This is not the time to be thinking how ridiculously sexy he looks right now, I chide myself. I grab the sunscreen out of my bag and apply it all over Lucy. When we are done, she grabs Luke’s hand as I go into the bathroom and change.
I emerge a few minutes later, pausing at the door leading out to the deck and pool. I stand there for a moment, watching my daughter and her father playing in the water. Luke picks Lucy up and tosses her ever so gently into the water. When she swims back to him, she has the biggest smile on her face I have ever seen. I have played this game with her so many times; seeing them together, my heart breaks and heals at the same time.
After a few minutes, I force myself to step outside into the warm air, relishing the feel of the sun on my skin. The two of them have not seen me yet so I linger a moment longer before taking a seat on one of the lounge chairs facing the pool.
Lucy sees me and waves.
“Are you coming in, Mommy?”
“Not yet, sweetheart, but I will soon. You look like you’re having so much fun. Did you show Daddy how good of a swimmer you are?”
“I showed him my backstroke and he has been tossing me in the water! It’s so much fun!” Swimming her way to Luke she wraps her arms around his neck, giving him as big of a hug as she can and kissing him on his cheek. And then my precious little girl does something I know shocks the hell out of Luke.
“Mommy told me I could give you a hug and a kiss and a secret. Do you want to know my secret, Daddy?”
Luke nods. “Yes I do, Lucy.”
“I love you, Daddy.”
Gasping as quietly as I can, I sit there and absorb what my baby has just done as Luke stares at her. I watch tears start to form in his eyes and he pulls her in as close as he can.
Without any hesitation at all, he says, “I love you too, Lucy. So much.”
Lifting his head, he gives me a look I have never seen before on this man who has owned my heart since I was seventeen years old, silently thanking me for his daughter. My heart starts beating profoundly. I lean back into the chair and smile because even though he has missed out on so much of her life already, I know he is going to be the perfect father to our little girl. I just hope he can find it in his heart to be able to forgive me.
************
As the early afternoon approaches, we decide to get out of the sun for a while and have some lunch. Lucy decides what we are going to have. Her choice is no surprise to me at all. Of course our little girl has to teach her Daddy the proper way to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich the Lucy way, by cutting off the crust. While the two of them are busy making the sandwiches, I go about setting the table and adding some chips and grapes on our plates, then put out our drinks as well.
The three of us take our seats at the table. Watching the two of them together makes me so happy. They are so good together. For someone who didn’t know anything about being a father, Luke is doing exceptionally well with Lucy; beyond all my expectations, really.
After lunch the two of them leave the house to take a walk and I stay behind to clean up the kitchen. The two of them stroll hand in hand, already thick as thieves. After I finish clearing the table and wiping up Lucy’s sticky peanut butter stains, I notice I have a voicemail from Jen. Hanging the damp rag up to dry, I decide to call her back.
Jen picks up almost immediately.
“Hi, Shayne.”
“Hi, Jen. I just saw you called. How are you?”
“Good. How are you?”
I wander into the living room and plop down on the couch, then proceed to tell Jen everything that has been going on; how proud I am of Lucy, and that Luke seems to be handling his role as a father like a pro.
“Jen, he loves our daughter. You can tell just by the way he looks at her. He looks at her the same way that Bubba looks at Zoe. Seeing her so happy fills my heart completely, but I can’t help but feel so guilty about keeping them apart. I just don’t know what to tell him. I don’t have a reason why I didn’t keep searching for him after she was born or the years after that.”
“The words will come to you, Shayne. Trust me. They will.”
After a little more girl talk, Jen promises to stop by so that she and Bubba can meet Lucy before we hang up. I head into the bathroom to take off my suit and change back into my dress. When I come out, Luke and Lucy are on their way back in and Lucy is holding a big beautiful bouquet of wild flowers.
“Look what we picked for you, Mommy!” chirps Lucy, running up to me. “Aren’t they pretty?”
Bending down to take the bouquet out of her hands, I place a soft kiss to her cheek.
“They’re beautiful, Lucy. Thank you so much.”
“Daddy said you need to put them in water so they will stay pretty.”