Shine Not Burn(63)

“Cute little bugger, isn’t he?” asked Mack.

“Yeah. He’s sucking my finger like it’s a cow’s udder.” I laughed a little at the ridiculousness of it. The calf didn’t miss a beat. He was way too happy about the idea of finding some milk in my hand to worry about the big bad cowboy coming up behind him.

“They’re like little pigs. They’ll eat all day if you let ‘em.” He pushed the calf’s head away and my finger came out with a pop.

I looked down at it and saw it was covered in calf drool. Some of my good humor evaporated. “Ew. That was a bad idea, I think.”

Mack pulled a bandana out of is back pocket and laid it flat in his hand. He grabbed my wet finger and slowly pulled the soft blue cloth down, drying it off. “Hungry and messy. Every last one.”

I wanted to come up with something funny to say, to respond in a way that was both cool and casual. But I couldn’t, because he was touching me. Even that little bit of cloth between us wasn’t enough to keep the feelings from rising up to take over my common sense.

“We need to talk,” I said, sounding like someone was strangling me.

He was so close I could see the fine wrinkles in the skin around his eyes telling me he smiled a lot when I wasn’t around.

“We will,” he responded softly. Staring over the top rail at me, he put the bandana in his pocket while resting his other hand on the fence just inches from mine. My gaze dropped to the strong, sun-bronzed hand and thick fingers that were huge in comparison to mine. I became obsessed with the thought that I could shift my hand to the right just a little and touch him … if I was bold and stupid and willing to risk throwing my lifeplan in the garbage.

I closed my eyes and counted slowly to three, getting a grip on myself. My hand stayed where it was. I’ve been working on my lifeplan for way too long to throw it away so easily.

“When can we talk, do you think?” I pressed. “I really have to get going back home soon.” I was trying to choose between crying and smiling after the words came out. He was so close and yet so far. I shouldn’t even want him to be close, but I did and that was nothing but a recipe for disaster. Up until now I’d been thinking that the only thing standing in the way of me marrying Bradley was a piece of paper and a signature. Now I was starting to think it could be much more than that.

“We’ll talk tomorrow. I have to get back to work.” He turned to go, his hand sliding away from the rail.

I grabbed it and held on. “What about later tonight?” I was afraid if I waited too long, I’d do something entirely stupid and ruin everything I’d been working towards. Something about this place was messing with my head and making me forget what was important, including the future I’d planned for myself.

His fingers curled around mine and gripped my hand gently for a few seconds before they slid away. “I’ll be working until after midnight, and then I’ll be too tired after. Just catch me after my chores tomorrow morning.”

“What time?” I asked, hating that I sounded so desperate and needy and anxious about getting everything over with. Instead of feeling like the smart thing to do, hurrying him towards divorce felt cold and heartless. I definitely had a fever. I was sick. Heartsick.

“Nine o’clock.” He walked back to the other men.

I might have argued more, but I suddenly had a really great view of his backside and it rendered me momentarily speechless. I was like a dog getting distracted by a small animal running by. Squirrel! Fine ass! I made a mental note to find out where the gym was in this town. If I was going to be staying for a few days, I’d need to work out. He obviously did.

Stay a few days? Where’d that come from?

My mind was spinning in so many different directions I didn’t know whether to laugh, cry, or eat a fried calf testicle.

“You ready?” asked Maeve, coming up behind me.

I jumped in surprise, yanked out of my weird thoughts by her unexpected arrival. “Yep.” Glad for the distraction, I followed her into the house. Part of me was relieved to be getting away from Mack. Seeing him made me lose focus, forget what I was supposed to be doing, forget Bradley, even. But another part of me was kind of wishing Maeve hadn’t come so soon. Watching Mack work was doing something to me. I don’t know what it was exactly, but it was pleasant. Just touching his fingers brought back the ghosts of warm, dangerously sensual memories. So many of my memories were unpleasant, the kind I wanted to never bring back. It made the good ones extra special as a consequence.

“I’ve got you just down the hall from Mack. Normally he stays in town, but lately he’s been back in his old room. It saves him a bunch of sleep hours not having to travel.”