His tongue plunged into my mouth and he drove it in with the same timing as he ground against me. Wait. What was the question? Mmm. Who cares?
“Andrea.” Wick’s whiskey and cream voice vibrated down my body.
My hand snaked down to unzip his jeans. He went back to the plank position so I could push his pants down using my feet. I shivered at the sudden cold. As soon as his pants were off, he dropped back down on top of me, enveloping me back into his wolf. His hands went into my hair and clasped hard. His mouth became more insistent, his wolf driving him.
My lungs closed up. I tried to draw more air in, but couldn’t breathe. And then the memory took hold and consumed me.
Yellow eyes tracked every subtle shift of my body. His powerful frame built for intimidation hovered over me. He savored the air, my scent laced with trepidation and terror, his aphrodisiac. I’d loved this man. I chose him.
Wick’s head snapped back and his eyes narrowed. “Andy.” This time my name came out more like a question than a caress. “Come back to me.”
Unable to speak, I shook my head. His hands released my hair and he ran a finger down my cheek. “Please?”
My head fell against the pillow. A deep sigh escaped my lips. My crotch throbbed with unfulfilled need.
Wick rolled onto his elbow beside me, still close and hovering half on top of my body, but somehow the move gave me the space to breathe, or flee, if I needed to. His eyes flared with emotion and a war of scents radiated off his skin: affection, sympathy, lust, confusion, anger, frustration, but his pain cut me deepest. I needed to erase that look.
I took a deep breath. “You said you wanted all of me. Then you have to accept all of me. You have to accept that I can’t give you everything right away. Not yet. Not after you hear why I hold back. Maybe then you’ll understand. Maybe then, you’ll accept what I offer and not push me too hard, too fast.”
“Not after I hear what happened?” Wick growled. “I don’t need to hear how that dog forced a union on you. His actions…” Wick squeezed his eyes shut. “If he was alive, I’d tear him apart.”
“We can dance on his grave later, but it wasn’t forced. Not at first.”
Wick frowned. “Explain.”
“Umm…maybe we could put some clothes on?”
Wick shook his head. “Tell me now.” He held his body rigid, with every muscle taut and contracted. His eyes still blazed yellow as he fought his wolf for control. He’d never hurt me, but he might rip everything around us to shreds. So I told him, reliving the events as if they occurred all over again.
“I met him when I was twenty. I’d just discovered Krav Maga and went to a convention as any new enthusiast would. Dylan was an instructor and seemed so strong and knowledgeable. My wolf liked him instantly, but looking back, it might’ve been because Dylan was the first Werewolf I’d ever met. I was infatuated with him—obsessed. He treated me like a princess, doting on me, buying me lavish gifts, taking me to expensive restaurants, and spending every moment he could with me. He told me we were mates. I didn’t notice any of his manipulative comments; the ones that made me doubt my friends or myself. After a year, we moved in together and I started to meet his pack. That’s when I realized not everything was rainbows and donuts.”
I took a deep breath and continued. “I started asking questions, like why hadn’t I met his pack earlier, and why did all the female Werewolves act like deranged Stepford wives.” I met Wick’s yellow eyes. “He’d been prepping me for the mating bond the whole time, to be his personal minion to do his bidding, and I hadn’t seen it. Not right away. I was alone except for him, having alienated my friends and family long before because of his needling advice. My feras saved me. They held back a part of me, the essential part of my essence so even when I thought I was willing something prevented me from completing the bond.
“Dylan still had a hold on my wolf to a certain extent, and though it prevented me from running, it frustrated him the bond wasn’t whole. Near the end, after eleven years of being trapped with him, he became truly desperate in his attempt to break me. I won’t go into the details, but it was humiliating, painful and terrifying.” I took in a big gulp of air. “But no matter how bad the stuff he did to me was, it couldn’t erase the knowledge that I chose him.”
I kept my voice calm using an even and clinical tone. It seemed to calm Wick and his wolf. The yellow of his wolf receded so his soft chocolate eyes gazed at me instead.
“That wasn’t your fault, Andy.”
“But it was. I fell for his act. I thought I was in love and he was my match. I allowed my wolf to mate with his.”