Oh, I’m looking forward to it too. Oddly enough, I’m not scared that he’ll recognize me. I owe him nothing. As far as I’m concerned, if I look him dead in the eye and lie to him and he knows I’m lying, I don’t give a shit. Let him wonder what’s going on, let him wonder what I’m up to, and let him wonder what course his life is about to take at the hands of another human being.
If working in strip clubs has taught me anything, it has taught me that men love control and they’ll do anything to gain and keep that control. The best way to throw someone, especially someone like Steven, off his game is to take the reins of control out of his hands.
Chapter Seventeen
Cash
There is one thing about my line of work that’s a constant; you don’t know how you’re going to react to killing someone until after the first kill. For me, it was a sense of relief because I had done it. There is so much build-up to the actual act of taking a life that the anxiety can be excruciating and I was just glad for it to finally be over. There is only one first and I had finally crossed that line. I had proven to myself that I was in the right line of work and could handle it. I felt a sense of satisfaction that I had killed a ruthless drug lord and, in the process, I had taken down a very dangerous organization.
Women are different, though, because they are so detail oriented and have to analyze everything. They don’t just want to know what happened; they want to know why it happened.
I can’t help but wonder how Johnnie will react to her first kill. I do believe the fact that she suffers with RAD will help her not feel guilty. In my line of work, guilt is an emotion that can potentially cause a lot of problems for our organization (Undercover Elite) because it isn’t just the person suffering from it who is affected; it’s the whole group. The last thing we need is a team member going to the authorities and spilling his guts in a moment of guilt-laden weakness.
I know I’m taking a big risk by bringing a new member into the fold. I have discussed bringing a woman on board for a while because I thought it would add to our surveillance capabilities. A woman can be a great distraction and if that woman can be trained to kill and work right alongside us, then that takes things to a whole new level. Since the idea of bringing a woman on board was basically my idea, what my little trainee does and how successful she is doing it, is going to reflect on me. The outcome of this mission will determine whether she will remain a permanent fixture with Undercover Elite.
“Are you ready?” her voice cuts through my thought processes.
I make my way over and look down on her. Even at six feet tall in heels, I still have two inches on her. “Killing someone is serious business, Johnnie.”
“Look… I know where you’re headed with this and you have nothing to worry about. Steven Taggart didn’t just kill my sister. The drugs he brings into the country have taken countless lives, I’m sure. I’m doing society a favor by getting rid of this dirt bag.”
“You’re right, but thinking about killing someone and actually doing it are two different things.”
“I’ll be fine. You even said that you have been thinking about bringing a woman into the organization. Wouldn’t you rather bring one in who’s fucked-up rather than some sappy little girl prone to tears and guilt ridden emotional outbursts?”
“I’d rather bring you in. Let’s go.”
I tell her the truth. I want her working alongside me. I don’t just want any woman; I want her, specifically her. There are so many facets of my life that she has touched and transformed already. It isn’t easy to date when you have the job of a mercenary. Not many women are going to believe that you’re going into work when you leave at two am. Going out of town at a moment’s notice and not being able to tell them where you’re going doesn’t sit well with most ladies. Women think you’re fucking around on them when you can’t be straight up about your life and your job. I have to be secretive with the general public about my job and I don’t want to have to be sneaky with the woman I’m sleeping with.
The general public knows that my family has worked in media for years. I’ve worked alongside my father with some of Hollywood’s most well known stars. I choose to remain in Louisville, Kentucky because the horseracing here draws in some of the most elite society has to offer and that definitely goes for the media industry as well. One of the things I do is buy and sell film plots and book rights to make movies. It is a broad description and doesn’t nail me down as far as people being curious about the details of my job. It’s very easy to say that you can’t talk about what you’re doing while movie plots are under negotiation. It’s the perfect cover because it allows me the ability to maintain my privacy. It’s mandatory I have the condition of secrecy in my public life but I refuse to be forced to have it in my personal life. Up until now, I’ve fucked the women I want, when I want, and it has been nothing more than that. Johnnie changed all of that without even knowing she had.