“How do you know that?” I say.
“Because I know you. I can tell you’re scared, but I will say this one more time. I really think you should let him explain everything.”
“Adam, I don’t know if I can. He left me and I just don’t know if I can forgive him.”
“You need to try, sweetheart, and you need to find a way to tell him about his daughter. He has a right to know.” I look at Adam only to find him staring back at me.
The tears I can no longer hold back flow down my face.
“How am I going to do that when I am scared to death over what you told me?” I ask with a quiver in my voice. “And Luke. What if he doesn't accept her from the beginning? How do I explain this to her without the possibility of her being hurt by him?”
“He won’t leave her, Shayne. Just... please talk to him.”
“How can you say that? You have no idea what he will do once he finds out about her. I can’t lose her, Adam. She is everything to me.”
“You’re not going to lose her. He’d never take her away from you, but he has the right to know about her, and she has every right to know him.”
I sit there looking at Adam, knowing he is right.
“What am I supposed to say? ‘Luke, I would like you to meet your daughter, Luciana Andrews’?”
“Yes, Shayne, that is exactly what you should say.”
************
I lay on my bed after tossing and turning all night long, thinking about today and how I’m supposed to meet with Luke.
I know I should go, but I just can’t. I’m not ready yet.
I have no idea how to tell him about Lucy, or if I even should. While I know the right thing would be to tell him, I just can't stop this nagging feeling in my chest. I’m scared, most definitely. Of the danger. Of his reaction to the news, as well as to Lucy. But, how he will want to proceed after that? Will he want to meet her? Not want to meet her? Will he decide he's not ready? The scenarios are endless and of course my mind keeps zoning in on the negatives.
I spend longer than I want to debating this in my mind. I need more time to get my head together, so you know what? I am just not going to meet Luke at all. Shaking my head as if to clear my thoughts, I decide retail therapy is just what I need.
Nothing like shopping to get your mind off of the heavy shit.
I get out of bed and start my usual morning routine. It's another sunny day outside so I decide to wear something light; a short, pale yellow sundress. I pull my hair into a high ponytail, put on my favorite flip-flops, and head downstairs.
I walk into the kitchen and find that Adam left me a note saying he went to check on things at his house. Deciding to skip coffee at home, I head out to the car and drive to Starbucks to indulge in a cappuccino and a muffin before driving to the outlet mall.
I spend most of the day strolling in and out of shops, buying all kinds of cute little outfits for Lucy. The girl has more clothes than she will ever be able to wear, but I can't help myself. They are so cute, and surprisingly, shopping for her takes my mind off of the Luke situation. I can decide on what to do later; for now I’m just going to enjoy my day.
I step outside into the bright sun and run across the street to the surf shop to pick up my last purchase of the day, a new swimsuit for Lucy. I spend a few minutes down each aisle and finally spot the cutest black and pink bikini for my girl. I continue on to make sure I don't find one I like better when I see the perfect bathing suit for me. It's a deep turquoise string bikini with black sequins around the top. I swiftly go up to the counter and ask for the dressing room so I can try it on.
“I love this one,” says the obviously outspoken hunk standing in front of me. “And you have got a banging body, lady. It will look amazing,” he comments once more as his eyes travel up and down my length before landing on my chest. Not quite sure what to say to him, I just head to the back of the store and lock the door to the dressing room. I try the suit on and turn around to look in the mirror, only to find there isn't one.
“What the hell? How in the hell am I going to know what this looks like if there's no mirror?” I yell in confusion, hoping Mr. you’re-So-Hot hears me. “He probably does this shit on purpose. Damn perv,” I mutter under my breath. I silently open the door and peek out to make sure he can’t see me before hurrying to the mirror just to the right of the door. Not bad, I say to myself and quickly run back to the dressing room. I shut the door and turn around to get dressed. As soon as I turn, I scream, because standing in the middle of the room is none other than Luke.
“What the fuck are you doing in here? More importantly, what the fuck are you doing here? Are you following me?”