he’d rather forget. He took a step back, preparing to end the brief conversation, but Zed foiled him by inching forward.

“Hey, you looking to score some dope?” Zed muttered out the side of his crusted lips.

Dion stiffened. “Shit, no.”

“Dude, only asking.” Zed lifted weedy shoulders weighed down by a smelly leather jacket. “You used to ring me up all the time.”

“That was ages ago.” Dion could feel himself quivering with anger. Jutting out his jaw, he glared at Zed. “I don’t do that stuff any more, got it?”

The guy held up his hands. “I get it, you’re clean. Good for you, man. What about those friends of yours? They still around here?”

“I wouldn’t know,” Dion retorted. “I don’t hang out with them any more. Excuse me, I have to go somewhere.” Anywhere, as long as it was away from Zed.

He shouldered his way past the guy and strode out to the beer garden. The cooler air wafted across the back of his damp neck. Expelling a long breath, he rubbed his fingers through his hair, trying to regain his self-control. He didn’t know why bumping into Zed had rattled him so much. Maybe it was the timing. Tonight he’d scored a significant triumph with the restaurant, but seeing his old dope dealer had brought back memories he’d rather forget.

The beer garden was half-empty, the dim corner he stood in deserted, so he easily heard the footsteps behind him. A faint scent of perfume alerted him who it was even before he turned. Toni walked up to him uncertainly, her dark eyes fixed on him.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

No, he wasn’t okay. He couldn’t put a finger on why he felt so frustrated, only knew his body was clenched and his throat tight, almost as if he was preparing for a fight.

“Who was that guy you were talking to?” Toni continued.

So she hadn’t been completely immersed in Gary’s company. Good, except he wished she hadn’t seen him with Zed. He shrugged. “Just some guy I used to know.”

“Ronan says he’s a dope dealer.”

His head jerked up. “Oh, so now you think I’m smoking dope.”

“I didn’t say that.” A faint crease appeared between her eyes. “Don’t be so defensive.”

“I haven’t bought any, if that’s what you’re worried about.” At his terse reply she pressed her lips together but didn’t respond. He knew what she was thinking, though. At high school there’d been the usual amount of drug-taking amongst their peers, but they’d never been tempted. Until one day he’d brought back a tiny amount of dope and convinced her they ought to try it at least once. Just a few puffs had made his head spin and Toni had been violently sick. After that they’d steered clear of any form of drug. She’d assumed he’d stay clean like her, but now she knew he hadn’t.

“But you used to,” she said, her voice soft, without accusation, but still it stung him.

Unable to witness her disappointment in him, he sank onto a bench beneath the trees. “A while back,” he said. “After high school when I was bumming around with no real plans. I fell in with some people in the same boat as me. They were heavy dope users, and the stuff was always lying around. They never pressured me, but I started sharing the odd cone with them at parties, and pretty soon I was smoking one almost every day.”

“Oh, Dion.” She plunked herself down next to him. “I heard a rumour you’d been hanging out with a bad crowd.”

He flexed his fists. “Becky, I suppose.”

“I only found out today.” Her eyes started to shimmer. “I never knew.”

“Why would you? You were in Sydney, studying and …” Falling in love, forging a new life, growing away from him in every way. “I had a job as a kitchen hand over at the bowling club. I was sharing a house with these guys and the whole dope thing just became part of the scenery.”

“So you did it just because everyone else around you was doing it?” Her voice shook. “Really, Dion?”

No, he wanted to yell. He didn’t do it to be accepted. There were other reasons, reasons he’d kept buried, reasons he’d barely acknowledged to himself. But now there was no hiding from them, not when the chief of them was sitting next to him, her baffled dismay skewering him. Without Toni he had drifted into murky waters. She was his anchor, his lode star. No way in hell could he tell her, though. He’d been dumb, but he’d be a complete moron to confess this.

He lifted his shoulders, hating how weak he sounded as he replied, “It was just a phase.”

“And your parents? They never knew what you were doing?”

“Dad found out. Dropped in one day and caught me in the act.” His dad had walked in without knocking to find Dion sprawled out on the couch, glassy-eyed and vacant, the squalid living room reeking of cannabis, his paraphernalia scattered on the coffee table in plain sight.

Toni’s hand flew to her mouth. “God! What happened? He must have been furious.”

“Furious doesn’t come close. We had a raging argument. I’ve never seen him come so close to striking me. He told me I was a waste of space and stormed out vowing never to talk to me again unless I cleaned up my act.”

She shook her head. “And your mother?”

“He’s never told her.”

“Oh. So what did you do after the argument?”

“I knew he was right. A week later I apologised to him and said I was going to change. I moved out of the share house, stopped seeing that crowd, even dropped surfing so I wouldn’t run into them. I started work at the Happy Palace, and never smoked dope again.”

“Just like that? Must have been quite an epiphany.”

Not quite as miraculous as that. He’d omitted a few pertinent details. Like the fact that a few days after the meltdown with his dad he’d raced down to Sydney to see Toni, his heart and head in turmoil. He’d wanted to tell her so many things, had wanted to spill out so many confused emotions. He’d missed her, missed having her in his life, and he’d been confident she felt the same about him. Vague plans had boiled in his mind. He’d move to Sydney and while she studied he’d find a job somewhere as a kitchen hand or apprentice cook. Didn’t matter what kind of job, as long as he could be with her.

When he’d spied her making out with Nick, all those wild plans had crashed and burned. He’d turned round and driven straight back to Piper Bay in shock. Toni hadn’t missed him after all. She’d been building a new life for herself which didn’t include him. She was happy, ecstatic even with that boyfriend of hers, and she didn’t need a loser friend latching onto her like a leech.

If the confrontation with his father had been a rude wake-up call, then witnessing Toni with Nick had been the extra punch in the teeth he’d needed. In hindsight Nick had done him a favour; stopped him from throwing himself on Toni and demanding she rescue him. No-one could save him except himself, he knew that now. But at the time it had felt as if he’d taken a bungy jump and forgotten the safety harness.

Now, Toni gazed at him, her expression troubled. “I wish I’d known. I wish you’d told me.” A note of accusation lurked beneath her words.

“Hey, you weren’t exactly around, remember? By that stage you weren’t coming up to Piper Bay very often.”

She blushed and nodded. They both knew she’d been too wrapped up with Nick to bother about anything else. “I know. Still, I wish you’d confided in me.”

He exhaled slowly, thinking of all the different paths their lives might have followed. “And I wish you’d confided in me when you started having problems with Nick.”

Twisting her fingers, she gave a deprecating laugh. “To be honest, I was too ashamed. Who wants to admit their marriage is in trouble and so soon? I thought it better to put on a brave act for everyone.”

“I’m not everyone, Toni.”

She gazed at him for a long time. “No, you’re not. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” Reaching out, she brushed her fingers over his hand which rested on the bench between them. “You and I used to be so close. I – I don’t know why we drifted apart, but I want us to be what we were before. Don’t you?”