The street in front of the general store was a bustle of activity. It seemed he wasn't the only one who'd decided to wander into town while the weather was holding. Fumbling for a list in his pocket, he pulled into a parking space. Mr. Clement was talking to Walter Hodge and a couple other old timers in front of the general store, and he waved a greeting as he hustled through the doors. Scouring a row of fruits and vegetables, he pulled a bag and started to fill it.
Maybe he could pick up some construction jobs in Anchorage or maybe get hired onto a snowplow crew. If he went to a bigger city, with more means, he could probably get placed somewhere within the week. Traveling would be tough, but worth it if he could keep his distance from Farrah. He wanted to pull his freakin' hair out at the thought. Nothing was worth staying away from her.
Except Dodge.
This was a situation he wouldn't be able to think himself out of. He was utterly stuck in this tar pit Erin had trapped him in. Hating the feeling of complete helplessness, he gripped the bar of the shopping cart and took a deep breath.
"Hey Aanon," Mayva said from behind him.
He had to bite his tongue against the urge to tell her to get lost. His patience with her had disappeared the night he'd taken her home from the bar.
"Hi," he said, pushing forward toward the bread aisle.
Mayva wasn't good at receiving hints. She followed, swinging the little red shopping basket in her hand. "I'm just so glad the weather let up enough to get out into some fresh air. I thought that storm would never let up."
He grunted a response and pulled a loaf of whole wheat into the cart.
"So anyway, I was thinking since this is the last time you'll probably be in town for a while, and since the snow has let up, maybe we could grab a bite to eat at the diner and catch up."
He turned and cocked his head. She was being especially cordial and bold today. What gave? "It was you, wasn't it?"
"Me? I don't understand what you mean."
"You called Erin the night I told you I was seeing someone."
"No I didn't!" Her mouth set in an unhappy frown. "I called her the next morning. You should be thanking me, Aanon Falk. You don't need to be tethering yourself to that trash, Farrah Fennel, anyhow."
"Don't call her that. Farrah has more class in her pinky than you and Erin combined. She'd never throw anyone under the bus like you two have. Now back off and let me shop in peace." She was starting to give him a serious headache.
"Erin has the right to know who you're fooling around with. You have a family together," she called as he headed for the opposite side of the small store.
Family? Mayva and Erin had a really jaded view of family. Family didn't hold each other hostage or use children as bargaining chips. Family didn't thrive on its members' unhappiness. No, Erin wasn't his family. Only Dodge was. She'd lost the right to control his romantic life when she left him. And oh, she spun a pretty story, telling everyone about how he was the one to ruin her life. She'd been the one to leave. Him taking the homestead meant he'd never make the kind of money that would keep her happy. She'd marched out the door spouting awful, vengeful things the day his father's will had been read.
Erin wasn't the type of woman to stick around when things got tough.
His only option to fight back would be to sell the homestead and all of the land he owned. The livestock would have to be sold at auction along with all of his farming equipment, four-wheelers, and snowmobiles. Just the thought of selling the land that had been in his family for generations made him sick to his stomach. It would be something he'd always regret losing. But what other option did he have? If he was going to afford a decent lawyer to get him a shot at joint custody of Dodge, he'd need a lot of money up front.
But then Dodge wouldn't have the land passed to him when he got older.
The homestead or Dodge.
Either way, Aanon would lose something vital.
Chapter Sixteen
For Farrah, the worst part of it all was that Aanon didn't dislike her. This wasn't a mutual break where they'd decided they were better friends or separated bitterly. The worst was that Farrah cared deeply for him and saw the same affection in his tortured gaze. The hardest part was being separated unwillingly by someone else's hand.
As if she sensed Farrah's melancholy mood, Luna whined and jumped up to lick her fingertips. Aanon had left for town a couple of hours earlier, and Bruno trotted behind them loyally. He wasn't an overly affectionate dog, even with Aanon, but he seemed to like her fine when his owner wasn't around. Luna, on the other hand, stuck to her like moss on a log no matter who was present.
"Come on, pups," she said as she pulled their dog bowls from atop Bruno's house. They were filled with snow from last night, so she dumped them out and knocked them on her leg. "Let's eat in the barn today, shall we? It's cold as sin out here."
The rattle of dog food sounded against the plastic bowls as she poured them each two scoops, and she folded into an old chair in the corner while the dogs inhaled their dinner. Dark fell earlier now, and long shadows stretched from the open door across the dirt floor. Touching the farthest reaching shadow with the toe of her boot, she sighed. She missed everything about him, and he lived fifty yards away. He may as well lived across the ocean.
Maybe she should find a new place to stay. This wasn't something that would ease with time. She cared about him. No, it was more than that. Their connection was bottomless, and time wouldn't mend their forced separation, knowing she'd never share a stolen kiss or his affectionate touch ever again.
Tires crunched from a distance, and she stood and stretched her back. The seed had taken root in her mind. Maybe her moving on was what he wanted, too, but he was just waiting for her to approach the subject.
Leaving the dogs to their meal, she squinted against the ray of sun that poked through the clouds and doused the homestead. Aanon arranged grocery bags on his arms and jumped slightly when he turned and she was there.
"Can I talk to you?" she asked.
"I should've asked if you needed anything from the store."
"No, not about that. Um, do you think I should find somewhere else to stay?" Every feature on his masculine face froze, so she continued. "You could maybe find a better tenant, and if I left, it wouldn't feel so heavy around here anymore. I just want to make this as easy as possible. On both of us."
"Please don't go," he pleaded. "I can stand the heaviness if it means I get to see you." His eyes cast to the toe of her boots, and he frowned before hopping the porch stairs and disappearing inside.
Her heart thrummed a painful rhythm, and she choked on a helpless sound when the door closed behind him. He'd torture them both.
****
Aanon pressed his back against the door and dropped the grocery bags. She wanted to leave. He hadn't thought of it before she suggested it, but just the vision of his homestead, empty of her presence, sent suffocating sadness, black and roiling, through him.
No. There had to be another solution. Hell, he'd pine for her for the rest of his natural born life from ten tortuous feet away if only she'd stay. What a selfish creature he'd become.
The taste of happiness she'd given him was too sweet, too tempting, and now he was powerless to let it go. His chest burned as if some great weight sat upon it. He squatted down and ran his hands through his hair over and over until he could draw painful breath.
He'd made a colossal mistake with Farrah. He'd begun to imagine a future with her. One where she was his helpmate on the homestead until they were old and gray. He'd imagined holding her child and raising it as his own, imagined her as a mother. But the biggest mistake he'd ever made was falling in love with her.
He'd been careless to think only Dodge and the homestead made up his dreams. Farrah was the final tier. Standing, he hoisted the supplies into the kitchen and set them on the counter. Out the window, Farrah walked slowly away. He couldn't see if she was crying, but she seemed to be wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.
He was lower than low. His veins filled with shame and despair. He was hurting her, and even knowing the depth of her pain, he still wouldn't take it back. She couldn't move away without breaking him. Gripping the edge of the counter, he clenched his jaw until his teeth hurt. Monster.
If he was a stronger man, he would let her move on, make a life for herself and her child without him.