‘I expect you did.’
‘You were hugging Alicia Bitch Long-legs? On purpose?’
‘That’s right.’ Again, Suze couldn’t sound less interested. She grabs a jacket and puts it in her tote bag, followed by a set of notes that look like they’re in Tarquin’s handwriting. ‘OK, I’m off.’ She pushes past me and strides out of the room.
I stare after her, mortified. She’s behaving as though I don’t exist. What’s wrong?
‘Suze!’ I run down the stairs behind her. ‘Listen. What time will you be back? Because I’d really like to talk. Things haven’t been great with Luke, and now Elinor’s here, and it’s going to be really tricky, and I’m just feeling a bit—’
‘Things haven’t been great with Luke?’ She wheels round, her blue eyes suddenly blazing with anger, and I take a step back in alarm. ‘You know what, Bex? Things haven’t been great with Tarquin, either! But you weren’t interested in that, were you? So why should I be interested in your stupid problems?’
For a moment I’m too shocked to reply. She looks livid. In fact, she looks in a terrible state. Her eyes are bloodshot, I now notice. Has something happened that I don’t know about?
‘What are you talking about?’ I say anxiously.
‘I’m talking about the fact that he’s been taken away from me by that evil man,’ she says, trembling. ‘I’m talking about the fact that he’s been brainwashed.’
She’s not still on about that, is she?
‘Suze,’ I say as patiently as I can. ‘Bryce’s not evil—’
‘You don’t get it, Bex!’ Suze explodes. ‘They’ve fired him!’
‘What?’ I gape at her.
‘The wellbeing committee think he’s introduced unhealthy practices into Golden Peace. They’re really worried. They want Tarkie to come into Golden Peace and tell them what’s been going on in all those one-to-one sessions. I’m going to see an expert on cults today. He’s going to advise me. I’m on my way there right now with Alicia. She’s been totally supportive and brilliant,’ she adds tremulously. ‘In fact, it was Alicia who alerted her husband and pushed for Bryce to get fired.’
I’m speechless with shock. My head’s spinning with all this new information. Bryce fired? Alicia brilliant? Tarquin brainwashed?
‘Suze,’ I falter at last. ‘Suze, I had no idea—’
‘Of course you didn’t,’ she says with an edge which makes me flinch. ‘You were too busy choosing clutch bags.’
‘That was for work,’ I say defensively. ‘It wasn’t fun!’
‘Oh, yes, work. I forgot.’ She sounds even more scathing. ‘Your super new career which we all have to tiptoe around because you’re famous. Well, I hope you’re enjoying your dream, Becky. I’ll just get on with sorting out my nightmare.’ She reaches for her car keys, her hands shaking.
‘Suze!’ I say in horror. ‘Wait! Look, let’s have a cup of tea …’
‘It’s beyond a cup of tea!’ she almost shrieks. ‘Don’t you get that? No, of course you don’t. Luckily I had Alicia. She’s been amazing. So helpful and so kind …’ Suze’s voice gives a sudden wobble. ‘I knew something was wrong, I knew it …’
I gaze at Suze, stricken. I’ve never felt so bad in all my life. This is all my fault. I introduced Tarquin to Golden Peace, I didn’t listen when Suze was worried …
‘I’m so sorry …’ I swallow. ‘I didn’t realize … Suze, whatever I can do to help I’ll do …’ I move forward to give her a hug, but she bats me off.
‘I have to go. Alicia’s waiting.’
‘Where’s Tarkie?’
‘I don’t know. With Bryce, I should think. Being told a load of vile rubbish.’ She opens the front door but I jam a foot across it.
‘Suze, please,’ I say desperately. ‘Tell me. What can I do?’
Suze surveys me silently, and for one hopeful moment I think she’s going to relent and treat me like her oldest, best friend again. But then, with a weary sigh, she shakes her head.
‘No, Bex. You deal with your problems. I’ll deal with mine.’
She’s gone. I peep through the little side window, staying out of sight. I can see her hurrying to the car. I can see her face relaxing as she calls something to Alicia. My throat is tight and there’s a hotness in my chest.
The car moves off down the drive and I press my head against the window, breathing a cloud on to the glass. What’s happening to my life? Ever since that awards evening when everything kicked off, I’ve felt like I’m living in a kaleidoscope. It’s whizzing around, making different patterns every moment, and as soon I get used to one, it shifts again. Why can’t things stay the same for just one second?