My own heart skipped a few beats. I threw up a prayer of my own. Dear Tiny Baby Jesus, please give me the strength to not bite Ruby’s head off, because I have a feeling I’m going to want to before she’s done.
Ruby’s expression was part compassion and part anger. “You’ve changed and not for the better,” she blurted out. Her eyes went wide and she blinked a few times. A half smile moved across her lips. “Well, that just came out all bold didn’t it?” She laughed nervously. “What I mean to say is, ever since you got back from Kelly’s wedding, you’ve changed. Your whole life has changed. You stopped talking to your friends, you stopped talking to me, you took up with that Bradley…”
“There you go again … saying his name in that tone again. You know that sets my teeth on edge, Ruby.” Tiny Baby Jesus had abandoned me in my hour of need. Ruby’s head was already in danger of being removed and she’d only just begun.
She leaned in and looked me dead in the eye. “He used to set your teeth on edge. Remember that? We both hated that man.” She poked me in the arm. “Now it’s just everyone else hating him and you … sleeping with him.” Her lip curled up in disgust. “And now you’re talking about marrying him? Have you done lost your mind, baby girl? How could you do that to yourself? He’s not even close to good enough for you. He’s not even good enough to wash your car.”
I felt ashamed, angry, and sick. “I love him, Ruby.” I almost choked on the words. They didn’t want to come out.
She scowled. “Oh, fiddle sticks. You don’t love that man. You love the idea of being married to a man. Any old man will do.”
My face flushed an angry red as I sat back in a slump. “I can’t believe you’re saying these things to me. What gives you the right?”
She reached out and grabbed my wrist, pulling my hand into her lap and making me lean forward awkwardly. Her speech was passionate. “I’ll tell you what gives me the right … I care about you, Andrea Lynn. You are a good girl. You are a great lawyer and a strong woman. But that Bradley? … I’m sorry, but he just sucks the life out of you, girl. He’s got you on a leash like a tamed lap dog, and I’m not just going to sit back and let you tie yourself to him for life without knowing what you’re getting into. It’s my duty as your friend to tell you the things you need to hear. And if you want to go find yourself a new assistant, I’ll understand. But good luck finding one here. You have a reputation now, you know.” She nodded slowly, ever the wise one of the office.
I tried to pull my hand back but she held on with a grip of iron.
My tone was fury contained. “I know what I’m getting into, Ruby. I’m a grown woman.” The words tasted sour, like unripe fruit on my tongue.
“Maybe on the outside you’re full-grown, but on the inside, you’re still a young girl looking for love and taking terrible substitutes instead. Why can’t you see what I see and what Candice and Kelly see? You’re smart, you’re beautiful, you’re strong … why do you have to act so deaf, dumb and blind when it comes to men?”
I laughed bitterly. “Wow. A veritable trifecta of awfulness. A hat trick of sucking. Thank you for that.”
“No.” She shook her finger in my face. “No, ma’am, you are not going to play that game with me.”
“What game?” The guilt was almost overwhelming; she’d busted me attempting to use my litigation skills on her - a friend, a woman I respected. I was desperate not to hear her truths.
“You know what I’m talking about. That game you play. Where you go all cold and calculating and do the things that Bradley taught you. He is a bad influence, Andie. A very bad influence. He’s changed you into a cold person who doesn’t care about other people’s feelings. You don’t even know what’s important anymore.” Her expression and tone went a little desperate. “Can’t you feel it? I know you can’t see it, but can’t you at least feel it?”
I yanked my hand away. “I know what’s important. I’ve had a carefully crafted lifeplan guiding my actions since I was fifteen: go to college, go to law school, make partner, get married, have children. It’s absolutely normal and fine. All those things are important and valuable to any sane person. It makes complete sense on paper.”
Ruby cringed. “Do you hear yourself? Your life cannot be written out on paper! People with hearts and brains don’t function like that!”
I stood up. “Of course I hear myself! I’m proud of what I’m saying and what I’m doing and have done! I’m the youngest junior partner this firm has ever had. I’m the rainmaker for Chrissake!”